Espérons Inutiles
by Imogine Jean San Luca
Summary: After six years apart, in which both have explored their options, Alec and Magnus are reunited in the hunt for a servant of the devil.  They are slowly beginning to rediscover their love for each other, but the clock is ticking.  Fast.  MALEC. Please R/R
1. Prologue

Espérons Inutiles

A Mortal Instrument Fanfic.

AN: Okay, so I already gave Malec misery a shot, and I'm gonna see if I can swing this. Here's my first shot. You MI fans are kind of lucky, in a way. My other multi-chapter fic is gonna suffer for this, but my heart is determined to get this out. I'll give you this: I have no idea how long this is gonna be, and I'm not entirely sure how to approach this. Let's see where this takes us.

Other notes: I need opinions on length. Seriously, I can easily jump over two thousand words in a chapter, and my first chapter for example totals in at over four thousand. So, yeah, I can slice it in half if you want. Give me an opinion, seriously. Aussi, call me out whenever characters are too OOC for your liking. Lastly, save for the prologue, you get bonus points for knowing the chapter titles are. Even more bonus points for those who can correct it. I wrote a bit more about this fic and my other one (in the making) on my profile, so tell me what you think.

Summary: After six years apart, Alec and Magnus are slowly rediscovering their love for each other. However, the clock is ticking. Fast.

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Prologue

_Some time in the future…_

It felt good. Alec smiled as he felt the flames brushing up against him. It didn't hurt, as he'd thought it would, but it felt very warm. It was nice. He was almost enjoying the warm feeling of the flames on his skin, not with any of the burning pain associated with runes, though leaving their own mark nonetheless.

Alec breathed out. His release of air seemed to fuel the fire onwards. He knew that eventually, it would consume him, and he would no longer feel this nice sensation. That had to be the reason. He had known what would happen, and he had prepared himself for this. He had known that he would surrender to the flames in the end. He had accepted his fate. His destiny. He had been more than ready for this, and he was being rewarded for his readiness. Some part of him was waiting for the fire to turn from warm to scalding. But it never came. Alec tilted his back to the sky, a soft smile flickering on his face.

Fire was a queer one to take company with. You never knew when she was going to be on your side. Sometimes, she was kind and loving. Alec thought of this as the warm fire his parents sometimes started in the Institute's fireplace, making the place bearable in the cold months. However, fire could be cruel and wicked when it wanted to. Alec saw this as the grand fire that had burned down Magnus' apartment. It had ravished the place with its cruel, scorching tongues of flame. The walls, primarily built of stone, were perhaps the only things that hadn't been destroyed.

Today, Alec wasn't sure what to call this fire. He thought it was friendly at the moment. He almost wished he didn't have to feel it on his own. He wished Magnus could know of this surreal warmth. Because no matter how close they had been, Alec had never felt this warm, physically. It was the warmth in his heart that consumed him when he saw Magnus, not this. He regretted not being able to share this with Jace and Isabelle. He almost wished they could feel this too. Then he thought of Talon and Crimson. And his mind jarred back into proper focus.

NO! He would never wish this upon his family! They were so blessed, never having to feel this as he did. He had thanked God and his entire host of angels so many times that Magnus would never be in this position. And he would never, never let Talon and Crimson feel this. It was for them that he was doing this. Them and Magnus. They deserved not to feel this.

And then it happened. The warmth was gone in seconds, and Alec now felt the pain. It scalded. It burned across his body with pain a steel could never hope to create. And he could feel himself being dragged downwards. The fire was pulling him away slowly; it was killing him.

And he opened his eyes for the last time. And he screamed.


	2. Changer pour le pire

Espérons Inutiles

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare

Chapter 1: Changer pour le pire

_Present day (Approximately six years after City of Glass)_

Alec breathed in the salty air of the sea. It was an unusually cold morning for February. The summer had been warm up until now. Alec woke up every day expecting the bright sun, and he was pleased every time. There was something about the sun on the sea that made him feel so… numb. The flashing of light on the endless expanse of water blinded him. Today was different. The sea before him was long, black, and bleak. The lack of sun seemed to tear at him from the inside. It was like he couldn't hide himself out here. He couldn't hide his misery in the darkness, of all places. He relied upon the light to shine so brightly, he could never shine through it.

"Alec?" a soft voice called out. Alec turned to see Haal, his sandy haired boyfriend, coming up from the cabin. His light hair seemed so untamed, a hot mess blowing about in the harsh winds that whipped him as he came out on deck. Alec carefully took in the state of his hair and clothes, ragged yet casual. He had come up in a hurry when he realized Alec was gone. Alec also accepted the way he felt when he saw Haal: resigned. He smiled a few seconds too late, albeit a little coldly, though Haal seemed to accept it.

"I'm sorry," Alec said, not sounding remorseful in the slightest. Haal was far used to Alec's erratic behaviour to mind whenever he was in a bad mood. Haal approached cautiously, but with traces of sincere love in every move he made. Alec realized that Haal was feeling particularly emotional this morning. The prospect of going through the motions of love with his current boyfriend was daunting; he approached the idea with caution.

To try and apologize, Alec turned away from the rail of the boat, turning to face Haal. Haal took this as a welcoming, and he embraced Alec. Alec really tried to act like he was as in love as Haal, as he embraced him with what he hoped was enough passion. It seemed to satisfy Haal, who pulled away slightly and kissed him. Alec couldn't help from wincing slightly. Haal seemed to sense it, and he pulled back quickly, trying and failing not to show his hurt and worry.

"You're up early," he commented lightly. Alec nodded.

"I thought today was going to be sunny," he said as he glanced out over the dark sea and sky, almost blending together to form one single mass of misery. "We need to find another weather station."

"I figured," Haal hurried to agree with Alec. "I'm getting sick of waking up every day to hear that man's voice on the radio. He definitely seems like an idiot."

Alec smiled halfheartedly. "You want to get breakfast ready?" He hoped that he did. Haal nodded, and, after placing a gentle kiss on Alec's cheek, he headed back down to the kitchen.

Alec sighed as Haal walked away. He was so cruel. He recalled the days when he had pined after Jace, and all the while, Jace had ignored it. That hadn't been purposely, of course, which made Alec even crueler in his own eyes. Haal was a really sweet guy, one who so happened to be absolutely in love with Alec.

When Alec had decided he couldn't remain in New York anymore, he went for a definite extreme, and jetted off to live the rest of his life in Australia. He had sent a quick message before he left, but he had still given the residents of the Institute in Sydney a surprise. Nevertheless, they had accepted him as one of their own. Once he had gotten the gist of everyday workings on this strange continent, he had taken to strolling around on the streets of Sydney. Somehow he had met Haal, who had been thoroughly surprised by the dark, sullen young man.

After a few months of seeing each other, Haal had offered Alec a small voyage. Haal was a mundane, of course, and a marine biologist. He worked with four of his university friends, and of the four of them, he was the one to spend weeks on end out on the ocean. Studying the habits of the creatures below him. At the time, he had simply asked if Alec wanted to come out with him for about a week. Alec had agreed, though he'd asked that they keep it to a week. Naturally, it had gone three days past the limit, but Haal hadn't seemed the slightest bit abashed.

As Alec stood on the side of the large yacht that had somehow become his second home, he absorbed he fast winds that were whipping him in the face. Alec had come to appreciate the wildlife around him, something he had never truly accomplished in New York. The waters weren't like this up there. The seas just south of Australia were somehow larger, more consuming, and they seemed… tireless. The wind was different here, too. It seemed much harsher than it ever could have been in New York City. Alec watched as it whipped the water into waves, constantly moving. There was just so much more to see here.

Alec heard someone call his name. It was like a faint whisper on the winds, only it was far too close to have been coming from the winds. Besides, there was no one there to call out to him. Alec assumed it was Haal, and he headed inside, instantly regretting it as he breathed in the stuffy air of the boat's cabins.

Alec headed down the stairs, with a part of his brain taking note of the sharp movements of the rocking boat. Though, after all this time, it no longer fazed him. Once upon a time he had been thrown off balance by every wave, small or large. After having spent the majority of three years on this boat though, it had become second nature to him.

Alec slowly turned right at the bottom of the stairs, heading into the kitchen. It was a nicely sized room, not too large, not too small, and it had three decent sized portholes in which Alec could watch the fish that passed by. It was in those rare moments that Alec saw Haal's reason for coming out here. Alec didn't always see the interest in these creatures, and he couldn't always tell why Haal was so fascinated by them. Then again, the same held true for why Haal was so fascinated with Alec.

Haal was already at the white, square shaped table, munching on some toast and reading one of the many papers in front of him. Alec strode over, smiled when Haal looked up, and sat down.

"I'm sorry about this, but we've run pretty low on things," Haal told Alec while still looking down at his papers. Alec didn't see Haal's eyes moving, so he suspected Haal was looking down so he didn't have to see Alec's disappointment.

"It's all right. We have been out here for longer than usual." It had been seven weeks at Alec's last count. He'd been kind of surprised by the long voyage, but he'd accepted it. He didn't want to spend his summer inside the Institute.

Alec looked over the meal that Haal had managed to put together. There was a small bowl of Weet-Bix that contained a bit of milk and a few strawberries. Accompanying that was an orange and a small bottle of vanilla milk. "This isn't that bad," he assured Haal.

Haal looked pleased. "I'd still check the milk if I were you."

Alec did, seeing that, miraculously, the expiration date had only been yesterday. It was safe enough. He took a sip of the milk first. Vanilla milk hadn't seemed so appealing to Alec at first, but Haal loved it. It was one of the many things that had simply become a part of Alec's life now. It was also one of the few things he shared with Haal that distinctly belonged to Haal. Almost everything else had been Alec's doing, little things here and there in their lifestyle that Alec had wanted to change. Haal had been all too willing to change for Alec. Funny how a simple bottle of milk was one of the things Alec hadn't changed.

The two of them ate in silence, until Haal said, "I'm thinking it's time to head back in."

Alec looked up in surprise.

"Well, it's been, six-"

"Seven."

"It's been seven weeks now, and we're getting kind of low on supplies." Alec nodded slowly, unable to deny how, in the beginning of their trip, they had eaten a breakfast of eggs, crisp bacon, and toast spread with vegemite.

"I thought you had to research the… uh… jellyfish?" He looked at Haal with a question in his eyes, and Haal nodded. At least Alec had remembered this time.

"I've got a lot more than I expected to. I've got plenty of data by now."

"Is it enough to be of use to you guys?" Alec secretly hoped it wasn't. He loved these long voyages out onto the sea.

Haal shrugged bashfully. "I'm still not up to date with the work they've been doing on the mainland, but from what I know of our last group meeting, this will definitely be a great help." He paused then added, "We might need to look into the migration habits further, though, and that will take a bit of time." Alec smiled.

"When were you planning to start heading back in?" Alec asked. There was an odd look in Haal's eyes as he responded.

"We've been moving closer to land every day. We'll probably make it back by… today." Alec started. He wasn't ready to leave that soon! "It'll definitely be later in the day," Haal tried to assure him. Alec smiled and nodded.

Well, they were going back, Alec thought sullenly. He continued to go through the regular motions with Haal. They prepared for the day, packed all their things, and, Alec not enjoying it as much as he should have, spent quite a bit of time on the bed. Alec was, surprisingly, the voice of reason when it came to their love life. He was the one to set the limits and take charge when they were doing it.

Alec considered his life now as he sat on the deck again, this time on one of the long benches in near the center of the boat, less than four feet from Haal, who was steering the boat towards land. As soon as he got back, he was going to be scolded by one of the wardens of the Institute, whether it be Ziyi, Aaron, or Miguel, the latter being just one of the shadowhunters who lived there. He was going to be told off like a child for leaving and shirking his responsibilities for seven weeks. After that, he would pretend to repent, not convincing any of them, and he would help with the demons for another few weeks. He would go on a few dates with Haal, secretly awaiting the next opportunity to go away on the boat. And he would jump at the next trip, the longer the better.

And there was the crux if the problem. What Alec loved about Haal, and it might not even be love, was the opportunity to run away to the boat. He loved leaving all of his problems behind on the land and spending weeks on end out on the ocean. It was petty, he knew, and cruel to pretend he had feelings for Haal. Because in reality, he was using Haal for the frequent escapes.

And that wasn't even the worst part. If Alec had a heart, he would have set Haal straight and asked if they could just be friends. But he hadn't done that. He had strung Haal on from the beginning, letting him believe that Alec was in love with him too. It wasn't that Alec didn't appreciate how kind Haal was to him, but that was the problem. He _appreciated_ Haal. He didn't love him, and Alec couldn't quite fathom why he had let it continue on. Maybe a part of him simply needed _someone_ to be with that way, and he had decided to settle for Haal. How on earth was that fair to Haal? Alec knew it wasn't fair to him at all, but Alec hadn't been given much hope for any romantic future, so the prospect of having someone who was fully committed to him had been all too inviting.

Alec looked out towards the dark sea, allowing the darkness to show his pain. Magnus. That's where all the pain began. Only six months into their relationship, Magnus had broke it off. He hadn't given much reason why, though Alec hadn't wanted any. It would just be easiest to say that Alec and Magnus had both lost the feeling in their relationship, but with Alec it was just the need to be able to walk away with at least the illusion of confidence. He could probably pinpoint what had gone wrong if he tried, but not even the darkness could do that. Magnus had been the one to slowly pull away, and eventually cut the cord that bound them together, leaving Alec alone in the dark, confused and reeling.

Desperate not to have to think of… him, Alec asked, "How long until we get there, you think?"

"Any tic of the clock," Haal assured him. "Haley's going to be picking us up. Sorry, but she'll probably have the ankle biters with her." Alec smiled wryly at the mention of Haley's two, wild children.

"It doesn't matter," said Alec wistfully. "It'll be kind of nice to get back."

Haal looked at him as hard as he could while keeping an eye on the waters ahead of him. "You don't have to put on an act."

Alec looked away at this point, and Haal let him drift off into silence. After about a minute, Haal said, "We're here."

Alec watched as they pulled into the busy Sydney harbor. It was as hectic as usual, and it took a while for them to get the boat tied up in a marina and headed out to meet Haley. Haley was one of Haal's colleagues, and one of his closest friends. She treated Alec in a similar way to how Alec felt about Haal. She tolerated him. She was all too aware of how Haal felt about Alec and how Alec took it for granted. She tolerated him.

After waiting for about ten minutes, Haal pointed towards Haley's car pulling up to the curb. They hurried towards it, just as it began to rain. They hastened to put their bags in the trunk and hop in. Luckily, Haley hadn't brought the ankle biters.

"G'day there, Haal," she said brightly. "It's been quiet without you. 'Bout time you get back!" She turned and nodded towards Alec. He nodded in response; nothing else was necessary. She was here for Haal, not Alec.

"Great to be back," Haal told her affectionately.

"How's life been at sea?" she asked, starting to drive toward the Institute. She had long grown used to dropping Alec off quickly, then getting to spend the rest of the day with Haal.

"Oh, bee's knees," he told her brightly. He then proceeded to launch into an explanation of all the research he'd done on the fascinating jellyfish. Alec took this as an opportunity to zone out and begin his mental preparations for returning to the Institute. He'd had very little time to do this, and he was taking advantage of the little time he had. Though it seemed like seconds later that Haal nudged him gently.

"Alec?" Alec started to find Haal staring at him and Haley glaring at him in the rear view mirror.

"Beg yours?"

"We're here." Alec looked out to see the Institute, looming and great in his eyes, though it probably looked very run down in Haal and Haley's opinions.

"Sorry," Alec muttered. Haal chuckled.

"I'm not surprised you're bushed. Do you need help with your bag?" He was being very generous, and it almost made Alec feel bad.

"No, it's fine. I'll see you soon," he promised, and he carefully accepted the kiss Haal offered him. He said goodbye to Haley, and she raised a hand in farewell. Alec could have sworn he heard her mutter, "buzz off." He hurried to get his bag out of the trunk and head up to the front steps of the Institute. He heard the car drive off and assumed that Haley wanted to get out of there quickly to avoid the scene where Haal insistently waved back to Alec, and Alec never so much as glanced back. Alec had stopped feeling so guilty, and eventually began to wonder why Haal didn't catch on. Perhaps he figured that Alec might eventually take interest. Poor Haal.

Alec asked for permission to enter, as usual, and was immediately confronted by Miguel and he smiled his first genuine smile in seven weeks.

Miguel was twenty-five, only one year older than Alec, and he was of Spanish descant, a very rare thing in Australia. He had dark brown curls that matched perfectly with his tanned skin. It instantly gave away his heritage, though he wore it well, giving off a nice friendly aura. Alec had taken long hours to consider Miguel's facial features, and, though they weren't as immediately compelling as Jace's, it was the kind of face that one could grow to love after time. And Alec had definitely grown, well, not to love him, but to become attached to him.

"Well look who decided to join us," said Miguel, teasing. Alec grinned.

"It was only a few weeks," he said as Miguel snorted and moved out of his way. "At least I warned you about it this time." Miguel rolled his eyes. It was a rare thing for Alec to tell them exactly how long he was going to be gone, and Miguel knew that.

"It's been quite dreary here without you." Alec smiled at that, knowing that his presence had once had the opposite effect on people. Usually it was dreary with him there. Miguel, of course, would think differently.

"I'm glad somebody missed me."

"As you better have missed work." Alec groaned jokingly at this. Though he was loath to admit it, Miguel had almost taken Jace's place as Alec's parabatai. Miguel was a highly skilled shadow hunter, one of the best Alec had ever seen, and he was a wonder to watch while fighting. The runes that covered his skin almost seemed to enhance him.

"Are you going to be delivering a lecture to me today, or will it be Ziyi?" Miguel sighed.

"Alec," he said solemnly. "It has been decided that you're too old to be told what to do. Don't look that shocked. It was Ziyi's idea. If you're stupid enough to shirk your duties as a Nephilim for weeks on end, so be it. Her words," he assured Alec. "Not mine."

Alec smiled sardonically at him. He had just as much reason to hate it whenever Alec went out to the sea with Haal for weeks on end. He highly doubted that Miguel had agreed with Ziyi, but he knew that Miguel understood that being yelled at would never be good enough to dissuade Alec. He must have agreed with her only to show Alec that he believed he was a man too.

"I'm tired," Alec announced suddenly. Miguel stared at him, surprised. He obliged anyways, following Alec up to his room, helping him carry his bags up there.

The room was quite bare, especially since Alec took most of his things with him whenever he left. Alec never had time for the room. He so rarely spent time in it, and the few times he was in there, he was rarely concerned with the decorating.

Indeed, today it started with Miguel gently rubbing Alec's shoulder. They moved very quickly, to bed, to nudity, and so forth. Here was another reason why Alec felt guilty. This time, to both Haal and Miguel.

He used both of them. There was no other way to put it. He didn't understand it. It wasn't him. It just wasn't like him to take advantage of these guys, both of whom were perfectly kind to him. Alec heavily suspected that they both felt the exact same way. Alec also knew he felt the same way towards both of them. He appreciated them, but never enough and never in the way they wanted him to.

Yes, Alec did feel a little chill whenever Miguel whispered softly into his ear, "_Te amo_." But Alec was perfectly capable of pulling Miguel in, kissing him deeply, cutting him off and silently refusing to admit the same thing back. It was the same thing he had done to Haal less than twenty-four hours ago.

Miguel was a little different though. Unlike Haal, he knew of Alec's relationship with Magnus, and Miguel knew that to win Alec, he would have to get him to forget Magnus, something they both knew to be true, but something Miguel would never admit to himself. Alec wished again that Miguel would take a hint. Sometimes it was relieving to spend weeks away from him. Alec had often joked to himself how Isabelle would have been proud. Two guys, both of whom would die for Alec if he asked.

Sometime later, Alec and Miguel lay together in bed, Miguel with his arms wrapped around Alec. He was imagining to himself how different things would have been if Alec was able to admit that he loved him too, Alec knew. Alec was remembering how Magnus had held him in a way similar to this. But then, Alec had felt safe.

"Alec," Miguel pleaded. He wanted Alec so desperately, and it jarred Alec to know how he could never reciprocate any of these feelings. He shook his head silently. Miguel clutched Alec tighter. "Why, Alec? They don't love you. Haal is nothing but a distraction. Magnus," Alec winced at the name, "is in the past. I'm sorry, but… please, Alec. I love you here, now. _Te amo…"_

"_Lo siento," _Alec told him, and he meant it. Fortunately, there was a knock on the door then. Alec scrambled out of Miguel's arms and yanked on a pair of jeans. He opened the door to see Ziyi, the solemn Asian caretaker of the Institute. She knew why Alec was only half dressed, and she had told him many times of her disapproval. She'd had better luck trying to get him not to go on the long trips with Haal. Her eyes reflected her disapproval now.

Ziyi had been a regular in Alec's new life. She had welcomed him with open arms, and, while respecting that he was a fully-grown man, had taught him further. She instructed him in the fighting styles of southern China, something that had honestly been a bit of an enigma to Alec up until now. She had showed him her culture and taught him her language. Alec could proudly say that he was fluent in Cantonese. In many ways, Ziyi had been like a surrogate mother, though Alec often had to remind himself that he still had a mother back in New York.

"Really, Alec?" she asked him quietly. He tried to answer her, but for once, he didn't have any excuses. She had a way of pinning him down with only her sharp, dark eyes. She shook her head, her jet-black hair swaying as she did so. "Get dressed, both of you. We have company."

And she walked away. Just like that. Alec was very taken aback, and he remembered Miguel telling him that Ziyi had given up on yelling at Alec to get him to listen. Was that all she had given up on?

"Ziyi," he called to her. She turned to him then. Her face softened by a noticeable fraction.

"Welcome home, Alec." She told him, and walked away. Alec sighed and reentered his room, desperately trying to ignore the man in his bed. Before Miguel could actually ask, Alec told him there was company. That seemed to get him thinking straight. Both men dressed quickly and quietly, Alec hurrying out before Miguel could speak to him further. It killed Alec to know that he was killing Miguel right now, but Alec had been hurting people for too long now.

It shook Alec to his core to realize how cold he had gotten over the years. He was slowly turning into the bitter, scorned boyfriend. Before long he would be breaking these guys' hearts, similar to how Magnus had broken his. Alec headed without thinking towards the library. It was a very typical place for people to meet with visitors. Not that there were many.

As Alec was walking, he somehow managed to stumble over his own feet, and he stumbled forward, falling into the library door and pushing it open quickly. Only after he regained his balance did he take into account the people in the library.

At first, he noted the regulars, Ziyi and Aaron, the married couple who ran the Sydney Institute. After that, his eyes fell upon Jace, Clary, and Isabelle. He hadn't seen them in years…

But that wasn't the worst.

Behind them, not bothering to hide himself whatsoever, was Magnus.

AN: Whoa, that was long. Sorry about that. I had an idea fixed in my head, and I was determined to get it all down before I go to bed. Of course, bed for me will end up being two thirty.

So tell me what you think. I'll be updating this for sure. Tell me what you think about Alec's change of character. And tell me if you think the title is true about Alec. I'm not sure how to handle this new Alec either, so tell me what you think.

Thanks so much if you read the entire thing. You can be mean if you want, just so long as you review. ;)

If the length really bothers you, feel free to mention it.


	3. Pas assez de temps

Espérons Inutiles

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 2: Pas assez de temps

_After that, his eyes fell upon Jace, Clary, and Isabelle. He hadn't seen them in years…_

_But that wasn't the worst._

_Behind them, not bothering to hide himself whatsoever, was Magnus_

Alec froze at the sight of his ex. Magnus hadn't changed at all. He still had the crown of glittery spikes adorning his head, and, today, he wore a billowy, bright yellow shirt with leather pants the colour of fuchsia. Alec tried to stop himself from panicking. _Nothing. Never. Think of five._ Alec retreated to his safety number. Ziyi and Aaron were in the room. That was two. He decided to include his siblings and Clary. That made five. Alec didn't feel better, just a little reassured. With that out of the way, he took in his friends.

They'd all grown since he'd last seen them. Jace was very close to Alec's height, perhaps one inch shorter. He looked less like the angst-ridden teen Alec remembered and more like a man now. He stood possessively near Clary, who also looked a great deal older. No taller, but she still seemed to carry herself. While Jace stood close, as though he was proclaiming that he owned her, Clary stood on her own ground, not leaning on Jace in any way. Isabelle looked older of course, and, Alec started, she looked a lot like their mother.

Alec nodded to them, unable to say anything without knowing how they would react.

All of them looked a little surprised at Alec's appearance. He didn't doubt he looked disheveled, but he'd also attempted to not to seem so miserable. He had trashed his sweaters long ago (every time in the mirror, a voice in his head that sound awfully like Magnus would whisper, "Honestly, Alec. Really? You have to start wearing more colours! This is ridiculous," and so on). At the moment, Alec was wearing low riding jeans and a simple white T-shirt. He knew that his hair had grown a couple inches, and that he must have a bit of stubble; he forgot to take a razor with him when he'd left with Haal. Alec compared his old look to the look he sported now. He imagined they thought he'd aged quite a bit, too.

Ziyi was the one to break the awkward silence that had hung over them since Alec had walked in. "Is Miguel coming?" she asked in a tired voice. Alec nodded. Right on cue, Miguel walked into the library, looking just as disheveled as Alec. Ziyi sighed and attempted to continue on without screaming at the two of them.

"Now that everyone's here, would you care to explain why you are here?" she asked very politely. Jace nodded.

"Well, it's not so much that we came for a social call, more for a mission we're already working on," he explained. Alec noted his voice sounded very tired. "We've been tracking someone, likely a warlock, who seems to have a vendetta against the Clave."

"Vendetta?" asked Aaron, wanting more of an explanation.

Isabelle gave it. "About a year ago, it was found that the necropolis in Alicante had been disturbed. Several stones had been destroyed. After that, several explosions took place in Alicante. It's been getting worse all year. About four months ago, he attacked the Institute back home in New York," for some reason, her eyes flickered to Alec here, "and we actually fought against him." Aaron raised his eyebrows.

"That would have been an interesting fight."

"It was very well-matched," Jace assured him. "Magnus was with us at the time. He's helped a lot in this investigation," he added, surprisingly, without any maliciousness.

"The Clave asked us specifically to try and detain this man," Clary said. "Also, because it's a warlock we're looking for, the Council wanted a warlock working on this case too, so they requested that Magnus come with us."

"So, your search led you to Sydney?" Miguel asked, rather bitterly, Alec noted. It was the first time he'd spoken, and none of the guests seemed to have missed the tone in Miguel's voice. They all nodded. Ziyi stepped forwards.

"We'll be happy to assist you in any way possible," she assured them, and they all thanked her.

"We know this guy's tricky," said Isabelle. "And we'll definitely need all the help we can get. We think this may be his last stop." She seemed to move very slowly as she spoke, and Alec noted how dark it was under her eyes.

"We'll need to hear what you've learned so far," said Aaron, but Alec interrupted him.

"Aaron, you do realize that Sydney is fourteen hours ahead of New York City?"

"Yes, but what- oh!" He realized what Alec meant immediately. "Of course, you all must be exhausted."

"Alec?" Ziyi addressed him. "Can you escort our guests to some rooms? I'm sure we have at least four available." Alec nodded but Clary then assured them that Magnus was going to be staying somewhere else in the city. The warlock in question spoke quietly to Ziyi for a moment before leaving. Alec didn't allow himself to move an inch before he was gone. At least Alec didn't have to worry about him being too near.

The other three didn't seem to want to take this time to rest, but they couldn't hide their exhaustion. Alec escorted them to the bedrooms. He hadn't taken three steps out the library door when he felt someone tug him around and hug him. It was Isabelle. He hugged her back.

"God, I missed you," she muttered. Alec wondered why she had just said it to him instead of trying to assert that she couldn't care less about her brother.

"You too, Izzy."

Jace sauntered over and gave him what Aaron would have called a man hug. "It's good to see you." Alec just nodded in return. There was something in the air between them that he couldn't place. Clary was a different story. She gave him a tight hug as soon as Jace moved out of the way.

"God, you look so different!" she exclaimed.

"No sweaters?" asked Isabelle, causing Alec to grin wryly.

"It's too warm here for those sweaters. I haven't worn them in a while." Isabelle smiled as he spoke.

"You also picked up an accent."

Alec was a little surprised by this. It couldn't be helped, he supposed. Save for Ziyi and Miguel, everyone he spoke to nowadays was an Aussie. He tried to smile wider. "I thought you guys were exhausted."

Isabelle nodded blearily. "We had to leave at two in the morning, because we were assuming that it might be better for us to come some time in the afternoon."

"It was a horrible trip," Jace commented. "We had to come through a portal in the outside yard. Imagine how we must have looked standing outside in summer clothes in the middle of winter. Well, actually, I'm pretty sure I blinded some girls who were passing by." And Alec laughed. Isabelle looked a little surprised. In the years he'd spent away, Alec had become much more familiar with laughter.

"Um, here's one of the larger rooms," he gestured towards one. He looked towards Jace and Clary. "Will you two…"

"Yes!" proclaimed Jace without even hesitating. He took both his and Clary's bags and dashed inside. Clary shook her head.

"I think he had orders from my mother not to share a room with me." Alec chuckled again. Clary followed him inside, leaving the siblings out in the hall together. Isabelle honestly looked rather awkward with the situation. Isabelle! Awkward! Alec was very confused by his family.

"Alec-"

"How about this," he offered, "you get the sleep you need, and we'll talk when you're awake." He waited for her answer, and she smiled and accepted. She followed him to the next room, and helped her bring her bags in. She thanked him quietly.

"It really is good to see you." She seemed unusually sincere as she said it to him, something that unnerved Alec. By now Alec was very confused by the lot of them, so he just nodded and hurried out.

He ran up to his room, determined to get there before Miguel. He managed it, and he promptly locked the door and flopped onto the bed. What was going on? His family seemed so different. Jace and Isabelle both seemed so… serious. It was frightening. Clary was still Clary, though that still unnerved Alec in itself. And why had they brought… him? Alec hadn't had any warning whatsoever, and it scared him to know that he was so close. Alec had tried so hard to forget about him. It wasn't like Isabelle to not give him any notice.

Then again, Alec thought, she hardly notified him of anything anymore. They didn't really keep in contact. Sure, they'd tried to call each other regularly. The phone calls had gotten more difficult, because Alec was starting to go on his voyages with Haal, and Isabelle had gotten in trouble for running the phone bill from long conversations with Alec. It wasn't cheap for her to call Australia regularly. They'd tried email, but it was the voyages again that made it difficult for Alec to keep the commitment. They had eventually resorted to snail mail, but it was too annoying for either of them to commit to. After two years, Alec had completely dropped contact with his sister. The story was similar and shorter with Jace; they had given up after a few phone calls. He'd begun to suspect that Jace would never forgive him for leaving. Alec's parents sent him a letter from time to time, but other than that, Alec hadn't any contact with his family back home.

None of them knew about Haal or Miguel. They didn't know that he'd gained fluency in Spanish and Cantonese, as well as picking up on Australian slang. They didn't know about Alec's life now, not one bit of it. And, or course, Alec knew nothing of their life back home. This news about a rampant warlock was a complete surprise to him. Alec knew this was another thing to feel guilty for. Three things now, Haal, Miguel, and not bothering to keep in contact with his family. He only needed two more things, and he might begin to feel better about the guilt.

He wondered how Isabelle might take the news about Haal and Miguel. Would she actually be proud? Or would she be furious? He didn't know what she was like now, and it was hard to judge it based on the person he'd known growing up. The person he was now hadn't existed then, so he hadn't the slightest clue. After a few moments of silence, Alec came to the conclusion that it might just be better not to mention it. What Isabelle didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

Alec heard a sharp knock on his door, and he knew it to be Miguel. He hesitated before getting up and opening it. Miguel looked just as upset as he had in the library. And Alec wasn't in the mood to humor him.

"What's wrong?" he asked bluntly. Miguel scowled at him. He shouldn't have to say, but, again, Alec didn't feel up to being nice to him.

"It was wrong of them to bring him here." He hissed the words at Alec, almost as if they were his fault. Alec raised his eyebrows.

"Well, you've been here for the past seven weeks. Didn't they call beforehand?" Miguel hesitated to answer, but he always caved to Alec.

"They did. They just never mentioned-"

"It wouldn't have made a difference if they had," Alec said coldly. He now had a valid reason to be upset with Miguel. He had known about his family coming, and he hadn't even told Alec. Damn him, Alec thought savagely, then decided that Miguel hadn't mentioned it because he cared about Alec and wanted him to be happy. Damn me, Alec decided.

"_Si,_ it would have!" and he launched into a tirade of fast Spanish curses. Alec watched the whole thing, rather bored as he did. Alec got fed up with it halfway through, and he headed over to his dresser, pulling some money out of one of the drawers. He grabbed his coat and strode back over to the door. Miguel had stopped cursing and now stared at Alec.

"I'm going out," he stated simply.

"You just got back!" he called after Alec, who promptly ignored him. "ALEC!" Miguel continued being ignored.

Alec was almost down the end of the hall when he heard Miguel mutter, "You are cruel to me." At that, Alec froze. Well, it was Miguel's choice to pursue Alec; someone he knew would probably never reciprocate his feelings and treat him as a lover should.

"It's not my fault you're senseless and masochistic," he said, loudly enough so he knew that Miguel could hear him.

Out of all his reasons to feel guilty, Miguel was the least pressing. He hurt himself by using Alec, yet he insisted in pursuing Alec. They both knew the problems and risks associated with this affair. As far as their problems went, Alec knew that he was not the one trying to inject every feeling into it. Miguel was the one who insisted that every loving moment be long and tender, that he must throw all his energy and passion into something that would only end badly. Alec was, at least, being realistic.

AN: Meh. What was that? I'm hitting my head on the wall right now, partially because of the ending, as well as the lame dialogue, and a touch of masochism. I almost feel the need to apologize for the lack of anything. Next chapter will be long; I swear on my iPod. I guess I decided to let Alec off easy for now, but don't worry, I've still got the big Magnus confrontation planned. Well, I hope you liked it. Just saying, I'm terrified of approaching this dialogue, though I'm gonna work on it. I guess it's just… they haven't seen each other in years, haven't spoken to each other in years, and it's hard to go all out reunion mode when half the group still feel like it's two in the morning. I really hope I got the time zone thing right. Call me out if it's not right, please.

Thanks for reading! Reviews might not make me update faster, but it's a great boost of confidence, as well as a reason to keep on writing.


	4. Je ne veux pas voir

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 3: Je ne veux pas voir.

Isabelle couldn't sleep. It wasn't exactly as if she wasn't exhausted; when they left the Institute for Australia, it had been two in the morning. It wouldn't be wrong to say that it was hard to fall asleep when the rest of the city was still going on with their day, but that wasn't the real reason. It was seeing Alec.

At first, Isabelle hadn't even recognized him. The man that walked in had been just as messy as she remembered Alec to be, but he seemed less awkward than she remembered. He looked, well, attractive. What with the tan, windswept hair, and simple clothes, he could have been a male model who'd literally stepped out of the pages of a magazine. And it wasn't just that, it didn't seem to bother Alec. Isabelle remembered how self-conscious Alec had been before. He'd deliberately tried to hide himself from everyone who so much as looked at him. She bet now that any girl who walked by him swooned. And she couldn't picture this Alec being embarrassed by it. He might even like people gawking at him. It didn't seem surprising that he was sleeping with another guy, right here in the Institute.

Watching him and talking to him seemed to make him seem even more bizarre. Isabelle hadn't been the only one worried about how Alec would react if they brought Magnus with him. They knew he had to come, but they didn't know if it was a good thing for him to see Alec. But Alec had just stood there, stared at Magnus for a few seconds, and moved on. It hadn't even fazed him! Add in the rough accent he'd somehow picked up, and Alec had turned into a complete stranger.

It was sad really. They'd always been able to talk, but Isabelle wasn't even able to talk to this strange man who called himself Alec. She might as well have been introduced to her mother's sister's second cousin twice removed and expected to be best friends. She suspected it was the same thing for Jace and Clary. None of them knew this person.

She wondered what Magnus had thought. She would never breath a word of it to Alec, as it was so personal and not her news to tell, but Magnus had been hoping that this reunion with Alec might bring them back together. Neither man had ever told anyone about why they had broken up in the first place. Both had simply said, "It just wasn't working out. We fell apart." As if. Isabelle knew for a fact that they had really been in love for a time there. She wondered sometimes if Magnus had actually been the one to end it, or if one of them hadn't done something huge to piss the other off. Whatever happened, Magnus had admitted to Isabelle that he wanted to work things out with Alec. Now that he'd seen this new Alec, what would Magnus think? Was it still worth pursuing him?

Isabelle didn't know how to deal with this person. She sighed and buried her head in the covers. She was going to have to; that she knew for certain.

-Break-

After about a year of dating Haal, Alec decided that perhaps it would be good for him to get his own boat. He'd explained to Haal how he loved being out on the water, and the long periods of time in which he had to endure between felt too long. Because Alec had proposed the idea, Haal was all for it. Problem was, even he didn't have enough money to buy a boat, and, after a couple days of thought, Alec decided that he wasn't going to let Haal buy him an actual boat.

It felt extremely weird job-hunting, but his search had somehow gained him a job as a bartender. He'd been surprised; he didn't have much under his belt as far as mixing drinks went, and he wasn't always the most charismatic person. But he'd gotten extremely lucky; not that many people applying to this particular bar, not one of the most popular bars, and to add to it, the manager had been a single girl. He'd been a little ashamed of winking at the time, but the manager had insisted that he seemed very nice and reasonable. He learned the recipes, studying as hard as he had once studied demonology textbooks, and took off.

It had taken a bit of getting used to, but he picked it up surprisingly quick. After a couple months of working there, Alec thought to himself, not for the first time, that the old Alec would not have had a shot at this job. It was his internal decision to change himself that resulted in him gaining a bit of confidence. Not much, just enough to be able be friendly and to socialize with the customers. And it was always interesting to hear some of the drunken stories people had to tell. Many times, Alec had found himself confronted by teenagers hoping to get by easy. Alec had easily been able to imagine Isabelle or Jace doing the same thing, drinking underage, and he'd sent away a bunch of angry teenagers. Oh yeah, he was good.

At the time, Alec had been fixed on the prospect of having a boat, and he knew that he wasn't going to be able to buy one any time soon. So he'd looked into getting a second job. He rather enjoyed preparing things and serving food and drinks, so this time he was prepared. He had honestly spent five months learning how to cook and searching for a job that would enable him to do so. Eventually, he befriended someone at the bar who helped him get a job at a Chinese restaurant. So, six months after he became a bar tender, he began cooking at a Chinese restaurant.

It was perhaps the most bizarre combination of jobs he could have gotten. Haal had never understood how Alec had gotten so lucky, and Alec agreed. Of course, he didn't regret either of those jobs. He enjoyed both immensely, and Ziyi for one was impressed with both. To sum it all up, Alec knew this wouldn't have been possible for the old Alec.

It had made his life more enjoyable and hectic than ever. Though he loved both jobs immensely, he never could forget that he had another job, one that was given to him at birth. Whenever he wasn't at the restaurant or the bar, he was out hunting demons with the others at the Institute, always wishing he were on Haal's boat. And whenever he wasn't doing any of those things, he was on Haal's boat, wishing he were at the bar, the restaurant, or hunting demons. It was crazy, and he often felt guilty he ever undercompensated for any one of those things (There was four.). If he considered his life from afar, as he weren't the one living it, he would really be wondering what kind of person would live like that. It wasn't Alec's ideal life at all. If he chose to explore his own nature, he realized that he'd changed so drastically because even his own regular self reminded him of how he'd been with Magnus. The life of a scorned man was an unusual one.

After doing that for so long, he remembered the boat. And after spending the longest possible time trying to choose, followed by rigorous lessons by Haal on how to use it, Alec was finally able to sail his own boat. He went with Haal for long trips, vacations almost. And he went out on his own boat for pleasure. It was his own small yacht, all black, unlike most of the boats, and very non-conspicuous. It was the closest Alec was to his old self anymore.

So out of all the things to be doing while he waited for his family and friends to sleep, he headed for his boat. It was easy as day to get it out into the water, moving as quickly as possible in the busy bay, filled with workers trying to get in for the day. Once Alec was far out, he allowed himself to rest.

He didn't want to spend a lot of time thinking, so he spent about a minute considering how to deal with Magnus being at the Institute. It would definitely be easiest to be professional about it. Just ignore him, and if he couldn't, act as if nothing had ever happened. And his family? Stick to the task at hand, he decided. Tell them how there are just as many demons here as there were in New York. They had no need to know of Haal, Miguel, or any of his other reasons to feel guilty.

After a few hours of sailing around and doing nothing, Alec headed back in, not entirely wanting to, but the sun had come out, causing the water to shine and glitter as it set.

It reminded him too much of Magnus.

-Break-

Isabelle woke up at 11:50, Australian time. For her, it felt like nine in the morning. It was very unnerving, waking up when it was still dark outside, yet feeling no reason to get back to sleep. She decided to get ready anyways. Sure, the Australian shadowhunters would be sleeping, but that might be for the better. This wasn't exactly a normal case.

They'd caught onto that at least. It was absolutely bizarre for the Clave to send some of the only shadowhunters they had in New York half way across the world to find a rogue warlock, especially when there were other shadowhunters already living there. Add in the warlock as part of their company, and they made the oddest group ever, with an unbelievable tale to match.

She wished she could tell Alec.

-Break-

Alec had spent only three hours on his boat. After too much meditation, he'd came back in, only to run into an angry Aaron, who insisted that they at least patrol for a few hours. They'd spent the next few hours hunting demons. Well, it was all a part of Alec's hectic life now. His life as a shadowhunter had also been altered; it was no longer as difficult.

After spending most of his working life with Isabelle and Jace, it had been nearly impossible to adjust to the fighting styles of Miguel, Ziyi, and Aaron. There were a fair amount of differences, Alec had learned. They moved quicker, and they almost seemed to prolong the battles. Back home, it had been easier for the group of them to focus on killing it as fast as possible. They followed any precautions if they were necessary, but they were quick to kill it and call it a day, Jace being the rare exception to that rule. But Jace's way of prolonging the hunt mainly involved extending the adrenaline and taunting the demon once the fun was over.

The Australian hunters were so different; it was unnerving. Yes, they always aimed for the kill, but they were willing to wait for it. They didn't charge in immediately. Sometimes they waited to strike, others, it seemed, they wanted to let demons feel the pain of being stabbed for longer. It was very reckless, sometimes quite risky, but it was a lifestyle for them. With almost every Australian he met, they seemed rougher, and it was a pattern that kept with the shadowhunters. They were all perfectly reasonable – none of them were like Jace, as though the hunt was an amusing game for them – it was literally a part of how they grew up; the shadowhunters almost expected things to be rough and grim, and they acted as though it wasn't necessarily a problem.

The hardest thing for Alec was honestly just learning to adjust his own fighting style to match theirs. It presented a greater challenge than learning to cook mu shu pork or how to mix margaritas. In between everything else he was doing, it had presented a great challenge to him. But Alec remembered how he had often confronted challenges back home. When the problem seemed to great, he often retreated, trying to find an easier way to solve his problems. He refused to do that anymore. He was going to face his challenges head on. By now, Alec was pretty much on par with the Australian's fighting style. In many ways, it had become his style.

That night wasn't very hard on either man, as they had only actually found three demons, and they were nothing more than Ravenors. After about an hour looking for demons, but finding none, Aaron left for the Institute and left an even greater challenge than hunting demons to Alec: grocery shopping.

In many ways, it was a punishment for being so lax on his duties. After getting lost in the isles, Alec was forced to buy the food on his own, as well as carry them all the way back to the Institute. Then there was the problem of getting coffee for the Australians, who would likely end up forcing themselves to stay awake for a longer chat with the guests. Alec made a very strange sight in the end, carrying ten heavy bags as well as two full coffee cup containers.

And that was how he walked into the kitchen, right in the middle of a conversation between everyone else in the Institute, as well as the guests and Magnus. Izzy blinked, surprised, but Aaron and Ziyi smirked, taking only the coffee out of his hands.

Miguel whispered to him in Spanish "It's what you get."

Alec listened to the continuing conversation as he began to stock the shelves and fridge on his own.

"So you were saying?"

"Well," Clary continued, still sounding surprised at Alec's arrival, "We know from Magnus' contacts that this warlock is named Demetri Celior, and he was last known to be living in eastern Russia."

"Do you know what he wants? What he's trying to gain from any of his attacks?" asked Aaron. Isabelle shook her head at that.

"We're still not entirely sure. It could just be that he's some Downworlder who's not entirely satisfied with the order of things. You know, with the Council."

"That doesn't make sense," muttered Ziyi. "Why would he just start doing this years six years after the actual Council was formed?" They didn't have any answers.

"If you don't mind me asking," said Aaron, slowly, "why did the Clave insist upon you four coming?"

There was obvious hesitation amongst them now. It couldn't be that bad, Alec reasoned. Maybe…

"We think he's after Alec," Jace said bluntly. Isabelle, sitting down next to him, kicked him rather obviously. Alec just blinked, unable to say anything out of surprise.

"What?" he asked quietly, eventually managing to get the words out.

"We don't know that," Clary rushed to say. "When we fought him, he recognized Isabelle, and he said something about saying hi to her brother. We were kind of hoping that he meant, well, Max-"

"The stupid warlock wouldn't even make it into heaven," Jace muttered, so quietly that Alec almost missed it.

"But we have camera footage of him getting on a flight to Australia." The Australians had been looking more and more confused as the story continued.

"A plane?" said Miguel skeptically. Clary nodded. Ziyi, skepticism gathering in her face too, easily was able to list off some of the warlocks she knew to live in the area.

"Any one of them will tell where Celior is, if he's even here at all." She continued to look each of the guests in the eye as she spoke, refusing to back down.

Clary accepted this, and continued, "The Clave also thought it would be good for us to go after him because we knew what he looked like and how he fought. They considered sending more, but then Magnus offered to come with us, and that pretty much satisfied them." Ziyi nodded.

"The Clave doesn't consider this a major threat." It was a question and a statement, to which Clary confirmed that no, the Council didn't consider this much of a problem.

"We'll probably end up spending a few days here just tracking him," Magnus offered. It shook Alec to the core as he spoke. Throughout the whole conversation, Magnus had been silent. That ought to have been odd enough to Alec, but his voice sounded so different. It sounded much more solemn. Perhaps it was because he was bored (he certainly looked it), and Alec remembered painfully how Magnus had always spoken to him that way as their relationship had been coming to and end. As they'd slowly drifted apart, Magnus had slowly grown bored with him. Alec spent too long remembering the lowest part of his life, and he missed part of the conversation. The Australians were starting to head to their rooms, it being their time to sleep now. Alec fully intended to run off to his room, but he felt, rather than saw, Magnus leave the room.

He hesitated to leave, but then Isabelle called back to him. Alec turned, worried about what would happen. He walked back to the three of them, keeping a straight face.

"So," Clary started expectantly. "How's it been living down under?"

"It's… really different." It was hard to put it. "There's been a lot to get used to." They all looked at him blankly. "How've you guys been?" he offered lamely. Isabelle rolled her eyes.

"It's been different," she mimicked him.

Clary was smiling. "Nothing much happened since you left, except…"

Jace sat up, startled. "Nothing much? Clary-"

"I was kidding," she said, smiling as she did. She used her left hand to carefully brush a few hairs out of her face. Odd, because there hadn't been any hairs out of place-

"No way," Alec said slowly. "You... you two-"

"We've been engaged for two months now," Clary confirmed. Alec grinned at them, genuinely happy to hear the good news. It truly amazed him that, while he was becoming cruel and wicked to anyone who cared about him, Jace and Clary had been able to achieve such happiness. The knowledge made him feel filthy and ashamed in comparison. The best he could do was smile broadly at them. It hurt him inside and outside to do so.

"That's amazing," he said, attempting to instill four years of happiness into his soft, ashamed voice. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," said Jace. "Quite frankly, I feel I deserve it for asking Clary's mother beforehand." And Alec laughed at that. Clary's eyebrows crinkled as she scowled at Jace.

"She wasn't that bad. She was happy for us."

Jace opened his mouth, knowing he couldn't really piss off his fiancée. "Of course, dear." Clary rolled her eyes and turned back to Alec. "We don't really have much planned in terms of a wedding. It'll be easier, though, when this whole warlock business is cleared up."

"Speaking of-" started Isabelle, but Alec's instinct kicked in, screaming that he couldn't talk about it.

"How've things been going with you and Simon?" It was the best he could think of. Isabelle shrugged, attempting to look nonchalant.

"It's been pretty good for a while now. Sometimes we're on. Sometimes we're off," she hesitated, before adding, "And it's great when it is on."

"You now owe us two answers." So Jace had been keeping count? Alec raised his eyebrows and nodded for him to ask.

"What's up with you and Rodriguez?" asked Isabelle, who rolled the R's nice and long. Alec scowled.

"His name is Miguel."

"Does it matter? He's sexy and Spanish and apparently your new playmate." Isabelle's smirk widened into a smile as Alec glared at her. Some part of his brain wondered if his old self would have blushed.

"Miguel is just a friend." He said it as firmly as he could. He worried that he might start blushing, so he hastened to pull the large jug of vanilla milk out of the fridge.

"Really? 'Cause I can tell just by looking at him that he is _en amor,_" she said with another grin. He rolled his eyes.

"The word is _enamorado-"_

"So you admit it?" asked Clary, who was also grinning at him now. Alec found that the teasing didn't necessarily embarrass him; he was actually rather annoyed.

"There is nothing going on with Miguel and I. We're friends; nothing more, nothing less."

"Then why was he so upset about the walking talking piece of glitter being here?" It was Jace who asked this time, and Alec just shrugged in response. He wouldn't have been able to control his voice if he'd answered. Before they asked him any more questions, he managed to choke out how it was really late, and he was getting tired. It wasn't a real lie, but if they hadn't intended to bring up Magnus, he would have pulled an all-nighter just to talk to them. He tried to back out of the room as quickly as possible.

"Alec, wait!" It was Isabelle. Alec turned cautiously.

"We're sorry about Magnus being here; we needed him to come with us."

"Okay."

Isabelle looked like she wanted to say so much more, and Alec couldn't exactly guess what. He looked into her dark eyes, surprised to see… almost an apology. What was she sorry for? Bringing Magnus? Not keeping in touch for years now? Alec was glad she didn't say anything though. If she openly said it, it would make their "faults" seem too real. Ignoring it would allow them to continue on now, as close family. It was easier to pretend there was nothing wrong when they were talking, trying to reconnect, though they wouldn't even admit they were doing that.

Alec said goodnight to his family, as Clary would soon be a part of it, and he headed off to his room, holding the jug of milk close to him, as if it would protect him from his internal demons. He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to reconnect with his family. He wasn't ready to work to hide his new life from them. And he certainly wasn't prepared in the slightest to see Magnus again. So far, it had been sleep that had kept them from talking; thank the Lord for time zones. Alec could only pray that they didn't stay long enough to get used to it. He was getting tired of always thinking about his family and Magnus. He should probably be worried about this rogue warlock coming after him, but he couldn't muster up the energy to panic just yet.

He turned the final corner to his room to see Miguel and Magnus facing each other. Both of them looked furious at the other, as though they had been arguing. Damn it, Miguel, Alec swore to himself. A second after he had turned the corner, both men noticed him standing there, clutching the jug of vanilla milk. He let his hands drop to his sides. He wanted so badly to walk away, no, _run_ away from the anger he felt in front of him; he was only looking at Miguel's surprised face, but he could feel anger leaking away from him.

Miguel spluttered to say something to him, and so, staring straight into Miguel's face, Alec hissed in Spanish, "Fuck off."

Miguel looked so hurt, and all the anger he'd had on his face a moment ago seemed to be returning. He glanced towards Magnus, then back to Alec. Alec's face hadn't changed, so Miguel walked away. Alec, set on getting into his room, was not going to let Magnus stop him. He walked quietly up to his door.

"Alec," he heard behind him. The voice made Alec stumble with the lock; it sounded soft, yet urgent. Alec was determined to ignore him, though if Magnus didn't back off he wasn't sure how long he would be able to keep that up. He continued trying to open the lock.

"Alec, wait," he said again, this time more urgent. He gently placed a hand on Alec's shoulder.

Too much.

Alec spun around, whipping the hand away from him. "Don't touch me!" he spat out. He turned around and rammed the door open with his shoulder. He rushed in and tried to slam the door, but Magnus already had a hand and a foot in the door. Alec scrambled to push the door shut anyways.

"Alec, please just hear me out." Alec grunted as he tried to push the door shut. When had Magnus gotten strong?

"NO!" Alec practically shouted. He threw all of his effort into shutting the door, and suddenly, it worked. The door slammed shut with all of the effort he'd been using to close it. Alec sank to the floor in surprise, not quite ready for the lack of effort coming from the other side. He was just about to sigh in relief when-

"Alec," a voice said with firmness and finality. Alec spun around and got to his feet in the same motion, leaning against the door for support now. Magnus was right there in his room.

"We need to talk."

AN: HA! This was for the person who called me evil! Muahahahahaha!

…

I guess you were right on that one. But hey, this story was over four thousand words; I'm back on track.

Please tell me what you thought about my dialogue. The marriage was spur of the moment on my part, but I suppose they had it coming. I'm not gonna lie to you though, I'm nervous about the confrontation myself.

That's all for now. Please review and I hope you enjoyed it.


	5. Pas Maintenant  Jamais

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 4: Pas maintenant. Jamais

"_Alec," a voice said with firmness and finality in his voice. Alec spun around and got to his feet in the same motion, leaning against the door for support now. Magnus was right there in his room. _

"_We need to talk."_

Alec couldn't move. The sight of Magnus there, right in front of him, was far too unnerving. Alec's lips were frozen, as was the rest of his face. It was as if the sight of the man in front of him turned his entire body into jelly. He didn't want Magnus to scare him like this; had he not gained any confidence over the past six years? Considering it, Alec realized that, yes, he'd gained confidence over the years, but he'd grown soft. He required preparation for hard emotional times. Maybe this would have gone better if Miguel had told him before the sex that Magnus would be coming. Or maybe he could've have been told before his six, no, seven week boat trip. Know what? Magnus just should've told him six years ago when he'd broken up with Alec. Just a little heads up, I'll be visiting you in Australia six years from now. That would have been much more considerate.

But Magnus wouldn't have known that he'd be here. Alec wondered absently if Magnus had felt similar to the way he felt, hesitant to talk again, and if this trip really was an inconvenience for him. Magnus didn't look scared or worried. He just looked a little pissed off. Alec's natural mask had slipped on; he showed no emotion.

"I'm sorry for just barging into your life without notice-"

"Go away, Magnus," Alec breathed in a monotone. Magnus looked a little taken aback by Alec's sudden rebuke, but he shook his head.

"I really want to talk to you."

Alec stared at the floor, determined not to look at him. The carpet was grey and bland, and it partially kept Alec's poker face on. Except… the bland darkness was creeping closer and closer. Alec couldn't – he just couldn't – look weak or hurt in front of Magnus. Alec listened as Magnus huffed in exasperation, and he watched as little flecks of glitter fell to his grey, bland carpet. Alec frowned slightly.

"Look at me, Alec." His voice was soft and pleading. That helped a little. It reminded him of how Miguel had pleaded just a few hours ago. Of course, Miguel had been pleading for a very different reason, one that was much smaller in Alec's mind. Alec breathed in an out slowly, trying to regain himself. It didn't help that Magnus' scent was already diffusing through his room. No. No. Think of Miguel. And it worked, sort of.

"This really isn't fair," stated Alec. "You're fully rested and I'm exhausted." He heard a rustle of movement.

"Alec, I' not going to let sleep get in the way of us talking again," Magnus said determinedly. "We have to talk."

"About what?" he almost moaned.

"Why is Latina all pissed at me for being here?"

"Miguel?" Alec knew for a fact there was more to this confrontation the Miguel. "Just ignore him; it's easy." Those were the first words that Alec said that sounded easy and flowing; as if he had no problem whatsoever saying them. And that stabbed him in the heart, that his cruelty was so easy to him. This wasn't right! He wasn't like this! Even Magnus raised an eyebrow. He at least had the mercy to leave the subject alone. "Is there something you wanted to say to me?"

"A lot, to be honest."

"Please hurry. I'm really tired." Alec kept his voice very nonchalant. Magnus' face was softening.

"I remember how you always used to berate yourself for being so cruel," he said, as Alec felt a chill in his spine, knowing how Magnus could see right through him. "I don't blame you for it. He has it coming-"

"Why did you have to come?" Alec said rather loudly. It was an explosion of all the pain he'd been feeling since Magnus showed up, mixed in with the hurt of the past six years, and both were slowly seeping out.

"I was asked to come," Magnus insisted, standing his ground. "I-"

"Did you know I was here?" Alec demanded. His voice was just letting louder.

"No. And you know what?"

"I don't give a-"

"I still would have come, even if I'd known!" he shouted, desperate to assure he was heard above Alec. Alec's rage halted in its tracks, ready to race on if Magnus didn't get out of here soon. "Alec… I… I came here to say I'm sorry."

Alec said nothing. He felt nothing now.

"I've spent six years missing you. Needing you back. Regretting how I hurt you. Do you even know how I felt when I came to the Institute and Isabelle told me you were gone?"

Alec scowled at him. He felt annoyed at him now.

"I could never find you. I looked everywhere… you weren't even here when I came to find you!"

Alec raised an eyebrow. He felt like laughing at Magnus' failures to find him.

"I've spent all these years praying I'd find you. When I heard what the warlock said… Alec, I've never been so scared in all my life. Believe me, I had no idea why your sister picked Australia; you're the last person I expected to see come through that door."

Alec was loosing all feeling again.

"In eight hundred years… I've never been so… unnerved. I wanted this so bad. But, I wasn't ready."

Alec stood then, sensing that time was up. At least he had gained some security knowing that Magnus was as ready as he was.

"Go," he said, preventing Magnus from continuing. "We don't need to say anything now."

"Alec," Magnus said. Alec winced at how Magnus' voice caressed the word.

"Please. I'm tired and I'm as ready as you are to even speak again." At that, Magnus was struck dumb, unable to speak. Alec felt good at least knowing that his poker face was as good as Magnus'. "And, do _you_ know what?" he spat at Magnus.

Magnus shook his head.

"I don't really want to hear about how bad _you _had it when I've spent the past six years always knowing you-" he stopped himself, because he knew if he went on, he wouldn't be able to stop from sobbing like a child.

"Alec," Magnus said quietly. "I am so sorry for what I did to you."

No. Alec looked at the warlock in front of him. He honestly looked like he meant it. Alec couldn't muster up the energy to feel anything towards him but guilt. Somehow, Alec managed to delude himself into thinking that this wasn't any different. This was just like how his nights went with Haal or Miguel, just with a bit more yelling. Alec would refuse whatever feeling was offered, and it wouldn't bother him. Okay, it might bother him, but he would ignore it. He had no doubts that it would be harder to ignore Magnus, but Alec felt more determined to push Magnus away.

"I can't hear this now." Alec shut off any feelings that might arise. He opened the door wide, gesturing for Magnus to go. Magnus tried to catch his eye, but Alec looked away. It was the same tactic he used on Miguel, but of course it wouldn't work as well now. Magnus stepped towards the door, but he placed a hand on Alec's shoulder. Alec stiffened as he felt Magnus lean in.

"I'm not going to give up on this. On us." Alec knew from the way he spoke that this was true. And would Alec be able to resist as easily as he had with the others?

Magnus left the room, and Alec pushed it shut behind him. He took a step toward the door, waited a few seconds, and let his head hit the door with a loud thud. He squeezed his eyes shut and brought his knees up to his chest. He curled up as tight as he could, as though forming such a tight ball would protect him from the outside world. It was as if no one could hear him.

So, only when no one could see him did he let himself cry.

-Break-

Isabelle was going over the names of the warlocks in Sydney that Ziyi had given her. She compared it with the notes she had taken in Zurich. She hated this mission – particularly all the pain it was causing her brother – but it was interesting for her to travel. Jace had told her about his adventures with his "father" throughout his childhood, he'd sometimes gloated, though Isabelle would never openly admit that she was jealous.

She couldn't help her awe though when they were in these new places. That was something she couldn't hide around Jace, no matter how hard she tried. She'd seen New York. She'd seen Idris. She'd even seen the inner halls of the Seelie Court. She shouldn't be amazed at simple mundane places, but she couldn't help herself.

Knowing how Celior had first lived in Russia, that was their first destination. That had probably been a rough way to start off their journey. It had set Isabelle in a harsh mood. Every minute they spent there, Isabelle could just feel her whole body start to freeze up. She'd just managed to get over it so she could appreciate the world around her. Then they were off to Africa, sent there on some tip from a Russian warlock. They wouldn't have believed it, but there had been at least four others who'd heard that Celior was traveling to Kenya. So they'd gone there. It was an issue that conflicted Isabelle; she couldn't decide which was worse, the cold Russian city, or the boiling heat of Africa.

It was hard to appreciate a new place when being there made you feel like you were in an oven the whole time. They'd stayed in Nairobi for most of the time, but they'd had to go out into the actual savannah a couple times so they could meet some of the local witch doctors (emphasis on witch). And, as cool as Africa had been (in all ways but temperature), after four weeks in the boiling sun, they'd determined that no one of the Shadow world has seen or heard of Celior being in the area, so they'd come back to New York.

At that time, it had been almost three and a half months since Celior had come to the Institute in New York, and they were all getting a little frantic. They were worried about Alec. Because, over time, Isabelle had forgotten the "where's," and she focused on the "why's". It didn't matter to her anymore where Alec had gone. All she wondered was why Alec had let the break up get to him. He could have stayed in New York. If he had, they would never have to endure any awkward silences. Alec wouldn't be sneaking around with Alejandro. And she didn't doubt that he'd be back with Magnus already. But no, she ad let it slip out of her mind, allowing the dilemma that was Alec fade into the back of her mind. She thought about him less and less; he no longer was a pressing issue.

But when it mattered the most, Isabelle couldn't find him. She was dumbfounded to know that none of them even knew where Alec was. They had all forgotten. And it scared her.

_Out of sight, out of mind._ That wasn't supposed to be true! It was wrong to think that she could forget about her only remaining brother. And perhaps that was why she couldn't speak to him now, because, every time she looked at him, a part of her feared that he knew that she had forgotten him. It would always scare her, and she would never allow it to happen again. That was pretty much why she had dragged the other three out to Australia without nearly enough explanation. She'd practically dragged herself here, because she knew she hadn't been quite prepared for the reunion with her brother yet. She needed time to come up with excuses, no, reasons as to why she had let herself forget Alec, but a part of her had panicked, remembering Celior's last words to them.

Isabelle shifted in her chair, and she felt the tight skin on her back twinge in pain. She was lucky that was all that was left. Magnus had pretty much saved her ass from the warlock's nasty burns, composed of many dark energies instead of simple flame. Whenever she felt guilty for rushing herself, her siblings, and Magnus into this reunion, she twitched just so she could feel the healing skin on her back, and she remembered that she had to protect her brother.

"You really should stop squirming," a voice said from behind her, though she could easily tell it was Magnus. She turned her neck slightly to look at him. "I'd rather not have to heal you again."

He looked tired, as though had hadn't actually been sleeping during the given hours. Isabelle noted how he seemed to be deflating. The spikes in his hair seemed to sag, and all the glitter that covered him seemed either to fall off too easily or shine in a way that reminded her of toys she'd kept as a little girl; they were dim, lifeless, and, well, not very magical. She scrutinized him carefully.

"It didn't go well." It was a statement and a question, although she was pretty certain of the answer. Magnus shook his head, confirming her suspicions. He didn't seem entirely defeated. It was like there was a part of him that would always stand tall and confident, no matter how much was thrown at him.

"It's going to get better though," Magnus said suddenly. Isabelle raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to make sure of it."

Was he trying to convince her of it? Or himself? God, she couldn't even tell.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't you dare try to… force him into anything Magnus."

"Couldn't even if I tried."

"I'm serious, warlock," she said, throwing anger into the words, trying to make them sound dangerous. "If you hurt him like you did last time, I swear… screw the Accords, I'll kill you. _You will not hurt him again_."

_You sound like Mom,_ a voice said in the back of her head. And she did. She sounded confident and sure of her words, like a woman who'd seen all the horrors of the world and knew now how to scare them. But the voice that had rung through her mind had been just like Max's. And her insides had curled up, refusing to let it get to her, but letting her confidence fly away nonetheless. All she was left with was falsely strong words. Magnus didn't even seem to be afraid of them.

He nodded solemnly at her, understanding. "I'll probably end up killing myself if I hurt him like I did last time," he murmured in a voice so eerily quiet that she knew them to be true. She nodded back, silently taking that as a promise.

He reached out a hand. For a moment, she was infuriated and tempted to slap it away. Did Magnus deserve any pity? He'd been the one to end it, after all. This was like all those stupid reality TV shows she'd watched, full of people who didn't know a good thing until it was gone. She would never forgive Magnus for what he'd done to her brother. Magnus hadn't seen Alec curl up beneath his covers, silently shaking with sobs. He hadn't been there for his boyfriend when all Alec had been able to do was stare out the window, his eyes blank and voice nonexistent. He hadn't been standing beside Isabelle when the time came to wish Alec goodbye and good luck in Australia. What the hell did Magnus deserve? Isabelle hoped that Alec would never forgive him, and that Magnus would end up alone and devastated just like Alec had been.

Then she realized that Magnus was silently asking for the list of local warlocks.

And she handed it to him.

AN: Meh. That should be a word. I'm adding it to the dictionary now. The definition: a word of displeasure used when a great deal of effort has been expended and the result is severely lacking in comparison.

It means this story wasn't as good as I'd hoped it would be. I really wasn't sure how exactly to approach the confrontation. Magnus had many different paths to take. I'm also kind of terrified whenever I take over Isabelle's POV. I don't know how to handle it yet. But it's not always what I say that counts. So PLEASE review if you can. It means the world to me. And the moon. And the stars. And a few more moons, because with reviews, I can steal them from other planets.

Sorry for taking longer than usual. I'm just trying to get over a rough spot. I'm actually about a third of the way into chapters six. I'm trying to sketch the whole thing out in my mind, but this spot is barely sketched out. Don't worry, though, the chapters after that are very colourful at the moment. I also kind of like the idea of people waiting for me to update this. It's fun.

I should say, the road map for this story is getting clearer and clearer, so I'm gonna do it in parts. I don't know how many, but it'll be easier for me to think of it that way. So, this first part is entitled _Renaissance. _It's French for rebirth. I'm thinking that this part will probably have thirteen chapters. Still, the story itself is gonna be much longer.

This has nothing to do with the story, but has anyone heard the song "White Houses" by Vanessa Carlton? I'm trying to play it, but I've still got a lot of work ahead of me. I'm pretty much spending all my time on that. Oh, and researching for this story (If I tell you, is that a sneak peak?). So far, I've been looking into Satan and all that devil stuff (we're all screwed), the Salem witch trials (paranoid idiots), Medieval execution methods (Has anyone caught on?), and Sydney, Australia. It's really hard to write about these places I've never been to before. I've hardly traveled at all in my life, so I've pretty much been stuck in Ontario my whole life. *sigh*

Why am I ranting? Who knows. Anyhow, thanks for reading, and please review.

I hoped you liked this.


	6. Le Rire Comme des Cloches

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 5: Le Rire Comme des Cloches

Alec didn't open his eyes right away. His mind as still bleary from sleeping and he felt very stiff. He stretched his legs out first, letting them stretch out all the way, regardless of what might be in the way, and he pointed his toes out. He curled his fingers, letting them roll into a fist and out again. He straightened up, feeling the ache in his neck from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. Only then did he open his eyes.

It was an odd angle to wake up in, sitting with his back against the door, looking up at the grey, gothic arches on the ceiling of his dim room. He hadn't left any lights on last night. He had just fell asleep crying against the door. Alec took the time to wipe the sleep out of his eyes, half expecting to feel the tears still on his face. Of course his face was dry, but he imagined his fingers running over the faint tear tracks that remained there. Because, while years in Australia had changed him in too many ways, his crying habits hadn't been altered in the slightest. He never cried, and it was instinct to keep himself from doing so. He fought with himself internally to prevent from doing so. Only Magnus could have caused him to cry like that.

Now that he was well rested, not straining to keep his eyes open, he didn't feel the force of misery in his eyes. He felt a swell within him at the thought of last night again, though. Magus yelling at him that he had wanted Alec back for all these years, him telling Alec that he was sorry, and those final words.

"_I'm not going to give up on this. On us."_

Alec had given up on "us" a long time ago. The thoughts of Magnus had long since faded from his memory. Everything they had done together, every date, every loving word, every kiss… he left it all behind. He didn't need all of that weighing down on him. Sometimes he could still recall those final weeks. He could still remember Magnus telling him that he didn't feel anything anymore (for the sake of self-preservation, he prevented himself from thinking any further once his thoughts had gotten that far). Whenever he thought of the days when he and Magnus had been together, he thought of it as an actual being. It had been a friend. A very nice, kind friend who had been very dear to Alec. That friend had been killed after only six months of really existing.

And now? What happened now? How would everything change after last night. Alec had to admit that, while a part of him would refuse every offer from Magnus, that the "friend" was dead forever, another part of him was seeing dead people. He felt something whenever he saw Magnus. Yes, there was fear, but there was also something else. Something he would never admit to himself. The part of him that didn't want Magnus back in his life ever was probably the half with his mouth, he decided. The part that… wanted him back was probably in the lower half of his body. Ugh… did Alec have no pride? Was he really going to swoon as soon as Magnus charmed him back into his bed? No.

_But can you really just forget about it? He's going to be here for a while. _

_Then I'm not going to let him get very far._

_Think about it! He's here to save you. Protect you._

_Yeah? What about protecting me from pain? I've had a hell of a lot of it for the past five and a half years, and where was Magnus? Probably throwing parties in his loft and hooking up with the drunkest Downworlder he could find._

And that was how Alec was able to get up and get ready for the day.

-Break-

By seven o'clock that morning, Isabelle was very bored. It was very annoying, this jet lag thing. She hated that she was at her most energetic in the middle of the night. It was so long and boring being up all night when everyone else was sleeping. It mad her feel very different, and not in the good way. She vaguely remembered Jace saying something about shadowhunters being awake and alert all the time, no matter what the situation.

_Bull. Shit._

She was waiting now for someone to get up. It was so annoying just waiting here for the sun to rise. Every now and then she looked up at the wall, watching the shadows grow farther and farther. Surely the sun had to move faster than that, she thought.

Magnus had left after skimming over the list of warlocks. He wanted to check in on any of the warlocks he considered himself to be friends with. It was often much easier if Magnus did this alone; not all the warlocks wanted a swarm of Nephilim at their front door. Jace and Clary had told her how they wanted to try sleeping through the Australian night, just so they could get over the jet lag and get right with the time zone. She didn't believe a word of it, but she assumed there would be enough work for her to do so that she wouldn't have to think about it. Of course there was hardly anything she could do in the middle of the night, so she was left with only her thoughts, particularly the ones she had thought of over and over since she first saw Australian Alec.

And speak of the devil. Isabelle started, looking to her right to see Alec walking through the kitchen door. He looked like hell.

"You didn't get any sleep?" she asked, trying to sound friendly. Alec shrugged. "Was Fernando hogging the covers all night?"

"Shut up."

"Good morning." He shook his head at her. She noticed he already had a large jug of milk in his hands, but she decided not to ask. She'd be paying for it at one in the afternoon when she'd start feeling tired, and he'd be the one tormenting her. Isabelle was actually quite glad for once to not be the grumpy morning person. Oh yes, there were bonuses to time zones and jet lag.

"How has the night been going?" he asked her. She grinned wistfully.

"Very boring," she admitted. "Jace and Clary said something about trying to sleep now and get on par with the Aussie time."

"And you believed them?" Alec asked skeptically. Isabelle shook her head.

"Not in the slightest."

Alec looked around the kitchen. "How about we eat and not talk? This conversation is headed into nauseating territories."

"Sure thing. What is there to eat for… breakfast?" she asked, though she was craving dinner by now. Alec offered her what looked like a cereal box. Written in big letters across the top was "Weet-Bix". She frowned and looked up at him questioningly.

"It's like Shreddies."

She grimaced and handed it back to him. Grinning, he placed it back in a cupboard.

"How about some toast?" That sounded safe enough, so she nodded and he put it in. He also offered eggs.

"So long as you don't throw anything in with them." As soon as the food was started, he turned. He looked a little distracted, as if he had a lot on his mind.

"So if it's not Diego," she said, earning herself a glare from Alec. "What's up?"

Alec shrugged.

"Is it Magnus?"

Alec didn't say anything. Isabelle looked into his eyes, wondering if it was wroth if to try and drag something out of him.

"I've been told it didn't go well." Alec stood up straight. He didn't look much different, but the energy around him seemed to grow stronger. He was angry.

"Why did you bring him here?" Alec demanded. "You knew I was here and you still brought him. You give me no warning whatsoever-"

"What was I supposed to do?" she asked him, keeping her tone soft so as not to anger him further. "Alec, until a few weeks ago, I didn't even remember you were here."

There. She'd said it. She'd told him of her terrible mistake. It had been blurted out, but she knew she had to deal with the consequences at some point. Isabelle carefully took in his face. He didn't look angry, just surprised. He blinked a couple times.

"You still could have mentioned it before you showed up," he mumbled. He took a deep breath and then looked her in the eye. "I really think you should've said something. For all you knew, I might have had a heart attack when I saw him again."

"You have always had the shock tolerance of an eighty year-old man." She looked up at him, grinning though she had no reason to feel happy. "I suppose we were lucky."

Alec rolled his eyes. At that moment, the toast popped up. Alec turned and pulled the pieces out of the toaster. He suddenly grinned and turned to Isabelle.

"Do you want to try some Vegemite?" Isabelle blinked.

"Vegemite."

"It's a spread."

Silence. He reached over to one of the spice cabinets and grabbed a jar. Isabelle carefully considered the jar filled with dark brown "spread".

"It's brown," she pointed out needlessly.

"Well," said Alec. "Jace would approve." She chuckled at that and waved her hand, indicating he could go on. He smiled a turned to put the spread on the toast. While he did so, Isabelle wondered what was going on in his head.

Did he not care that she had forgotten him? She had spent weeks panicking over what he would say, terrified that he would hate her. What kind of sibling forgot where the other was? Alec was in Australia, that was all she ever had to know, and she'd forgotten. Not only that, but she almost hadn't been able to remember when the need was most dire. She'd had to warn Alec about this warlock coming to attack him, and she hadn't known where he was. There was something very wrong about it all.

"Here," Alec said handing her a piece of toast. She examined it, taking in the dark spread that covered it. It didn't exactly look that appetizing. She looked up to him, only to see him take a bite of his own piece of toast. He saw her watching and showed her how his was also covered with Vegemite. So she took a bite.

It took three seconds for her to gag on it. She spat out the piece she'd bitten and threw the toast on the table. What the *!

She hurried over to the cabinets to find a glass. As soon as she did so, she poured herself a glass of water. All the while, Alec was laughing his ass off. She glared at her brother. Okay, so maybe he was mad at her for forgetting him.

"What the hell?" He just laughed harder. She scowled at him, picking up the offending piece of toast and throwing it at him. It only made him laugh harder. Isabelle now had a frown etched into her face, and a horrible taste on her tongue. She almost felt sick. "Alec! What was that?"

"Vegemite," he said in between laughs. She rolled her eyes and poured herself another glass of water. Oh, God… that was disgusting. She let her frown fall upon the vile jar of… EW. She'd taken another three glasses of water – still not managing to get the taste out of her mouth – when Alec managed to catch his breath.

"That was just cruel."

"That's kind of what I thought when Aaron first offered some to me," he said. "It's an acquired taste."

"No kidding." The humor was soon leaving the room, and once again, it left just the two of them. Alec was no longer trying to catch is breath, the smile had completely left his face. She studied his face, watching for any quality that didn't belong, when she said, "I'm sorry."

He looked up at her, confused. "Why? I'm the one who made you try the Vegemite."

"It's not the Vegemite," she sighed, sitting down. She looked into his eyes, trying to make her apology sound sincere. "I'm completely forgot about you, and that was so wrong. You haven't got any idea how bad it feels knowing how I couldn't even call you to tell you that you were in danger. It was honestly frightening, knowing that I could forget about you like that. What kind of sibling does that?"

"The busy kind?"

"Shut up, Alec. I'm trying to sound serious here." She ran her fingers through her hair. "I was such a horrible sister." Alec looked as though he meant to say something, but she shook her head. "I completely understand it if you're mad at me."

At that, Alec shook his head. "I'm not mad at you." The way he said it made Isabelle think that he really meant it. "Look, I can easily say that, when you're busy with, you know, life, you don't tend to think of the past too much. You're not on my mind every second of the day, Izzy." She widened her eyes, jokingly, and he chuckled.

"I just felt so guilty-"

"Don't," he said. "You don't have to hurt yourself for having a life outside of your family." She let out a long breath she hadn't known she'd been holding in. A great weight seemed to be slowly lifting from her shoulders.

"Are you sure? I'd be furious if I were you. I mean, I forgot about you."

"I made you try Vegemite." She considered before speaking again.

"I guess we're even." He laughed at that, and again when she told him to hurry up with the eggs. "And don't put any Vegemite in it." She could see his shoulders shaking. Last time his shoulders had been shaking, it had been from tears.

Alec was so weird. Isabelle didn't quite understand how he'd gone from this miserable, angst-ridden teenager to this admittedly attractive and light-hearted man. His previous attitude, lack of confidence, and overall personality had rolled together into a person that, while still predictable, was an enigma in Isabelle's confident eyes. Now, he seemed to have become the kind of guy she would meet on the street, likeable and absolutely charming. Only now, he wasn't as predictable, because he was still, well, Alec. He was weird. Yup. That summed it up about right.

Weirdness finished up with the eggs and dished them out. The two of them sat facing each other, eating eggs. Okay, Isabelle admitted, his cooking had gotten better too. But she had another topic to approach. And she felt much more at home with this next topic.

"So," she said. "All jokes aside, and I mean this in a kind, sisterly way… what is going on with you and Carlos?"

He scowled. "Do you do that on purpose? Or do you actually not know his name?"

"Pick one." He scowled deeper. Oh, yes, this was familiar ground for Isabelle.

"Okay," he started, after a minute of thought. "Miguel and I sort of… I don't know what to call it."

"Hooked up?" she offered. He sort of flinched at the wording, but nodded anyways.

"We hooked up a couple years ago. I didn't think much of it, because we were so wasted at the time."

"Scandal," she muttered. "Alec got wasted. Okay!" she added when he gave her a look.

"I didn't think much of it, but Miguel did. See, he's a cool guy, and I really like having him as a friend. He practically became my parabatai, because Jace isn't here. But… he sort of… loves me." He looked up at her.

She blinked. "Jose loves you?"

"Yes." She considered him, looking closely. Finally she decided.

"Did you hit your head on the headboard?"

"Izzy."

"What? Those Spaniards can be rough, I hear."

"Yes, Isabelle," he said, sarcasm heavy in his voice. "He hit my head on the headboard just for fun. We also do BDSM, just because the agony is so much fun."

"Huh," she said. "It only took you twenty-four years-"

"Izzy," he moaned. "I thought you said you weren't going to joke about this." She sighed dramatically.

"Fine," she said exasperatedly, indicating with her hand that he could continue.

"Yes, Izzy," he said firmly. "He loves me. He's told me-God knows how many times. And I just can't bring myself to feel anything. He's really great, and he's so good to me. I just… can never bring myself to feel anything in return."

Isabelle nodded.

"Nice poker face, by the way," he added. "You almost look like you care."

"Thanks, I practice in the mirror," she said in a dry tone. She was careful to actually look sympathetic here. "Well, why do you think you don't like him? How about this, what are the cons to being with him?"

"He's annoying," Alec pitched in immediately. "He tends to go overboard with things. He likes to drink. A lot. He talks a lot. And whenever he does, it's feels like he's reading the words off of a soap opera script. And…" he paused, considering the look on her face. "Should I go on?"

"No, we haven't got all year," she decided. "What are some of the benefits?"

"Um," Alec thought. Isabelle almost laughed at how he had to consider this. "He's a good fighter," was Alec's final decision. "He's okay to talk to, most of the time, actually when he's drunk." He grinned slightly. "_Es bueno en la cama_."

Isabelle opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it. Some things were much better left unsaid. "So, other than the obvious, there are no real benefits."

Alec frowned. "I feel guilty though, thinking like that."

"Oh well. If you don't love him, kick him out of the bed. The only way this relationship could work is if the two of you spend the rest of your lives in between the sheets," she said firmly. Alec grimaced.

"I wouldn't… call it… a relationship."

"Then ditch him," Isabelle stated, finishing off the last of her eggs. "If you're ever in doubt again, remember: nothing less than seven inches."

"He doesn't wear heels, Izzy."

"I figured."

Alec cleared their plates, while Isabelle looked over the papers still lying on the table. She wasn't actually reading them. She was enjoying the moment of happiness. She and Alec were having a nice, sibling type of moment. Their first in over five years. And it went great.

"Alec," she said, no trace of humor in her tone. "If you're not going to do anything with Andreas… what are you going to do about Magnus?"

She let it hang in the air above them, taunting them. The silence seemed to stretch on forever, but Alec broke it after a long pause.

"Nothing. If I have my way, nothing is going to happen between us ever again." He said it with force, but Isabelle could tell that it was a bluff. He had no clue what he was going to do about Magnus.

"When have you ever gotten your way?" she asked quietly, but Alec was spared having to answer it by Jace and Clary, who walked in as Isabelle said that.

"G'day mates," said Jace, in a mock Australian accent that made Alec wince. "What've we got to eat?"

The Lightwood siblings looked each other straight in the eyes. Black eyes and blue eyes met and sparkled with mischief.

"Do you want to try some Vegemite, Jace?"

"It's really good. You'll love it."

AN: Hee hee. I don't have a meh for this chapter. I'm sorry that not much happens, but I like how the Lightwood conversation turned out. I made it much longer than intended, but I don't regret it. I had fun writing this one.

I have to say, sorry if you actually like Vegemite. I've tried it, and I just don't have that "acquired taste". I'm also sorry about the Spanish. I speak a bit of French. Absolutely no Spanish. Please tell me if it's wrong.

Aussi, I have a HUGE thing to discuss with you all. I need some Spanish names. Seriously, I'm running low, and Izzy is never going to call him Miguel. PLEASE! I would LOVE to get some ideas from you all.

Thanks for reading. I hoped you enjoyed it.

PS: Every name earns you a virtual cookie.

PSS: If anyone here is from Sydney, Australia, please tell me what your city is like. I can only get so much information, and I would love to know more about this place. It sounds absolutely amazing, so tell me whatever you can.


	7. Votre erreurs

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 6: Votre erreurs

Watching the city go past, Alec was tempted to fall asleep. For someone who spent nearly all of his time hiding in an abandoned church, Aaron had a surprisingly comfy car. The seats were made of some sort of soft material, and Alec half wanted to curl up in the shotgun seat and fall asleep. He probably would have done so if not for the bow digging into his shoulder blade, the stele and seraph blade on his hip, and the talking shadowhunters in the backseat. Not to mention Aaron had a soft spot for loud punk music.

There were lots of things that didn't quite make sense about the shadowhunter who was driving them through the streets of Sydney. Alec hadn't met anyone quite like him, but if he had to compare him to someone in his old life, it would have been Hodge. Aaron had that same sort of reassuring quality, and he was very intelligent. There weren't many similarities after that, though. Aaron loved reading, but half the time he didn't have the patience for it. He wouldn't be able to live cooped up like Hodge had for so many years. He would probably have killed himself after a couple months.

Aaron had done a lot in his lifetime, and Alec only knew about a bit of it. All he knew for sure was that, in Aaron's eyes, there was the sort of calm, collected, analytical yet wise person that took years to develop. They were much too ancient for his face and age of thirty-nine. And, taking his age into account, Alec had to admit that there were few people who grew as Aaron did. People were like wines, he'd once told Alec, they can get better or worse as they age. Well, Aaron had certainly become good with age, even Alec could tell. Alec valued his opinion quite highly.

He looked out the window again, watching people walking down the sidewalks. He watched as they passed a grocery store, and grinned. Unlike Isabelle, Jace had eaten the Vegemite. Alec could tell he hated it, but he refused to spit it out as Isabelle had. The look on his face was priceless though. Alec imagined he'd thought it was sort of like Nutella. It was almost enough to feel sorry for Jace. Almost.

"Are we there yet?" Jace's voice said from the back. Alec sent a scowl back at him.

"What do you think, Jace?" Alec didn't hear the retort that Jace muttered, but he saw Clary elbow him afterwards, and Alec decided it would be best to ignore them.

After he had bravely taken on the Vegemite, Jace had informed them that Magnus had already spoken to his friends, all of whom either had no idea where Celior was, or, in one case, who he was. That left them at least seven warlocks to question the hard way. The first one lived in Chinatown, so they were slowly driving there. Alec recalled how Miguel had wanted to come with them, but Ziyi had insisted that he stay and help her with the shadowhunters tracking system. While the group of six, Alec, Aaron, Jace, Clary, Isabelle, and Magnus, traveled to actually meet the warlocks, they still maintained a constant lookout for Celior.

Alec watched as the shops on the streets changed from the small shops, boutiques, and various other New Age shops in Glebe to the bright colours of Chinatown.

"We turn here?" Aaron asked him. Alec looked down at the map before him and confirmed it. Aaron turned the last street and quickly parked the car. As the group got, out, the three back passengers took in the street around them.

It wasn't as busy as Alec had seen it many times at night, but there were still a fair amount of people bustling through the streets. The buildings surrounding them were tall, but so much as to be intimidating. With the lingering smells of various Asian cuisines in the air, vibrant signs written in differing dialects, and familiar, curving architecture, Alec suddenly realized how much this place reminded him of New York. It wasn't so much that it looked the same. This looked much neater than Chinatown in New York, actually. No, it was the little things that caught his eye. Various characters stood out to him, as some of the signs were written in Cantonese, and Alec wondered if any of the signs back home were also written in Cantonese.

"It's different," Isabelle decided. Alec raised an eyebrow, causing her to shrug. "It just feels a lot different from the one in New York."

"So," said Jace, who didn't seem that interested by the streets around him. "Where's Magnus?" For Magnus had not actually come with them. He'd called in his information, along with the residence of the first warlock they should try and a promise to meet them there.

"I'm not sure," Aaron admitted. "We'll have to wait-" but stopped as soon as the jet black Exelero pulled up to the curb. Aaron blinked a few times in surprise. Alec couldn't help himself from smirking wryly. Well, at least it wasn't the Phantom.

Magnus stepped out in a long grey trench coat. The entire coat was dusted with glitter and the shoulders were covered with silver spikes. The shirt he wore was black, with very small pink stripes, and it was worn with metallic silver leather pants. It could have been worse, Alec thought.

"You're late," Jace said to Magnus when he walked up to the group.

"Don't be ridiculous," said Magnus, his voice a little brighter than it had been the first day. "You're all just very early."

He led them over to one of the buildings on the left side. Initially, all Alec saw was the restaurant, including the Chinese woman trying to get them to come in, but then he noticed it. It was a small door, the kind that led up to an apartment space above shops or restaurants. The shadowhunters all exchanged uncertain looks, but Magnus stepped right up to the door.

"He knows we're coming. No point dawdling," Magnus drawled, sounding a little annoyed at their slow pace.

Alec was getting a little annoyed at Magnus. He was trying to forget about last night, and so far, it was working. Alec had already known that he would be seeing Magnus a lot lately, so he'd just have to suck it up and pretend that nothing was wrong. He could treat Magnus like a total stranger if the need be.

The group hurried through he door and up a small staircase. It was such a cramped space, they had to go up one at a time. Magnus reached the door at the top first, and he looked back at his companions.

"Shall we?"

Aaron was the one to nod and say, "We shall."

So Magnus rang the doorbell. Absolutely no noise could be heard from behind the door, which made Alec wonder if this warlock was even home. From what he could see, the door at the top suddenly opened, seemingly of it's own accord. He heard muttering, and then the line moved forward. They all walked up and through the front door.

The warlock was there, holding the door open. He looked a bit like a dwarf in Alec's opinion. He was very short (he probably was under five feet tall) and he had long frizzy hair that looked as though it once was the colour of amber, but had begun to fade over time. Alec found it easy not to stare, as he'd seen too man odd things in his lifetime. Instead, Alec looked around the apartment they were now in. It had the look of an abandoned project, as if someone had intended to paint all of the walls, but only finished one and half; as if someone had meant to get those rips in the sofa repaired, no, to get new sofas, but the thought had slipped their minds; as if all the furniture in the room, varying from countless styles, could have been tied together to create a sort of theme. No, it was quite a mess. And that wasn't just the large amount of books, coats, talismans, and other bizarre objects strewn all over the place.

"Deimus," said Magnus. "We're glad you could speak with us so soon." Everyone found a place to settle, and took the time to consider this dw- warlock.

"No problem," the man muttered in nasally voice. "No problem at all."

Magnus turned to the shadowhunters. "Nephilim, this is Deimus de Neige." They all nodded

"What was this business you wished to discuss?" Alec felt a strong urge to laugh as the tiny man regarded them all with tiny eyes. Add in the voice and the hair, the man looked like a large, elderly chipmunk. However, knowing that this was a warlock with very strong magical powers and not a chipmunk kept Alec from laughing. Magnus turned to Aaron, who briefly explained the issue with Celior.

As soon as Aaron was finished, Deimus tut-ed. "Not good, not good. Oh, Demetri…"

"You knew this man?" asked Isabelle.

"Knew him?" said Deimus. "He and I were good friends once. Won the bowling tournament with him. Look," he said, pointing passed Alec and Jace to a large trophy. Alec considered the golden figurine on top that appeared to be swinging a golf club.

"Mr. de Neige," said Clary. "Did Celior ever have a grudge against the Clave?"

"Caves? No, never been north-"

"Not caves," Isabelle said with some force. "The Clave. You know, shadowhunters, Nephilim." She pulled back her right sleeve to show him the faded runes on her arm. At that, Deimus gave her an exasperated look.

"I know what the Clave is," he said as picked a coat up off of the floor and placed it in an open space on the nearest bookshelf as though it was a book. "Demetri was never interested in the affairs of Raziel's children."

"You never noticed him getting sulky or frustrated whenever the Accords came around?" asked Jace.

"He never cared for accordions," Deimus muttered. Magnus shot Jace a look that basically confirmed that the man meant "no".

"If you don't mind me asking," started Magnus "How did you find Demetri?"

"Oh, he found me," Deimus explained. "Met him… few centuries ago. Nice boy, nice boy. I believe he was searching for something… oh, what was it?" The man tapped his chin thoughtfully before snapping his fingers. "Yes, I remember. He was looking for the Key."

They all stared at him.

"What key?" asked Clary.

"The Key! The Key!" he looked around at them, as though he hoped one of them would catch on. "The Weapon? Surely you've heard of it. Satan's Key?" As he said it, Magnus seemed to catch on.

"I do believe I have heard of that." And Deimus smiled.

"Good, good. Demetri would have been pleased. Always looking for more believers, you know. It meant so much to him." Deimus smiled fondly. "He'd always tell me how he was getting closer. Closer to finding it."

"Do you know where Demetri is now?" asked Aaron.

Deimus thought about it before saying, "I've no idea. Last I heard he was… somewhere in Africa." And Alec heard Jace sigh beside him. He knew that there wasn't much more they could get from this man, especially considering that he now held a sort of ear trumpet in his hands and was stroking it like a kitten. Alec swore he could hear the man purr when he wasn't speaking.

"Thank you for telling this to us," said Aaron. "Please tell us if you hear anything else."

"Of course!" shouted Deimus. He pulled off his shoe and pressed it against his heart. "I swear on Natas' cage."

"Who's Natas?" muttered Clary. Alec could tell she didn't mean to ask him, but, out of all the things they'd said, this was the one the man would hear. He launched into a story about what a close, personal friend Natas was as Aaron was trying to get him to stop so they could leave.

As Alec stood, ready to leave as well, he saw Jace examining the… sport trophy behind him. Alec hissed at him, "Don't touch that!"

It was pointless. Jace reached out to poke the figurine on top, and the trophy tipped. Alec barely managed to catch it before it hit the ground. He turned back to see that Aaron was still trying to convince Deimus to stop talking. He placed the trophy up again, glaring at a grinning Jace.

They all moved quickly to get out of the apartment. Alec was quite grateful when he was back out on the street.

"Well that was a waste," said Jace. Magnus shook his head.

"This was probably the best tip we've gotten so far," Magnus said, and Aaron raised an eyebrow.

"Is this about that key he was talking about?" asked Aaron, to whom Magnus nodded.

"I'm sure you all know about Satan," he said as he looked around at the group (Alec carefully looking at the ground). "Well, there's always been plenty of satanic legends among warlocks. Some say he's actually a very powerful demon. Some say there isn't an actual Satan; rather that it's a state of mind. The legend about Satan's key is definitely one of the most popular though.

"Supposedly, Satan's locked away in Hell with no way out and not much to do. I suppose you could think of it as a cage. That's what he meant by "Natas' cage". Natas is Satan spelled backwards. According to this legend, Satan only actually tempts people when they are of use to him. He spends all of his time searching for the key to his cage via the eyes of devoted servants."

"What's so important about this key?" asked Aaron, and Magnus chuckled.

"This key is supposed to be the only means of freeing Satan from his prison. Of course he'd want it, so he's always looking for it. The legend varies, but supposedly the key enables Satan to escape. And once he's out- well, I'm sure you all know about the dreaded Apocalypse. The reason Deimus referred to it as a weapon as well is because this key is supposed to be his method of gaining his worshipers."

"So now it's religious?" asked Jace. Magnus nodded.

"There've always been people who've looked into this business. Plenty of people have actually gone searching for this key, though it's never very specific as to what the key even is."

"So we know from Deimus that Celior believed in this legend," said Clary. "Do you know where that search might take him?"

"Now that," said Magnus. "Is a good question."

The group decided to split up after that. It was getting kind of late for Isabelle, Jace, and Clary, all of whom were starting to show signs of exhaustion. Aaron and Magnus, who didn't seem to be effected by time zones, were going to see another one of the warlocks to see if there was anymore information they could find on Celior's whereabouts. The other four would head back to the Institute.

"Maybe we could have dinner first," suggested Clary.

"Lunch, actually," said Alec, who looked at his watch to see that it was almost eleven thirty.

"Sounds good," decided Isabelle, who was looking around the street, gazing at some of the Chinese restaurants. Alec considered the place around them, then thought of a good place to go.

"Come on, I know a really good place," he told them, and they began to walk along the streets. It was actually rather odd for Alec. He'd grown used to walking these streets, most of the time with Haal, and it was odd suddenly having his family and friends with him now.

The streets of Chinatown and Haymarket had become very familiar to Alec by now. It was often the meeting place for him and Haal, as they lived on opposite sides of the city. Alec took in the streets around him. If he tried hard, he could easily attach many memories to this place. He could easily say that they'd been to that restaurant there, regretted going to that one over there, and the shop on Dixon street that was owned by a very loud Spanish man who'd screamed at Alec once for… well, Alec still didn't really know what he'd done. One of the better memories was when he and Haal had looked at another shop on Dixon, this one Asian. Yes, it had been one of those odd little gift shops, but even Alec had to admit that the little necklaces they'd sold in there were, for lack of a better word, pretty.

Alec still wore it to this day. The style was similar to that of a rosary, long with a small string at the end. The beads were a mix of black, jade, and carnelian, though the largest bead at the end wasn't a cross. Made out of silver, the pendant on the end of the chain was simply the Mandarin character for hope. It had been four years, but there was no way Alec would stop wearing it now. There was something oddly calming about the constant feel of the beads against his skin.

Alec chose to remain fairly quiet as they walked down the streets. The other three were talking quite a lot, only asking Alec about certain buildings every now and then.

"So where are you taking us?" Isabelle asked a few minutes later. Alec pointed down to the end of the street.

"It's, um, a Malaysian restaurant. Mamak. The line will probably be long, but I think you guys would like it."

"So you like Malaysian food now?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"This place is only for special occasions. Again, the queue-"

"Alec," she interrupted. "I have no idea what you've been doing for five years. I think you should at least tell us about life here."

"I did."

"We all figured it was different. Jace has probably been keeping an eye on the toilets to make sure the water doesn't spin in different directions." Alec smirked and rolled his eyes.

"You know it doesn't."

"Tell Jace that."

Alec grinned, suddenly feeling much lighter.

"Come on, Alec," Isabelle said. "Five whole years! You have to tell me something. Have you seen a kangaroo? Do you still eat Asian? Do you still keep a ruler by your bedside table?"

"IZZY!"

"Kidding, kidding." She looked around at some of the shops as though she was considering going in, then said, "What about Antonio?"

Alec glared at her. She shrugged her shoulders. "Well, you know I haven't changed."

"No kidding," he said, bitterly, yes, but he was internally grateful that she hadn't. "Well, neither has much else. We hunt demons. We train with each other. We eat our weight Chinese food every other night."

"We were never that bad, Alec," said Isabelle, though Alec could see her grinning. "But it's not the food I want to know about." She looked expectantly at him.

"Weather?"

"You know what I'm talking about," she said, determined. "I'm talking about Guillermo."

"That's a name?"

"Alec, please tell me." She seemed truly sincere, but it was Isabelle.

"I already told you everything worth knowing."

"Not everything!" she insisted. "How long have you been together? What exactly happened when you hooked up?"

"I told you already," Alec said, feeling a little flustered. He definitely did not want his sister knowing about what went on with Miguel. "Miguel and I are not a couple."

He said it firmly, and by the time he was saying it, they were already at the end of the line to get into the restaurant. They were lucky this time; if they'd come any later, they'd have been waiting for hours. Izzy seemed determined tog et every detail out of Alec, and she was ready to keep going. But as she opened her mouth to continue, someone else beat her to it.

"Alec!" called the last voice Alec needed to hear right now. He turned to see Haal walking down the street.

_Perfect. Just perfect, _Alec thought. _Alec Lightwood, you have the worst luck in the world._ Though he didn't show any of his misgivings. Instead, he smiled and waved. Haal came over to them and Alec knew that he must look very mundane. It never bothered Alec, but Haal's style was the embodiment of the word. Alec carefully stepped away from his family to give Haal a quick kiss.

"What are you doing all the way down here?" Alec asked, careful to keep his voice light.

"I was just visiting a colleague," he said, obviously cheered by the happiness he was sensing from Alec. "What about you?" As he asked, he noticed the three people standing behind him. Alec was almost afraid to turn, but he did.

"Haal, this is my sister Isabelle, my brother Jace, and his girlfriend Clary – oh, no, his fiancée. Guys," Alec said nervously, "this is my boyfriend, Haal." They were all very nice about it. They nodded, and Isabelle was kind enough to shake hands with him.

"It's great to meet you all," Haal said in a very polite voice; he pulled it out whenever he met someone new. Again, it was very "Haal".

"You too," offered Isabelle. Alec was then spared having to continue when the man in line behind them told them to move forward.

"Um… I'll see you later?" Alec said.

"Course," Haal said, kissing him again, on the cheek this time. He said goodbye to the others, very politely, and was off. As soon as he could, Alec hurried inside. He didn't bother to look back at the other three, though he could feel them staring at his back. There was no exchange of words as they came in and sat down. Alec could practically hear them judging him. Of course they knew, anybody could put together the pieces. Alec reckoned the only reason they weren't speaking was because this – using two guys – was so not like Alec. If only they knew…

"You're not seeing Santiago," said Isabelle.

"No."

-Break-

Alec walked along the halls of the Institute, thinking about Haal, Miguel, and his family. His mind was sketching out a bright colourful picture, one that was filled with the bright red of shame, the grays of regret, the deep blue of misery, and the deep green of self loathing. The colours seemed to form odd splattered shapes that seemed to ask Alec every question of doubt he'd ever asked himself; it was the kind that usually plagued him before he did something stupid: Do you really want to attack that demon? Should you really sleep with Miguel? Is it smart to pretend like you like Haal? Added into the bright mess were all the intricate patterns of what ifs: What if he'd been straight with Miguel or Haal? What if his family hadn't shown up here? What if he never left New York?

In the end, it made for a very messy internal picture and a very confused Alec.

Confused Alec walked into the kitchen, not noticing for a moment the glittery warlock sitting at the table. Alec had already pulled his jug of milk out of the fridge when he took in the fact that the warlock in question was sitting barely five meters away from him. And. Staring. At. Him.

The very thought of Magnus set his mind into motion again, creating another image of equal complexity and colour. In fact, this picture seemed even more detailed, filled with every emotion Alec had ever felt about Magnus; hurt, pain, regret, longing, love, desire, lust, anxiousness, uncertainty, confusion, guilt, and too many others that didn't even have names.

Alec could just remember those six months they had been together. After the whole fiasco with Jace, Alec decided he was ready to be in love. And it worked. They spent so many nights together. Once upon a time, Magnus had been the only person Alec ever wanted to be close to. Of course he had been Alec's first time, and he had been so gentle and sweet with Alec that night. It filled Alec with feelings so strong and deep it almost overcame him; he never wanted to let go of Magnus.

Alec took a deep breath, wishing more than anything that Magnus would STOP LOOKING AT HIM!

"Alec?" he heard from behind him. Alec took a deep breath before turning.

He had never been needy. There'd never been a time when Alec clung onto him like a child, though that wasn't saying that the opposite was true. He didn't push Magnus away like he had in the first few weeks. He welcomed Magnus whenever he could, whenever it was acceptable. And Magnus had always accepted it. For all the trouble Alec had caused when he was still in the closet, they made a very even couple. They balanced each other out perfectly, Alec had thought.

"What?" Alec asked quietly. There was a small bit of nerve left in him, so he looked up at Magnus as he said it.

That had been the first half of the relationship, the happy one. The second half, well, it was a little harder to label this one. Everything happened so quickly. It had started slowly, yes, but it still came too soon. In the beginning of it, Magnus began to put less effort into their relationship. Yes, he still kissed Alec, but it was shorter, and Magnus pulled away with the same carefree expression he'd had before. Nothing about Alec seemed to faze him. Magnus started to forget to call. Oftentimes Alec was the one to initiate contact, asking Magnus out on dates, pulling him to bed afterwards.

"I want to look into these legends. Maybe if we can find out what Celior is looking for, we'll find him."

Alec nodded slowly. "What do you need me to do?"

Alec had been more than willing to dismiss the little things that were off about Magnus. He _was_ happy to see Alec, he was just too tired to throw himself into it completely. And Magnus had surely meant to call Alec, but he'd been too busy with work to do so. That was how Alec kept himself happy and sane for the most part. He allowed himself to believe that Magnus was still as in love as he was. Love… it was so confusing. Alec had often wondered, if Magnus really loves me, why doesn't he show it like he used to? Was Alec boring him? Magnus had been alive for eight hundred years after all. Maybe he just didn't want Alec around. Whenever he thought like this, Alec felt nauseous and dizzy and he didn't want to think like this. Magnus loved him. He did.

"I picked out a few things," Magnus said, gesturing through a stack of books resting on the table. He reached out and plucked a couple out. "Just look through them. There has to be something. I've become all too acquainted with this cult in the past; I know there's something about _where._"

Alec nodded and took the books.

It happened so quickly. Maybe if Alec had accepted the changes around him, he would have noticed it, like a ball rolling down a hill, slowly gaining momentum. But Alec wanted to feel happy and good, so he let himself believe that nothing was wrong. In hindsight, it was really stupid to go along with it. Ignorance really was bliss, but it gave Alec no preparation. Instead of the watching the ball slowly gaining momentum, Alec was forced to watch it drop out of the sky without so much as a warning.

Magnus stopped calling. He barely spoke to Alec when they were on the phone, or in person. Whenever they were in public, Magnus seemed to pay no attention to him, as though he was trying to make it seem like he wasn't with that whiny little Goth kid. There had been a few times when Alec had gone over to Magnus' place, hoping to get some time alone with him, only to find one of Magnus' signature parties in full swing (All that had been missing from the chaos was the police raid.). Too many times, Alec had arranged a date, only to spend about an hour waiting for Magus to show, and only the next day was there a slight chance Magnus would call telling him that something important had come up. Once and only once, someone else had been the reason that was more important than Alec.

"You really think there's going to be something in here that will help us find him?" Alec asked. Magnus shrugged.

"I really don't know. I'm not expecting to find a neat little treasure map where "X" marks the spot- or, key. But I'd keep an eye out for those cryptic messages these old writers were so fond of."

The ball in question, the one that was falling from the sky, hit rock bottom all too quickly. Alec had been going over to get answers out of Magnus. He wasn't going to take any of this anymore. Alec knew then that he would probably never stop loving Magnus, and that he wouldn't give up on them without a fight. Well, that had been half-right. When Magnus had told him that day that it was over, Alec had been crushed. He'd glanced down at the floor as he left, wondering if bits and pieces of his destroyed self were lying around anywhere. There hadn't been, he'd been in one piece. But he left without a fight. He'd accepted his fate all too easily. Magnus didn't want him anymore. That was pretty much all he'd said. He didn't even care enough to make it easy for him. Or, perhaps he did, which was why he'd made it quick and easy (and supposedly painless). Of course it hadn't been painless. It had torn Alec apart. Trapped inside his own hurt-filled mind, Alec's blood was emotionally spilled everywhere. Over there, that was his stomach and beside it, his kidney. His muscles had been shredded into tiny pieces and thrown all over. His brain, frozen and numb, was over there, still covered in blood. And that, in the corner, was his heart, split into two distinct pieces, and still covered in tiny flecks of glitter.

Stop.

Stop.

Alec closed his eyes. He didn't want the memories to flow any further. He didn't want to relive the memory of their breakup _for the hundredth time._ It was the past. Why should it matter anymore?

Trying to keep that thought in his mind, Alec opened the first book. He started to read a few lines, but his view of the book was suddenly obscured by a torn piece of notebook paper. Alec looked at it, noticing the writing on it. He read it.

_I understand that you don't want to talk about us. So how about we write about it?_

Alec scowled. He looked up at Magnus, who was still looking at him. The warlock shrugged. Alec quickly wrote:

_Passing notes? What are you, eight?_

_Hundred,_ was the reply Alec got.

Alec's scowl deepened. It wasn't fair of Magnus to do this while Alec had so much on his mind. He couldn't talk (OR WRITE) about it, and between his boys and his family, Alec didn't have the heart or the energy to care about this. Or to resist it. Magnus had made Alec wait and hope and pray that he could still keep things the way they were. Well, now it was Magnus' turn to try and convince Alec to care about them. And, if Alec was strong enough, he would get as much as Alec once had.

Alec looked up to see Magnus looking at him expectantly, and Alec glared back at him, crunching the piece of paper up in his right hand.

AN: Whoa. That was long. Over five thousand frickin' words. I'm exhausted. But not done, so here goes. I'm sorry about the ridiculous length. I love long stories, but this is a lot, even for my liking. I just had so much I wanted to say. I've planned this part out thinking, _this, this, and this has to happen. Finish it in this chapter._ I'm thrilled I actually finished it. I'm really sorry about the wait as well. About the first part, I couldn't help but make the guy weird. Though I have to admit, the weirdness didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. Also – hey! Did anyone see that? Was that… a plot? I… wait… no, it must have been my imagination. ;) There really isn't any legend about "Satan's cage", but there is a lot about what he's gonna do when he gets out. So, I'm gonna say there is.

I hope I cleared everything up as to what happened beforehand. I got a few comments about that, so I realized I'd have to bring it up. Just remember it people, it will eventually be important information. Now I've got some little details I want to put here. For anything that you haven't seen before, Lord Google shall be your saviour.

a) In this chapter, Magnus drives a Mercedes Maybach Exelero. It's a luxury car (the Mercedes might've tipped you off) and I think that it might be good enough for Magnus. Of course he needs a cool car, but I wasn't about to give him a pink Punchbuggy (I think Barbie has one). I wanted to give him a different sort of "flashy" car.

b) He also has a Rolls Royce Phantom. It's another uber fancy luxury car (that Magnus owns. Of course.) . Costs around $400 000; I believe Simon Cowell has one.

c)A rosary is a string of beads often used for praying. As far as I know, it's used in the Christian faith. But I have to say, the necklace Alec has isn't a rosary, it's just similar to that style of beading. Let's just say Alec's views on religion are similar to Jace's.

d) In this chapter, Alec describes the necklace that Haal gave to him as having the Chinese character for hope on the end. I should say that there are a lot of different characters that would work here, but they one I'm going for is 愿. The pinyin is "yuan" and it uses the fourth tone. I know I said Alec speaks Cantonese, but the thing is, I speak Mandarin. They're two different dialects, but Mandarin is a bit more official.

e) As for the gems on the necklace, jade is a light green stone and carnelian is sort of an orange colour. I have an unused Deviant art account, so I may just put up a picture of this necklace for you guys. It doesn't actually exist. I think. So I can draw a picture if you want. I've been told I can draw really well, so it'll be pretty good.

So there. I'm sorry if you guys already knew all that, but I just felt the need to say it. I don't want to sound totally weird when I say that I really want Magnus' car. If you really liked this chapter, tell me if you want Magnus' cars. Or if you want something else… hmm. Never written a lemon before. I wonder…

I should also say, I tried Perrier for the first time today, but I didn't know it was just water. It tasted terrible, so I threw in Crystal Light. It tasted okay, almost like wine, but I'm still not sure if that was safe. If I don't update this story again, it is because I died a slow, painful death of bubbly water and powdery sugar. I am completely serious (I almost wrote "I am dead serious.").

Thanks for reading my ranting. Please review! Hint: Reviews may give me inspiration to write something hot further on. Just saying.

Thanks for reading!

Thinking: Would they review if I started up a contest? Reviewers get the chance to win one of Magnus' cars? *sees people staring* I was kidding! It's mine...


	8. Pardonner et oublier

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 7: Pardonner et oublier

"Why are you so determined for us to get back together?" Alec asked, desperately trying to let his own confidence show. It would be incredibly easier to do if he had some.

"I told you, Alec," Magnus said slowly. "I've missed you so much, and I regretted hurting you. I really didn't know what losing you was going to feel like, and I can't count how many times I wish I had you back." He looked Alec straight in the eye. "I've never felt this way in my entire life. And it's been long."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Who else have you used that excuse for?"

"It's not an excuse, Alec," said Magnus. "It's the honest truth. I've wanted to tell you that for so long-"

"I'm sure you have." Alec didn't need this crap on his mind. "You've obviously been in so much pain since _you left me._"

"I made a mistake, albeit a huge one. I know you're mad at me; you have every right to hate me. I want to try and fix this." He reached out to touch Alec's hand, but Alec drew it back. "Don't you? For these past few years, I've been living with regret."

"I don't need anything from you," Alec told him quietly. "I've been living quite fine these past few years."

Magnus snorted. "I know; Isabelle told me. Apparently you guys ran into a bit of a hailstorm on your way to lunch," he said, making Alec wince at the pun.

"I don't see why everyone's so interested in the weather," Alec mumbled.

"Alec," Magnus said exasperatedly. "Really? Dating two guys at once, one of them a mundane? Are you sure you weren't hurt after we-"

"Yes, I'm sure!" Alec half shouted at him, suddenly filled with a desire to slap Magnus. "I changed, okay? People will do that as the years pass! Not everything I do is in relation to how I may or may not feel about you."

He couldn't handle Magnus judging him; Magnus had no right to do so. He couldn't let it bother him. He'd already dealt with Isabelle, Jace, and Clary asking him questions, and they had as soon as reality set in. It wasn't any easier to try and explain to them what the hell had been going on for the past five years. He wished more than anything that he could turn back the clock and undo the decisions he'd made. Alec wished more than anything that he could've been honest with Haal, and that he could've just rebuked Miguel from the beginning. In a way, he'd been doing the same thing as Magnus; regret had become a part of his life.

Magnus was clearly making an effort to stay calm. "You know something, Alec?" He received only a glare in return. "If I was anyone else, I wouldn't be able to recognize you. I'd give up right now because whatever remains of the person you used to be are gone." Magnus shook his head. "But I don't. I can see right through you. You're being so reckless… and stupid. If all of your new boyfriends saw the old you, would they recognize you then?"

"I should hope not."

Magnus reached out again, and this time, he held Alec's hand beneath his own. "I am the only one who can still see you through this façade. I know you like the back of my hand, probably better than you even know yourself. I know," he said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I know you can find it in you to forgive me."

Alec closed his eyes. Once upon a time, he'd believed that as long as you couldn't see the world, no one else could see you. It was when he was little, and back then, it had felt like such a basic, solid truth. It was one of the golden rules; it came right beside, "Share your toys," and "Don't let Isabelle eat too much ice cream." For this moment, Alec could almost believe that was still true. Magnus couldn't see him.

Magnus could see him, though, inside and out. So Alec opened his eyes and looked sadly at the man he hadn't truly stopped loving in years. "I can't."

"Alec-"

"Magnus, please," Alec said, asking for his turn to plead. "I can't go back to who I was before. Sure as hell I'm not going to go back to pining after you all the time. If you don't talk to me, I won't bother talking to you."

"Are you saying there's a chance?" Magnus asked quietly, hopefully.

"I'm saying there's a maybe," he said, and as the words came out, he knew them to be true. "I was never going to be ready to see you again, and I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you or give you another shot." Alec couldn't remember the last time he'd known for certain what he was saying was true. Was it odd that it was only around Magnus that he had ever felt like that?

Magnus looked at him for a long moment. Alec was silently trying to tell him to go away and let him sulk. But Magnus wouldn't take it. Instead, he leaned back, pulling his hand away. He settled into his familiar slouch. Alec assumed he was trying to lighten the mood.

"You want my advice?" Magnus asked before continuing on anyways. "Ditch the arm candy. Seriously, it's no point keeping someone around if they completely bore you. It makes for terrible conversations at the dinner table."

"It's only one," said Alec. "I try not to think too far ahead with thoughts like that." Magnus grinned at him. Alec shook his head slightly before looking down at the almost forgotten book lying in front of him.

"May I ask you why date them?" said Magnus.

"You can ask," Alec replied curtly. After a few seconds, he looked up at the expectant green eyes. He just shrugged at Magnus, not knowing entirely what he should be saying.

"How about this Haal guy? What's so interesting about him?" Alec had to consider before answering.

"He's really nice." It sounded pathetic to Alec's own ears. Magnus snorted at him.

"You don't have to settle for nice, Alec," he said softly, yet with the same sort of confidant force that seeped it's way into everything Magnus said. "What about Rodriguez?"

"Isabelle already used that name." Magnus frowned.

"Javier?" Alec considered.

"Nope, it's all yours," said Alec, causing Magnus to smirk. "_And his name is Miguel_," Alec said forcefully.

"I think he called me Melvin earlier."

"Oh, you two would hit it off."

Magnus leaned forward, traces of humor forming in his eyes. "Just because he can whisper dirty things to you in Spanish doesn't make him the good choice."

"Well," said Alec. "Firstly, I don't believe there really is a good choice and bad choice here; there's just too much middle. Secondly, don't knock the Spanish. Can you do that? Oh, no, you don't speak Spanish. Shame… Ancient Greek just doesn't have the same effect."

Magnus frowned, cupping his had by his ear as if straining to hear something. "Did I just imagine you comparing _him_ to _me_?" Alec could practically see Magnus' smirk, and Alec was trying desperately to keep from grinning himself.

"Get used to it. There's a lot I'm going to be thinking about," said Alec. Some part of his brain kind of liked Magnus' dislike of any comparison between him and Miguel, and Alec couldn't exactly keep the happiness out of his voice. He made a mental note to compare the two out loud more often.

"Honestly, Alec he's not even in my league," said Magnus, rolling his eyes as he did.

"He's a Latino."

"I'm magic."

"He speaks Spanish."

"I sparkle."

Alec tilted his head to the side slightly, raising an eyebrow.

"I win, naturally," Magnus decided, seeming satisfied.

"No, draw," Alec insisted.

"We'll see. Do you really think you're in love with him?

"I don't know if I'm not," Alec said slowly after a moment of consideration.

"So no," Magnus said, causing Alec to scowl. "How about sleet?"

"Haal."

"Let's stick with fairly mild weather, Alec. Do you love him?" Alec's scowl deepened for a moment, then he lightened up, a tiny smirk forming on his face.

"It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect," Alec said. It was Magnus' turn to raise his eyebrows, and Alec just shrugged at him.

"So you're in love with the weatherman?"

"On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way, with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably do or do not know if I shouldn't probably love him, if that indeed isn't how I don't feel. Even if I didn't feel the way I do, that would mean I'd really have to know if I don't love him."

Magnus stared. Alec grinned.

"You get a lot of sun down here, don't you?"

"Yep," Alec agreed. "Now come on, we have to start this research."

"I was actually going to meet up with another warlock to talk about these satanic legends," Magnus said, and Alec frowned.

"What about the reading?" he asked. Magnus was really walking a fine line here.

"There's plenty of shadowhunters here to help." Yep. A really fine line. _Ten minute penalty for the flippant warlock._

"Should I count this against you?" Alec asked, keeping his voice fairly neutral.

"You will until you realize I'm right," Magnus said. Hmm… Alec didn't like how certain Magnus seemed that Alec would eventually forgive him.

"Uh huh," muttered Alec, letting his attention drift away from the warlock. He looked back down to the book, trying to read. He couldn't though, his mind was reeling. How was Alec supposed to take this? He'd been abandoned, shut out, left in the cold, you name it. He shouldn't want to forgive Magnus. Yes, he'd had five years to think about it, but that was as fast as blinking the eight hundred year-old warlock, so Alec didn't immediately assume he should move on. Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but Alec was still waiting. He'd paid the price all these years, hurting over Magnus' mistakes.

No one could tell him what to feel, Alec realized then. If he wasn't ready to forgive Magnus, God damn it, he didn't have to. He wasn't ready to make it right with Magnus, as a part of him was still mad as hell at him for leaving. He could not just get over it. Maybe it was too late for Magnus to change Alec's mind, maybe it wasn't. Alec _was not_ going to lose sleep over this. He wasn't going to doubt himself anymore. Forgive and forget went out the window a long time ago, and Alec was going to do the right thing for _him_. Magnus, Isabelle, Miguel – none of them could sway Alec's decision, because it was _Alec's_ decision.

"Alec?" a voice called through his thoughts.

"Yeah?" Alec said without looking up from the book. He could feel Magnus' eyes on him, and his resolved wavered slightly. It was much easier to feel confident when the only person to persuade was himself.

"Do you still love me?" Magnus asked. Alec froze. _My decision…_

"No comment."

-Break

Alec often found himself needing to repeat that mantra. It was up to him how he felt. No one could tell him what to do.

As a whole week passed by, Alec was face with many attempts to sway him. There was always Magnus, as he was determined to gain Alec's forgiveness. Everyday Alec was faced with the prospect of talking with Magnus, sometimes with other people around, sometimes without.

Surprisingly, having different people around only changed things slightly. It would be slightly awkward, and Magnus would never bring up their relationship. There were only two exceptions. One was Isabelle, who would actually ask them how things were going (God, that girl had nerve). After a while, Alec had begun to suspect that Isabelle had known about Magnus' plans to try and get back together. And of course, being the "encouraging" sister she always was, she was determined for them to at least talk.

"Alec," she said to him late one night. "I know Magnus hurt you. You don't think I didn't catch your brief catatonic state? But, Alec, we both know that you were never happier than when you were with Magnus."

The second exception was Miguel, who could fill a crowded room with his own rage and jealousy. Alec and Miguel had had several arguments about this. It always seemed to revolve around Miguel's irrational fear of Alec leaving him. The way Miguel almost pleaded with him was… Alec couldn't that finish that sentence without feeling guilty. However, that feeling was nearly gone, as Miguel went overboard as usual. Their affair had always been safe. Miguel had at least had some reassurance knowing that Haal, his only competition, could never truly win over Alec, so there wasn't really any chance of Alec leaving. Now that Magnus was here however, he had reason to worry and panic. And it never helped Alec clear his head.

Because there was always the problem of Magnus. Alec never let him get any father topic-wise than he had gotten on that first afternoon, but there seemed to be a growing familiarity between the two. They joked around (sort of), they worked together on the case, and Alec would spend less and less time defending Miguel whenever Magnus got his name wrong. Alec always had the walls up; he never let Magnus get too close. Really, the only thing Alec had to hide behind in their confrontations was the steadily growing case.

Ah, the case. It just got better and better.

"From what I've gathered," Magnus told the shadowhunters. "We are actually dealing with a follower of Satan."

There hadn't been one non-skeptical look in the room. Ziyi had been the one to state her disbelief out loud.

"Celior was always looking into these legends. He was determined to find out what he had to do to fulfill his part in Satan's ascent.

"Now, about fifty years ago, he disappeared off the face of the earth. Nobody knew where he'd vanished. No one really cared that much, now that I think about it. But anyways, after fifty years of being practically nonexistent, he suddenly reappears."

"So we don't have any information on where he was for all those years?" asked Aaron. Magnus shook his head.

"But on the bright side, we know that he's back and out there somewhere," said Magnus.

"Why is that good?" asked Isabelle. Magnus' eyes seemed to flicker towards Alec before he answered.

"He isn't here."

There hadn't been any good leads to where this warlock actually was, and they weren't any closer to figuring out what he wanted. Everyone, Alec included, had spent plenty of time researching the topic of Satan's cage. To Alec, every legend seemed to be just that, legends. He'd always known about demons, but the idea of the devil existing seemed quite ridiculous.

Reading about these legends wasn't helping them with anything. They had no idea where he was, what he wanted; it particularly made the shadowhunters anxious that there was no apparent reason as to why he'd attacked the Clave. They spoke with several other local warlocks, but they'd never been able to get anything useful.

However, with each passing day, Alec's family became more adjusted to the Australian time. They'd spent longer periods of time talking about what had been going on in New York since Alec had left. Their parents hadn't changed their routine much, so they seemed to talk more with Isabelle and Jace, paying a bit more attention than they might have usually have. Alec deeply suspected that they didn't want to lose another child, not after Max leaving and Alec putting an ocean's distance between himself and home. Of course, by then, Alec had been highly consumed with guilt yet again, so he never told them the details of life in Sydney.

Life had that habit of bending into a routine, and there was no exception here. Talk to family, go hunting, deal with Haal, deal with Miguel, talk to Magnus, sleep. It was only natural for him to find that pattern and stick with it. And so far, everything seemed to go according to plan. Until one night, he went to bed late, as he'd actually been reading one time instead of speaking to Magnus. So reading worked it's way into that night's schedule. Not a problem, just that he'd spend a little less time sleeping. It wasn't actually a problem.

Alec lay in bed, thinking about his life and what it had become. He closed his eyes.

_And opened them again. He sat up straight, looking around his room. Something felt out of place in the dark, as if someone was here. _

_He looked around again, then decided to turn on the lamp. He reached to pull the switch, and the light blasted throughout the room. He turned just in time to see the dark shape retreating out the door. Predator instincts kicked in and Alec ran after it. He didn't grab any weapons, or even shoes, he just knew he had to follow it. _

_He dashed down the hall, determined to catch that… thing. He couldn't discern what it was, even though he could plainly see the moving shape. He ran along the halls, out into main foyer. The beast ran out the doors, though Alec hesitated. Was it really smart to leave the Institute in the middle of the night? He looked down at his bare feet, knowing how stupid it would be. He saw a candelabra standing near the open doors, considering whether or not it would prove a good weapon. _

_And then he heard it. It was a long, feral growl that echoed throughout the grand hall, though it clearly came from outside. At that, Alec didn't hesitate to run out into the night. As soon as he was out, he felt the rush of cool air attack his skin. He looked around at the city street before him. It was odd how everything seemed to blur as he looked at it. _

_Was this… a dream?_

_It hit Alec hard and fast. He felt the immediate tug on his leg and everything was gone. The thing was pulling him along with it. Alec couldn't even cry out as he moved at what he knew to be an impossibly fast speed. He tried to discern shapes in the endless dark mass around him, but it was impossible. He couldn't even cry out, knowing that no one would hear him._

_Something seemed to click in Alec's mind. He had to get rid of this thing. It was now or never, because he had no idea what this thing wanted. So he pulled. He fought and struggled against the thing that had it's grip on his leg, but it was very hard. He tried lashing out with his other foot, and it worked. Sort of. _

_His foot made contact with the thing, and Alec heard… almost a bark. And he was free. He flew through the air, hitting the ground with an earth-shattering crash. He stood up. It was so bizarre. Alec couldn't feel anything that was happening. Shouldn't he be in absolute pain right now?_

_He looked around. Oddly, the world was still a great, black mess. Wait... was that a door? Yes… Yes it was!_

_A door, a shack, a small cottage stood in front of him, not boasting of anything, simply casting a very intimidating aura. Instinct told Alec that he shouldn't approach this door, but suddenly he wasn't in control of the dream. He found his feet striding up to the door. Should he knock?_

_Apparently that wasn't necessary, as his own hand reached out and pushed the door open. There was even more blackness inside it, but he saw a glimmer of light coming from inside the house. Reason kept his feet from moving now._

_Was it really smart to go into this unknown house? He didn't know who lived there, and they might not take kindly to him barging in. But maybe they could help him. They had light…_

_That settled it for Alec. He walked in._

_A cold room. No shapes._

_Turn to the right. Light… reaching out to it…_

_A chair. A person…? A v-v-voice…_

"_Hello, Alec." _

_Panic. Run. Paralyzed. _

_Handsome face, actually. Brown curls. Dark eyes. Too dark. Too dark…_

_Run._

_Help._

Move.

"_Help… me…"_

_Laughter. Cruel laughter._

_The feel of the rug rushing up to meet him…_

_Footsteps… RUN, ALEC!_

_Looking down at him. _

_Too dark… no more darkness…_

_Burns on his forehead. _

_Evil smile._

_A tear._

_Forehead…_

_666._

Alec awoke with a start. He was panting hard, sweat oozing from all of his pores. God, that had been a horrible dream. Alec closed his eyes, placing his head in his hands. It was all this devil research that was getting to him. Of course it was easy for Magnus, who had told them how he'd grown up with a religious lifestyle, to simply accept all this, but perhaps it was too much for Alec to handle while his word was spinning.

What had that number been about? He strained his mind to remember where he had read about that number.

"No one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him who has the understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is a number of man: His number is 666."

Alec could remember it word for word now and was not surprised. It was straight out of the Bible (Revelations, maybe?) and it spoke of the Devil and the mark he would give all of his followers. Wait. Followers?

And suddenly Alec knew who the man in his dream had been. Unbelievable as it seemed, Alec had just dreamed about Demetri Celior, the very man they were hunting. Alec quickly tried to remember the facial features, but they slipped away from him as though his mental fingers were made of butter. Alec swore. He remembered then the feeling of paralysis that had gripped him in his dream. It was a terrible feeling. Just to make sure he could move now, Alec scrunched his toes up.

And he froze.

Alec looked around, eyes wide.

He was in the middle of the Australian outback. There was no shack in sight.

There was another mental click, and Alec realized that this was a true desert. He was in an Australian desert. In the middle of February. Wearing nothing but pajama's.

The sun peaked over the horizon, a red fireball set against the endless landscape.

AN: Ooh, cliffy. Fun.

My God this was so hard to write. It came to me in microscopic bits and pieces, but I somehow managed to string it all together. Well, it passes the usual length, and I covered all the bases. See, from here on out, I really want to put something in my chapters. An actual, significant event that adds to the plotline. Well, I'll try.

I have to say, I am really sorry about the long wait. I know a lot of the stories I'm reading have stopped at about six or seven chapters (I would never point fingers) but I'm letting you know now that I refuse to let that happen to this story. You have my word, and because I'm a writer, that should mean something to you. What have I been doing since I last wrote? Well, the only genuine excuse for not updating is camping for a few days. Other than that, it's been getting used to the new schedule, and watching Shut up and Sing over and over. It's that documentary about the Dixie Chicks. Oh yeah, since I last updated I've gained a sort of addiction to the Dixie Chicks. There's a couple paragraphs in here that were inspired from the song "Not ready to make nice." See if you can pick them out.

I'm even more sorry for not mentioning this in the last chapter, but thank you so much to the people who listed the Spanish names and to those who gave me some info about their city. I'm slowly being filled with a longing to travel to this city. Maybe I'll find the Institute.

I don't know if I'll be revisiting Sydney at this point, 'cause now it's all about the desert. Yes, I've gained a great interest in the country as a whole now, and I've discovered these great deserts, so they're here. Aussi, I actually did quote the Bible here (though I'm not sure I have the words exactly right). I'll try to keep away from a lot of the religion based stuff, but whenever I do have to bring it up, bear in mind that I really only know about my religion: Christianity. But let's not get into religion. Again, I'll keep away from it. Too controversial.

Thanks for reading, and if you have fingers, you should review. Because I love you. Kidding. ;)

How about this… review and Alec will be spared from the dangers of the Great Sandy Desert.

Show your love for Alec! Review!

Again, thanks for reading.


	9. Sentez la chaleur

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 8: Sentez la chaleur

It didn't look like what Alec first imagined a desert to look like. Having never seen a real one before, he'd been imagining great sand dunes, cacti, and camels roaming free. Of course he'd been off. All around him, he saw the great landscape, a mess of grey green shrubs growing in the bright red dirt, though he had yet to see a cactus. And, he thanked the Angel, there were no animals around. He'd learned from Aaron that there weren't a lot of friendly animals out in the wild (Ah, and there was the great tale of Aaron's encounter with a real kangaroo. Always better not to bring it up unless he was drunk).

He was at a loss. Alec looked out, seeing hills off in the distance, but he couldn't see anything new. Dirt. Plants. A couple of hills. Other than that, there was nothing. Frustration welled up inside him, overshadowing any feelings of helplessness. He urged himself to remain calm and try to get back to Sydney. Well, anywhere would be nice, he thought as he rubbed his warm arms that, seemingly pale, reflected the light of the morning. There was a lot to think about.

Alec was already starting to worry about overheating. He was in a desert for God's sake! He had no survival tools, no way of protecting himself from the heat… he didn't even know how to survive out here on his own without any tools. He couldn't see any now, but he knew there were also dangerous animals out here.

"This is some kind of karma, isn't it?" Alec said aloud. It was nice to hear something that wasn't the rustle of tiny shrubs.

It made sense, in a way. Five years of being a total asshole had to catch up with you at some point. How had he even gotten here in the first place? It made no sense, now that Alec thought about it.

It was that dark thing, Alec remembered. I followed it out of the Institute, it dragged me here – but that was a dream. Right? Had it been a dream? There had been the creature; was it a demon? And – it couldn't be real – but who was that man?

666.

Alec looked at the sun. It was so blinding. There was something about… that number…

His eyes didn't leave the sun. He didn't even move. It was the ground that suddenly rose up.

-Break-

Well, the coffee machine wasn't broken. Isabelle checked it a few times to be sure. Nope, there wasn't anything wrong with it. Perhaps it had been her. She turned around to look at the offending coffee mug. She'd barely been able to take a sip of it before gagging. It was as bad as vegemite. Of course, that had led her to believing that the coffee grinds had been spiked with the "spread". Nope, they were clean.

An echo of Jace's voice rang in her head, attempting to solidify the idea that it was her fault the coffee had turned out dreadful. Isabelle couldn't remember a time when anything had worked for in the kitchen. Struck by a sudden thought, she reached over to the table and picked up the mug. Swirling it around a little, she examined the liquid inside. She took a sip, tasting the same foul substance. But she noticed something else this time. It didn't taste very different. It reminded her of the coffee she had every morning.

Wow. She was really dense when she wanted to be.

So she wasn't a good cook, she'd always known. Yet she'd always been able to stomach it. Why was that? Was it because she needed to prove to herself that it wasn't that bad? Could be. Or perhaps it was that things tasted a lot better when someone else was suffering from food poisoning from the same dish. Watching their efforts to spit and gag made her almost enjoy her food. And of course, as soon as these thoughts began, she turned towards the obnoxiously empty chair where Alec usually sat in the mornings.

Over the past few days, it had become something of a tradition for her to meet Alec in the morning. She'd always be up before him, so she'd be able to tease him about Carlos. They'd only had one discussion about the mundie. Alec had told her right out that he really didn't want to be judged. Anyone could see that what he was doing bothered even him, so Isabelle never really pushed hard on that front.

The sound of the door opening caused her to look up. Her hopes quickly faded as the woman… uh… Ziyi came into the room.

"Good morning," Isabelle said politely.

"Oh," the woman started. She seemed distracted, Isabelle noted. "Good morning. You are Alec's sister, am I right?"

Isabelle frowned slightly as she nodded.

"Do you know where he is?" Isabelle blinked a couple times, taken back by the question. So not even this woman knew where Alec was.

"I haven't seen him this morning," she told Ziyi, and the woman sighed deeply. Isabelle considered her strained face, which, on top of her evident worry, seemed very tired.

"I hate it when he does this," Ziyi hissed suddenly. Isabelle stared the woman right in the face, raising an eyebrow. For all Isabelle could tell, the shadowhunter was actually angry with her. She tried to ask the woman what she meant, but the words seemed to fail her for some odd reason.

"Do you want to sit down?" It was the best Isabelle could come up with, and the woman did. She slid gracefully into one of the dining chairs, placing her chin in her hands.

"I'm sorry," she told Isabelle. "It's just that, over the years, Alec's grown fond of leaving the Institute often. He spends too much time neglecting his responsibilities. I-" she stopped, closing her eyes in frustration.

"I don't quite understand," said Isabelle, her voice sharp. "That doesn't sound anything like my brother."

"He changed. Of that I think we can both be quite certain," said Ziyi with firmness. Isabelle frowned, not liking this woman talking about Alec as though she knew him better than his own sister. Although, Isabelle thought sadly, she probably did know Alec better than Isabelle at this point. She wondered if this woman knew why Alec had decided to go after two guys.

"Do you know about the… thing with Alec and Miguel? And-"

"And Haal. Yes, I've known for a few years now," said Ziyi sadly.

Isabelle tried to form her scrambled thoughts into coherent sentences, but something about this new Alec still jarred her thoughts slightly. "Why?" she asked quietly.

Ziyi looked at her sadly. "I've tried to convince Alec to just let them go, but he won't listen. And I don't think he truly cares much for either boy, rather, he's satisfied that they both follow him."

Isabelle sighed. "I can't get over how much he has changed," she admitted. "I can hardly understand him now."

"He's changed a lot since he first came here," Ziyi said, not unkindly. Isabelle was about to ask about the new Alec when the other Australian shadowhunter, Aaron, came in.

"I can't find him," he told the women.

"Did you look-" started Ziyi.

"Everywhere he normally goes," said Aaron. "He must have some other places to go now."

"He's not by the harbour? Up north?" asked Ziyi, to which Aaron replied by shaking his head.

"I'll keep looking with Miguel, but we won't find him if he doesn't want to be found." Isabelle was shaken by Aaron's words. She frowned as she watched him walk out.

"This doesn't sound like Alec," she said to Ziyi, firmly. "He didn't just disappear; he took his responsibilities seriously-"

"He still does," Ziyi said, sounding serious, but not angry with Isabelle. "I just wish he was here half the time to do so." And with that, she followed Aaron out the door, leaving Isabelle angry and confused.

She slowly placed her head in between her hands, trying to take in this news about the new Alec. So now he had multiple flings and vanished whenever he felt like it. He was slowly becoming less and less like the brother she remembered. There would always be something new thing that he did or that liked and it would make him only more unfamiliar. She would not be surprised to hear that Alec had taken to working at a strip joint… if there were strip joints in Australia.

Well, she thought to herself, leaving isn't necessarily new for Alec, but this really didn't sound like her brother. Sure, she was getting used to all these new details and bits of info about her brother, but the fact that he was slacking off disturbed her. Spending time by himself seemed all too common for Alec, and Isabelle remembered how, before he had started dating Magnus, Alec had often vanished in the middle of the night. They had always been "walks" according to Alec (she only believed him half of the time), and, she remembered, he hadn't always left a little note behind when he left. She'd never believed him - especially not after he met Magnus – but it wasn't as if he just vanished for long hours on end. No one had to go looking after him though, because he didn't leave during the important hours. Alec would always come back in the end.

And then there was Australia. For weeks Isabelle had been trying to get Alec to open up to her and stop crying, but Magnus had really hurt him when the two broke up. She wondered now if she'd been at all surprised when Alec had announced he was leaving for Sydney. She supposed it fit in with her brother's personality, the one that didn't change. Running away from his problems was a fifty-fifty for Alec; sometimes it would work, sometimes it would. That's all he'd been doing when he left. He'd been running away from his hurt.

But Alec hadn't come back home. After five years, Alec hadn't come back. And maybe that had gotten to her. Was that simple sadness or nostalgia she was feeling? What did it matter? She had more important things to be doing.

Isabelle considered what the other two shadowhunters had said. So Alec liked hanging out near harbours now. Weird. Though, he wasn't there now. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. It wasn't actually her cell phone; Magnus had lent it to her, saying that her own cell wouldn't work properly in Australia. She'd been too tired to bother ask, so she took it. Of course she'd hated it when she was awake again. It was small, dull, and black; she'd often wondered if it actually belonged to Magnus. If it was too dull for her, it had to be absolutely terrible for Magnus. And speak of the devil who's first on speed dial.

"Magnus?"

"This better be good, princess," she heard the annoyed voice through the phone's tiny speaker.

"You have to come over here now," said Isabelle, making her voice sound as urgent as possible. "Alec came back to the Institute this morning covered in blood. We don't know what's wrong, but he's really hurt. We've tried all we can-"

"What?" Magnus' voice suddenly became much more urgent. Isabelle heard a sort of crash on the other end of the line. "Do you not have any idea what's wrong with him?"

Isabelle hesitated for a moment. She hadn't figured out why exactly she was lying. Magnus would still come if she told him the truth. Perhaps it was because watching – or listening – to other people's worries was surprisingly satisfying.

"I… Alec… attack… soon…" and she closed the phone, acknowledging as she did that it had been kind of stupid. Oh well. The sooner the warlock was here, the better. She might even catch Magnus without makeup.

Isabelle looked at the empty seat across from her and sighed. She hoped that this time, Alec would run back to say goodbye first.

-Break-

Alec was tired when he opened his eyes. Evidently being unconscious did not provide the same rest as actual sleep. He sat up and looked around, not very surprised by the long expanse of desert around him. The sun was now much higher in the sky, and Alec was feeling very warm now. In fact, it was uncomfortably hot, though Alec had a nagging worry that it was only going to get worse. He stood up, slowly so as not to dizzy himself, and took in his surrounding again. Okay now… the sun still rose in the east? Yes, the east. So he should go… where? Perhaps if he went north, he would find a town or city. Though he'd have to be careful not to go to far northeast. If he did, all he'd find was that expanse of desert that met the sea, with no means of communication in between.

He took a deep breath, looked up at the sun again, then began to walk in the general vicinity of north. The ground was rough, and Alec kept finding himself looking down more often up, keeping an eye on the knotted plants and such. He worried absently about some of the animals that lived out here. Forget demons; if he got stung by s scorpion or bitten by a snake, he was screwed. He had no means of healing himself out here. But, being Nephilim, he couldn't forget about demons. What if he ran into one out here? Would there be any demons out here? No, they would go to more populated areas. He was fairly certain.

He took deep, calming breaths as he walked, making sure he didn't go at a pace that was too fast. He was not going to push himself out here, not with the sun already beating down on him and the buzz of the wild all around him. Indeed, there was something in the bright landscape around him that seemed to pulse with life. It was as if Alec could feel those tiny creatures crawling around, alert to his presence. Now if only he could see them. Instead of animals, all Alec could see was the bright red and burnt orange ground, dotted with dull grey, hunter green plants. He seriously doubted he would see much else. Perhaps, if the Angel truly hated him, he'd see a kangaroo or a mountain lion of sorts (Alec couldn't think of desert animals off the top of his head.), but nothing worse than that.

Alec winced as the warm rocks scraped against his feet. He was going to have blisters soon. He would be lucky not end up with his feet bleeding as he walked. And of course, he would keep waking when they started bleeding, simply because he had to find some way of getting back to Sydney. He had definitely endured worse; sore feet would be no problem for him. He would keep on going and going, bloody feet making no imprint against the already bright red desert ground.

He turned back sharply, looking down at first to make sure that he wasn't bleeding, but also because something felt immediately off. He slowly looked up, considering the area around him. He hadn't seen or heard anything; it was pure instinct that had awoken in him. He stood frozen, waiting for something to change around him.

A very slight movement to the right caught his eye and he turned sharply. He strained his eyes to see what had moved, but there seemed to be nothing there. Wait! There it was. It was… a dog?

The dog slowly stepped over a plant, carrying the air of one predator approaching another. The fur that covered it was reddish brown that almost seemed to blend in with the ground. Perhaps it was a few shades lighter. Overall, it was rather small in size. It couldn't have been more than two feet tall. Alec knew that this wasn't necessarily what many people would call cute, but there was something oddly interesting about the jagged, angular features of its face.

Alec immediately loosened his tight posture, relieved in a way. Aaron had never mentioned having problems with wild dogs, though Alec was sure he'd heard Aaron call them something. It started with a… W? Or was it a D? Who knew?

He slowly approached the dog, looking down at it. The dog just looked up at him, as though trying to say that he wasn't going to be a problem, so long as Alec wasn't. And that seemed fair deal. Alec knelt down beside it, knowing that it was probably very stupid to do so. He looked the dog in the eyes, and then reached out hand. He was careful to keep his hand low, so as not to scare the animal. He held the palm of his hand out to the dog, offering it for the dog to sniff. It did, and Alec grinned.

"I knew you weren't dangerous," said Alec, smiling. He pulled his hand back. He was pretty tempted to reach out and pet it, but he had to remember that this was a wild dog. He stood up then, wondering how he should keep on going north. He decided to take slow step away. He silently stepped backwards, taking great care as he set each foot back another step. After about ten paces, Alec turned and began to walk away, keeping his ears trained on the dog to see if it would come any closer. He figured that he was close to home free, and he thanked the Angel that he had been so lucky.

Alec was already gaining the same pace he'd had before when he heard again the rustle of movement behind him. As he turned back, he saw the same dog walking up to him once again. He looked at the dog once again, very confused. He took a step backwards, moving away from it. Another step back… on more… and the dog started following him again.

"Don't you have somewhere to go?" Alec asked it. "Come on, go."

The dog was not going.

Alec stared at it.

It stared at Alec.

"Are you really going to follow me?" asked Alec. The dog, seeming to know what Alec was saying, took a step closer to him, hesitant, though he began to loosen up. He trotted over beside Alec and looked up at him. Alec sighed and shook his head.

"Fine. You can follow me, but I have to figure out what you are first."

Alec considered the dog in front of him. He knew he had heard Aaron talking about wild dogs in Australia. There had been some sort of attack; Alec looked again at the dog in front of him, and he decided that this dog definitely didn't look as if it wanted to hurt him. What did Aaron call it? It started with a D. Di… Din… Dinner? Alec would've laughed out loud, but there was something about that stare.

_Don't even think about it_, Alec imagined it saying to him.

Oh… Dingo! That was it. "You're a dingo," he said decidedly to it. It almost looked bored with him.

_No shit._

Alec let out what felt like the hundredth sigh of the day. So now he was imagining the dog was talking to him? He had to get out of the sun soon. He was already losing his sanity.

"Come on there… Dingo?" He wasn't quite sure whether or not to give it a name, but he remembered meeting someone in New York who actually went by the name "Dingo". It couldn't hurt to call it that. Alec wondered absently why he was so keen on the idea of naming this thing as though it was his pet. Alec didn't have a good history with pets. He remembered Church, who was always so grumpy towards him, and then Chairman Meow, who hadn't been the worst company, but came with too many bad memories. Well, those were cats, he decided. There wasn't anything wrong with needing some sort of companion, a point that very easily illustrated out here in the blazing wilderness. And he wasn't just thinking that because it applied to so many other parts of his life.

So Alec kept walking north, Dingo following along at his side.

-Break-

Isabelle wasn't in a much better mood when she heard the bell signaling someone trying to get into the Institute. She headed down to the entrance with heavy footsteps. It couldn't have been more than half an hour since she'd called Magnus. He was good.

"Where is he? What's wrong?" Magnus said as soon as she opened the front doors. He hastened to move past her into the entrance, bumping into her as he did. It only made her feel more annoyed.

"Who?" taunted Isabelle. Magnus spun around to glare at her. If Isabelle had been less angry, and therefore more sensible, she might've been intimidated (keyword being "might"). But, being who she was, it only gave her a little satisfaction.

"Listen, Lightwood-" Magnus started. Isabelle spoke up before he could get much of a threat out.

"Alec's fine." Isabelle said it with a smirk, and Magnus' face seemed to freeze in a sort of glare. She grinned as she fully took in his simple black jeans and red T-shirt. His hair was down and, yes, he had no makeup on. Needless to say he had definitely dashed out here. And he'd done it for Alec. That took away any humor she was feeling, and she let the grin fall from her face.

"You called me out here for nothing?" Magnus asked. "You do realize that my time is valuable, don't you? I be running around this city every time one of you stupid Nephilim-"

"Yeah, sure. Listen," Isabelle interrupted. "Alec's not injured; he's missing. I called you over here so you could maybe help track him."

"Okay," Magnus said after a beat. "Anything else you want to lay on me? Because if not, I think I'd like to kill somebody-"

"Magnus Bane?" a voice said from behind the two. Isabelle and Magnus both looked over at Ziyi, who still seemed slightly frazzled, though she contained most of her worries quite well. "I hadn't realized you were coming to the Institute today. Has there been an update in the investigation?"

"Not quite-" started Magnus, but Isabelle was again quick to intervene.

"Magnus offered to help look for Alec," she stated, ignoring the look Magnus was giving her. "He can perform a tracking spell."

Ziyi looked as though a great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. "Can you? It would be a great help. I can pay-"

"Oh, Magnus said he wouldn't charge for this one." Isabelle could practically feel the cat eyes behind her stabbing into her head like daggers.

"That's right," Magnus said after a moment of silence. Isabelle was quite impressed at his calm tone. "All I'll need is something of Alec's."

Ziyi sighed. "Thank you. I just need to speak with Aaron about this." And she left.

"Damn it, woman! Are you planning on letting me finish any sentences today?"

"Nah, it's fun."

"Now if you don't mind, I have to get started on this spell to find _your_ brother."

"I take it you know where Alec's bedroom is?"

"You know, it's fine if Ziyi doesn't pay me. You can do that on your own."

"Fuck you."

"Ha! I'm not that easy, darling. And look at that: we're right back at prices."

-Break-

Alec was getting tired. And hungry. And thirsty. And sunburned. He envied Dingo for having the coat of fur to keep him shielded from the sun.

Why was this happening to him? Alec had been walking for what were probably hours by now, and he couldn't comprehend what had happened to him. He avoided thinking about the dream. He could recall every detail, sure, but he knew that if he thought about… that man, he would fall unconscious again. There was just something so mind numbing about the dream. It was so unreal… Okay, he couldn't just pass out again. He would figure this out.

For starters, what had the shack been about? It certainly hadn't been there when Alec woke up. That definitely added to the unreal sense of the dream. He was having a hard time imagining what kind of person would live in the middle of the desert. Okay, there were probably lots of people who managed it, but still!

Alec was lost in his thoughts when he tripped and stumbled over the root. He fell forward onto his knees, breaking his fall with his hands. He hit the ground with an awful thump. He sat back on his feet and examined his scraped hands. He swore as he took in the blood that was already seeping out slowly from the gashes on his palms. He shifted a little so he was able to see the tears in both the knees of his pants, accompanied with the growing red stain. Alec looked up at the sky.

"What did I do?" he asked aloud. There was no reply except the gentle nudge on his right arm. He turned to look at Dingo, who was staring intently into his eyes. There was something very odd about Dingo, Alec thought. Alec had walked for Angel knew how long, and the dog had followed him the entire way, never straying far from Alec's side. Whenever Alec began to move slowly, the dog would nudge his legs with his nose to get him to move faster. Sometimes he would bite on the bottom of Alec's pant leg and pull him along. Weirdest of all had been when Alec had stumbled over a plant and lost his bearings for a moment. He'd regained his footing and began walking determinedly, until Dingo bit on his pant leg and pulled him in the opposite direction. It had taken Alec a moment to realize that Dingo was the one with the good sense of direction, not him.

Alec had remembered again about Aaron telling him about dingo attacks on the mundanes. They weren't really a threat to Nephilim, but Aaron had advised him to stay away from one if he ever saw one in the wild. That didn't seem to be the case with Dingo, who seemed unusually calm around Alec. The two had formed a sort of bond. They both knew they had to keep going. Alec would probably never understand why the dog needed to keep walking.

And as Alec sat there in the dirt, Dingo surprised him yet again by stiffening up and looking around. Alec heard him sniffing the air, and he almost seemed to tense up more.

"What is it, Dingo?" Alec asked, but he felt it as soon as the words left his lips. There was, again, no sense that told him anything, but pure instinct told him something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He turned around slowly, only to see the great expanse of empty desert. There was nothing in sight, though Alec was not reassured. And apparently, neither was Dingo.

The dog actually bit down on Alec's arm and tugged him forwards. Alec tugged his hand away and stood up. As soon as he was on his feet, Dingo began moving forward. The two started out at a brisk walk, but within moments, they were sprinting across the desert. Both of them knew something was wrong. Alec felt terrifyingly weak all of sudden. He had always been safe before now, always having family and weapons near and at hand. Now, he felt naked. And with instinct biting and nipping at his heels harder than Dingo, Alec was slowly gaining a new feeling. It was that of prey being hunted.

He bounded along with Dingo, matching his smaller dog leaps with his own fast tempo. He had always been a fast runner, and he was definitely putting that to good use. It was very hard to keep it up though, as his feet were really starting to ache. He wasn't sure if he would make it.

As he ran with Dingo along the desert, he saw the hill in front of him. Doubtless, they would run up. The two approached the bottom of the rocky hill, moving very quickly. They took quick, sharp strides, so quick they were almost blurs. As he was running, he thought about his family. He thought about Haal and Miguel, and he prayed to the Angel that he would at least live long enough to fix the mess he'd made.

With those dreary thoughts out of the way, Alec made his way to the top of the hill. He stopped there, breathing heavily. He didn't bother to take in the landscape around him, rather, he turned back to see what had been chasing them. He let out a gasp of surprised air, as he saw absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. He looked up to the sky, wondering if it was some sort of bird.

And then it hit him. Literally.

An invisible force rammed itself into Alec's midriff, and he felt himself moving backwards. No… no… NO! He was falling backwards, down the other side of the hill, and he was unable to stop. He somersaulted once, twice, three times; over and over he felt his body slam into the earth over and over and the jolts of pain echoed through his body again and again. After what seemed like forever, Alec came to a stop at the bottom of the hill.

He couldn't move. It could've been that he was o tired he couldn't bother to life so much as a finger. It could have been that he had snapped his neck while falling. He had no idea. He was screwed, that he knew for sure. It was absolutely terrible having no means of saving yourself. There were no healers around, no friends or family to draw a quick iratze. And he had no way of protecting himself from this invisible force. Alec looked back up the hill, but he was still unable to see anything.

He was somehow able to turn his head to look at the landscape on the other side of the hill. And his mind froze. In front of him was a wide expanse of jewel blue ocean. And just like that, Alec knew he was screwed. He had come to the expanse of Australia where desert met sea, much too far away from any type of civilization. From any kind of help…

Alec felt again the nudge of something wet on his arm. Dingo. He could tell without looking it was him, but he could not respond in any way. The shocking realization of his terrible predicament had frozen him even more than the fall. Somehow, Alec was able to turn his head. He was going to die anyways. What did it matter if he hurt himself anymore in the process?

Dingo was facing away from Alec, looking at something off in the distance. Not for the first time, Alec was unable to see what the big deal was. The dog was, surprisingly, in a protective stance in front of Alec. Alec heard a strange noise at his point, and it took him a minute to realize that it was Dingo growling at something.

"Dingo," Alec croaked out. The dog didn't turn. Out of nowhere, it just ran off to the right, and Alec lost sight of the only companion he'd have on the last day of his life. He tried to ignore the hollow feeling right in the middle of his chest. It worked, sort of, and Alec was able to focus on the thing that was hunting him. He turned back to he hill, and this time, he saw a small dark shape. It really didn't have any sort of form, but Alec was willing to bet that it was some kind of demon. A demon that was about to kill him.

The thing was slowly moving down the cliff, clearly moving towards Alec.

Alec's eyes widened, then closed unwilling to torture himself any further.

He heard the swish of fabric against thin bones.

The loud howl of a dog of the wild.

Alec squeezed his eyes shut tighter, letting the howl envelope him…

"Alec?"

AN: BAM! I finished it! After my longest hiatus so far, I finished this. It was again, ridiculously long, but I supposed I owe you guys a lot of writing after my long break. I have to apologize to you for this.

I was going through a really rough spot; my inspiration for this story was nearly gone. But then I was reading the first couple of chapters and the reviews that people wrote (I love you all) and I was getting through it. I should say, I work one chapter ahead, so the one after this took me a while to write. The second half came really fast and as for the next few chapters... well this is the part of Renaissance that I've been waiting for. The first little bit was all intro and it was hard to plan it out in my mind, but the next few chapters are going to be a lot easier. I have up until 13 planned perfectly.

I really hope you all enjoy this. I'll definitely update sooner next time. I'm sorry for the long wait, and if I haven't done so, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed or gave some Spanish names. I really appreciate it. I also probably should've asked someone about dingos. I have one friend who's lived in Australia for half of her life, so I have a bit of info about Australia. After I'd written this chapter, I asked her about dingos and she told me they're like Australia's version of the wolves up here in Canada. Why don't we just say that this is a very special dingo. He might be _familiar._ Hint, hint.

Thanks for reading. Please review and I hope you enjoyed this.


	10. Illégal

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 9: Illégal

This was serious. Alec was seriously injured; Isabelle didn't even know if an iratze could heal him. They had to help….

And she burst out laughing again, just as Alec attempted to sit up in bed and winced. He turned to glare at her, but the effect was slightly marred by another painful wince. It only made her laugh harder.

"Fuck you, Izzy."

"I'm sorry," she managed in between laughs. She couldn't stop. After at least three hours of holding her laughter in, she was letting it out now. As she laughed, very loudly, the dog looked up at her and growled. That helped. A little. She had to take a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She looked back at Alec to see that he was still glaring at her. "I can't help it. It would be much easier not to laugh if you didn't look like a tomato."

Alec tried to shift again so that he wouldn't have to look at her, but he sucked in a breath out of pain, and gave up. It really was funny. It wasn't every day that Alec's face was bright red… okay, maybe that wasn't new. What was new was that his arms and legs matched the colour. He honestly did look like a giant tomato.

She hadn't been laughing three hours ago, when Magnus had opened a portal that led them out into the desert (or "the bush", as Aaron had called it). It hadn't been at all funny to hear those panicked howls, and then to climb over a large hill to see that dog standing over a still Alec.

It had taken Magnus less than five minutes to help Alec regain consciousness, though the dog had been hovering the whole time. After that it was very easy to get Alec moving. They opened another portal and they were back to the Institute. It had taken them less than twenty minutes. And yet those twenty minutes had been so frightening. The other shadowhunters had vanished after a few minutes by Alec's side, and Izzy knew that they were going to be discussing this for a while. How the hell had Alec ended up in the middle of nowhere? Alec hadn't even been able to tell them. All he had really gotten across to the group was that the dog now sitting by his bed was staying. Maybe it was because of the tomato head, but no one had refused it.

"You try spending hours in the desert in nothing but your pajamas," Alec huffed. Isabelle smirked, but she could sense the dog still staring at her. Aaron had called it a dingo. Alec had also called it dingo, but with him, it was as though that was actually the dog's name. Was it even a dog? Aaron had also said it was like the Australian version of a wolf.

"You know, that kind of brings up the question…" Izzy began. She saw Alec's face frown slightly, as though he already knew what she was going to say. "How did you end up in the desert?"

"I've told you all, I don't know," Alec said firmly. Isabelle took a few steps closer to him, so she was standing right beside his bed.

"Alec, look at me."

"Izzy, that means moving," he half moaned. She grinned again, and, stepping over the dingo, sat on the end of the bed so she could look Alec in the face. He seemed to have that look of pain permanently fixed onto his face. "Don't move the bed," he said firmly.

"Alec," she said. "You know you're going to have to tell us sooner or later. Why don't you tell me?"

He sighed. "Izzy, I don't know what happened. I woke up in the desert."

"Did you have a nightmare?" she asked teasingly. "You know, most people go cry to someone else, not run out into the middle of the desert."

"Are you going to keep mocking me? Or do you actually want to know about it?"

She considered. "Fine, go ahead."

Alec sighed, closing his eyes as though he could barely remember, and he was expanding effort by trying to recall the details. "I remember there was something in the Institute. I followed it outside, and as soon as I was out the front doors… it grabbed me. It felt… like I was being pulled. I fought back… and it let go…" he opened his eyes to look as her. "I don't remember anything else."

Isabelle blinked in surprise, and then said, "What was that thing?"

"I don't know."

"Couldn't you see it in the dream?" she asked, her voice getting sharper.

"No, Izzy, it just looked like a big dark shape."

"You have to remember something, Alec," she said exasperatedly, getting to her feet. "We have to know what really happened. And we have to know if this dream thing was real, because apparently it's powerful enough to break into the Institute."

Alec sighed. "I know," he said softly. "I'll try to remember something else."

Isabelle looked at him sadly. She didn't want to hurt him, but she was getting really anxious about this. She couldn't be certain, but she had this feeling in her gut that if they hadn't shown up when they had, Alec would be dead. She was amazed he'd been able to survive in the desert for so long.

"Alec-" she began, but she was interrupted by the door opening behind her. She turned to see Magnus slowly stepping into the room. She raised her eyebrows at him. He shrugged. "What are you doing here?" she asked calmly.

"Well," he said, and Isabelle heard Alec not-so-subtle jump at the sound of Magnus' voice. "Not much else is going on, and someone mentioned something about sunburns. I figured I'd come to laugh."

Alec coughed behind her, and Isabelle smirked at Magnus.

"Or help."

Isabelle turned back to Alec. "Sounds good," she said and began to walk away. She felt a tug on her arm, so she turned to look at Alec, who was shaking his head, looking quite terrified.

"Don't you think you should stay?" he asked, and she could hear the pleading note in his voice.

"I know where I'm not needed. Besides, the sooner you get healed, the sooner you're safe from being cooked up on Italian night."

And, that being said, she turned back around, smiled at Magnus and hastily exited.

-Break-

Alec wanted to hide. Of course, there was a part of him that was furious at that need. He was a Shadowhunter! Why should he be afraid of being in the same room as Magnus? After a whole week of getting used to Magnus' presence, Alec should be ready to handle conversation with him. It wasn't because he looked like a bright red freak and he knew it. No way was it because he was still insecure of their old frequency. It was not knowing that he could barely move without wincing, that Magnus would try to ask him person al questions the entire time, regardless of professionalism, and it wasn't because Alec could easily remember how intimate the feeling of having Magnus heal him was. It was one of his most cherished memories that had taken place in the second half of the relationship. Sure, Magnus may have been bored with him, but there was no faking that closeness of having Magnus' magic filling him up with warmth.

If Alec hadn't been so sunburned, his blush would've been obvious. For the first time, he was grateful.

"You know," he heard from near the door. "I never imagined you as the type to bring strays home with you. Chinese food, sure. But a dog? Never."

Alec frowned as he glanced down at his companion. Dingo looked quite comfortable curled up on the floor. Was that a smug smirk on his face? Alec almost smirked himself as he recalled the look on Aaron's face when he'd seen a wild dingo walking around the Institute. It was almost as good as the look he'd gotten when Alec told him he was keeping it.

"He followed me," Alec said quietly, though he would never be mad at Dingo for anything.

He sensed movement right beside him.

"Alec?"

"What?"

"You have to look at me." Alec took a deep breath before turning. Magnus wasn't wearing any makeup, and his hair was loose and flowing today. Even his clothes were toned down for some reason.

Refusing to look at Magnus' eyes, Alec muttered, "Who died?"

Magnus gave a sort of controlled grin before he placed Alec's chin in his hand, undoubtedly inspecting Alec's burns. "You're lucky these are only sunburns. Any longer and you could have been fried."

"Really?" Alec said skeptically. "Because I'm not feeling so lucky right now."

"Naturally," Magnus murmured quietly, as though he was speaking to himself. There was a small pause in which Magnus kept Alec's chin placed firmly between his fingers.

And then the magic began to pulse from his fingertips, and Alec shut his eyes. Yes, he remembered this. It felt so hot, but it was never uncomfortable. It was almost as though Magnus was gently stroking him beneath the skin… and Alec had to force himself to remember that he did not want that. Ever. Not…

He let out a long sigh as the magic left him. He still had his eyes closed, and he was honestly too scared to open them. He did not want Magnus to see the fear he was feeling, but he so scared. His hands were balled in fists. He had no idea what to do now. What would Magnus do? Alec felt Magnus' breath brush against his lips and he froze. He was not ready for that. He wasn't even ready to think about that.

But evidently, it was ready for him. Yes… Magnus kissed him. It was so soft and gentle, as though Magnus was scared that Alec would break if he forced too much pressure onto him. And at that moment, Alec felt like glass. He could say as many times as he wanted that he was strong and that he could resist Magnus… but he was just like glass. Too much pressure, and he would shatter into a thousand pieces.

And that wasn't fair. Magnus could be gentle all he wanted, but he'd already smashed Alec's heart into a thousand tiny pieces. And what? Now he was back to play with the pieces? No! Alec would not allow it. Any feeling that might have existed in the kiss vanished, and Alec simply recognized then that it really was just a touch of skin.

"No," he said firmly, pushing Magnus away and standing up. Magnus looked shocked, but Alec refused to take anymore of Magnus' bullshit. "Leave. Now."

Magnus didn't resist. He stood up and looked Alec hard in the eye. "I'm not giving up-"

"I know," Alec interrupted. "But I already have. Now go."

And that was that. Magnus walked out, quietly closing the door behind him. Alec took a few deep breaths before moving closer to the door. He paused, and then opened it again. Unlike Magnus, Alec took the time to gather his strength and slam the door shut as hard as could.

-Break-

Sometime later, Alec walked into the library, hoping to find his sister. She was there with Jace and Clary, no doubt talking about Alec's dream. He waited for a minute before coughing. They all jumped when they saw him lurking. Isabelle stepped forward.

"Alec, we just want to let you know, we won't ask you any questions about your dream." Alec doubted it as soon as he heard it, but Isabelle looked honest enough, so he accepted it.

"Of course," said Jace. "If you're not going to tell us anything, you're going to have to take us out."

"Take-"

"Alec," said Isabelle. "We've gotten used to the timezone, there's no work for us to do, and we've still got half of a day left to enjoy. So show us around the town."

"You've already seen a lot."

"Yeah," said Clary. "When we've been working on this case. We haven't been doing anything for fun."

Alec looked at their faces, but, surprisingly, they all looked like they meant it. "I'm not your tour guide."

"For tonight you are," said Isabelle. "And we want to go somewhere."

Alec looked at Izzy, have one of those silent conversations where he'd silently beg her to let it go. In return, she would silently say, suck it up and do what I say. There was never a time when it was different. Alec sighed. "Fine."

Isabelle smirked and the other two got up. The four of them started to head towards the door, but Alec stopped them.

"Hold up, guys, I'm having an epiphany."

He vaguely remembered Ziyi telling him something. He was supposed to do something. Evidently, it was something important. He knew because he'd forgotten it, and he always forgot the important stuff. He was… supposed to… go… get…

He snapped his fingers as he remembered, and he turned to the other three.

"I can't go out with you guys," he said and they immediately started protesting. "Sorry! Ziyi already gave me something to do-"

"Alec, I think it can wait," said Isabelle. She wasn't smiling, though Alec could see the humor in her eyes. He tried to keep a straight face as he looked at her, but they both knew they would crack up eventually.

"If you guys want to come with me, fine," he said. "But we'll be picking someone up along the way."

At this, Isabelle raised her eyebrows, but she said nothing. Clary was the one to ask, "Who is it?"

Alec had already started to walk away, but he turned back when Clary asked him. He hesitated, and then said, "A female friend of mine."

-Break-

"Is she here yet?"

"No."

"Can't we just leave?"

"No."

"Seriously, someone else can get her-"

"No."

Alec was the only one of the group to be somewhat patient. He was leaning against one of the walls of the airport terminal. The three of them were waiting impatiently for this woman to show up.

"If I didn't know you were gay," Isabelle had said quietly to him. "I'd guess this person is another one of your-"

"Whoa!" Alec stopped her. "Izzy, don't even go there."

"Okay," she agreed. "I know, you are too gay for that."

"It's not… I've just known her for a long time."

She let it be after that, though she was still looking suspicious. They returned to waiting in silence (Jace's annoying questions were simply ignored after a while). Alec was keeping an eye on the terminal doors as well as the flight screen. Where was it? He knew she'd said she would take plane… a flight from Spain… had just come in.

Alec stood up straighter, eyes fixed on the doors now.

"What's up?" Izzy asked, noticing his new sense of urgency.

"I think her flight just came in," he told her, and instantly the whole group brightened. Alec heard them talking in the background, but he didn't pay much attention to their conversation. It wasn't that this woman was more important than his family, but he didn't have the patience to listen. Maybe once they knew the truth about her, they'd want to cancel their plans to go out. Alec was kind of hoping they would, as his happy mood was fizzling.

And as he was musing to himself, a strangely tall woman with bronze skin and a wild mess of brownish red curls stepped through the terminal doors, wearing a simple tank and jeans. Alec blinked, and then stepped forward.

"_¡Hola!"_ he called out to her. He made sure to smile as he did, and he received a bright flash in return, followed by a tight hug. He always remembered how joyous Mireia always around him. He supposed she would hate him more if she knew the truth.

"Alec," she said warmly as she pulled away (Alec was quickly making sure he didn't have any hair in his mouth; she was so tall). _"¡Te extrañ__é__ mucho! ¿Qué hay de nuevo?"_

"_Nada. ¿Cómo estás?"_

"_Bíen, gracias," _she said with a smile. Alec then turned to the other three, who looked very confused at the greeting.

"Mireia," he said. "_Esta es Isabelle, Jace, y Clary, mi hermana, hermano, y su amiga."_

"Alec," Jace interjected. "You're going to have to change your language setting back to English some time soon."

"You guys, this is Mireia," Alec said. "She's a shadowhunter from Spain and she'll probably be staying at the Institute for a while."

"_¡Tango gusto!" _said Mireia, before frowning slightly in confusion. "_¿Hablas Español?"_

"_Mi Español es malo,"_ Clary offered. Mireia turned to Alec with raised eyebrows. He shrugged absently, causing her to chuckle quietly.

"That's okay," she said. "Sorry about that. I'm Mireia. It's very nice to meet you."

"You too," said Isabelle who stood up to shake hands with Mireia, but accepted a hug quite graciously. "So, you'll be at the Institute for a while?"

"Yes," said Mireia. "I have a feeling I'll just be in everyone's hair for a while, but I had to come and see my… how do you say it, Alec?"

Alec took a deep breath. "Fiancée."

Mireia snapped her fingers. "That's it. I had to see my fiancée."

It had suddenly gotten very quiet around their group. Isabelle was clearly trying to keep her face happy, though it was easy to see she had gotten very nervous. Possibly for Alec.

"Sorry," she said. "But your fiancée is…" she waited for Mireia to answer.

"Miguel," said Shakira, visibly brightening as she said his name.

-Break-

Alec walked along the hallways of the Institute with grim satisfaction. Yes, any plans for tonight had been cancelled by that bombshell. Isabelle was plainly furious at him, though she'd had the heart not to say anything in front of Mireia. They'd all seen Mireia and Miguel's reunion, and they all knew about Alec. It was obvious that every shadowhunter in the Institute knew about Alec and Miguel, and no one was willing to admit it. Alec didn't even know if he was grateful. It was a sign of how low he'd fallen when, after talking with Mireia as though they were the best of friends, he could still sneak around with Miguel behind her back and not feel guilty.

He did try to feel something, but it was hard to feel sympathy for her when he had been hurt so badly. That could be the reason why he was so cruel. Maybe that was why evil people did what they did. They'd been hurt badly in the past so they took their problems out on everyone else. Yeah, Alec could think of a lot of people like that.

"Alec?"

Himself for example. He was such a douche, and he couldn't even bring himself to feel remorse. If he still had a heart, he'd feel sorry about hurting so many people. But it was impossible to feel empathy when his heart was in too many pieces to do so. And it was all because of Magnus.

"Alec."

Alec stopped for a moment, blinking. Then he turned around. "What?"

Magnus stepped closer, looking very content. "Can you come with me for a moment?"

It was because of his current mood and his sexual experience with Magnus that Alec's mind immediately thought of the worst and his eyes widened. He quickly got that idea out of his head, but not before Magnus laughed to himself.

"Goodness, where your mind is at… but seriously, Alec?" he asked, offering his hand. Alec took a deep breath before following him along the hall.

"What is it you wanted to show me?" Alec asked.

"You'll see." Was all Magnus said to him. They walked along in silence, heading towards… the library? Alec wasn't exactly sure. He wasn't positive that he'd even been in this part of the Institute. All the while, Alec was too aware of Magnus beside him. After about five minutes of walking, Magnus halted their walk and opened a side door. Alec was rather surprised; he hadn't even seen the door. It blended in perfectly with the dark walls. Magnus gestured for Alec to walk in.

He hesitated. Only for a minute. And then he walked through the door.

It was very dark in the passage, and right away, Alec was confronted with a staircase. He took them as fast as he could without tripping over his own feet. The only sound the echoed through the stairwell was the sound of Alec's heavy footsteps; Magnus' feet only seemed to brush against the cool metal. After another couple minutes, Alec was about to turn around and ask Magnus where the hell they were going when he found himself walking along a flat landing.

"Keep going," he heard Magnus say behind him. So Alec did.

"You better not be dragging me up here to murder me," Alec called behind him. He heard a quiet laugh behind him.

"Just call me Montresor," Magnus said. "I'd bet some ancient shadowhunter even kept a couple bottles of wine up here…"

"What?"

"Don't ask."

Alec would've asked anyways, but at that point, he literally walked into a wall. "What the-"

"It's a door, Alec," said Magnus. Alec felt a hand reach around him, and he stiffened. But it was only Magnus reaching to open the door. As soon as he pushed to door outwards, Alec was blinded. It took a few blinks, but he managed to get his bearings. And when he did, he was amazed.

Like the Institute in New York, this Institute took the form of an old cathedral. In New York, the Institute looked run down and abandoned. It was in the middle of the city, surrounded by the tall concrete jungle of NYC. Although this Institute was also in the middle of a city, Alec found that here, he had a much nicer view of the City.

He and Magnus were standing very high up on the roof of the Institute, surrounded by spires and statues adorning the roof. From this height, Alec could see the city to the north, the various neighbourhoods packed with people, and, off in the distance, he could see the sea. Everything was enhanced by the view of the sunset. The sky was a hundred different colours, each one of them reflected tenfold in the glittering ocean.

"I'd say it's lucky I found this place," Magnus said from behind him. Alec didn't want to tear his face away from the sight, but he did.

"Definitely," he said.

Magnus took a deep breath, seeming to absorb the view before him. "My apology wouldn't mean that much to you up here now, would it?"

Naturally, the conversation had to return to this. Even the amazing view couldn't help Alec's nerves. Of course, it would be a bit harder to avoid it up here. "No."

Magnus didn't continue for a while. The two of them just stared off at the view. Alec almost managed to forget Magnus for a bit, until his voice interrupted Alec's peace.

"I have an idea."

Alec looked at him suspiciously. He never knew for certain when he was going to enjoy Magnus' ideas. Oh hell, he'd always liked them, but that was part of a time he wanted to forget. He didn't want to remember the time Magnus had suggested Alec stay later… and a bit later… and… he wouldn't let that train of thought continue.

"What?"

"Dance with me," said Magnus. Alec blinked in surprise, unable to completely get his head around it. He just stared at Magnus.

"What?"

"Dance, Alec. I know you've done it before."

"Why do you want to do that now?" Alec asked unsurely (he was a little worried about Magnus' sanity). Magnus shrugged and tugged at Alec's wrist.

"Seems like the perfect place," Magnus said decidedly. He pulled Alec closer so that they were standing face to face. He pulled Alec's right hand up to join his own, and he placed Alec's other hand on his shoulder. Alec could feel the blush on his face. This was… oh! Alec froze completely when he felt Magnus place his hand on Alec's lower back. He could feel his fingers shaking.

"Magnus, I can't-"

"Yes, you can," Magnus assured him. He spoke in a surprisingly quiet voice. There was an almost tender quality to it that only calmed Alec a little bit.

"No music," Alec muttered quietly. Magnus hummed to himself, and then snapped his fingers. Alec didn't see the radio, as it was placed behind him, but he could easily hear the song that was playing. He supposed at this height, there was really good reception.

The song was just starting, before Magnus squeezed the hand he was holding and started to move. It was a very slow song, the intro quite low, and Alec could feel the beat Magnus was gently swaying him to.

_Who would've thought that you could hurt me… the way you've done it? So deliberate, so determined…_

It was a woman's voice that crooned out of the stereo, softly. Alec swallowed.

"You don't have to close yourself off from me, Alec," Magnus said calmly to him. Alec shivered as he felt Magnus' breath brush his face.

"I really don't get why we're doing this," he muttered. Magnus, who was still significantly taller than Alec, pressed his chin on top of Alec's head. Alec felt goosebumps rise as Magnus softly rubbed his back with his one hand.

"It's a moment, Alec. You have to learn to enjoy them."

_Since you have been gone, I bite my nails for days and hours and question my own questions on and on. _

"I bet you don't do that with the other two."

"Magnus-"

"Don't," he said. "Just listen to me. You don't do that with them. I know firsthand what it feels like to be hurt over someone, and I've gone to someone else for that kind of help before."

Alec scoffed. "So how many flings have you had since we broke up?"

_So tell me now, tell me now. Why you're so far away… when I'm still so close. _

"I honestly haven't," said Magnus. "In the past though… I know the feeling of needing someone. And it doesn't have to mean anything to me… it's just nice to be with someone."

"That's not how I feel," Alec said instantly. Magnus didn't respond. He didn't believe that, and Alec didn't want to tell him differently again. "Does it really matter if I care about them or not?"

"Of course it does," Magnus said seriously.

"Because," Alec said before Magnus could continue. "They love me. I can't count the times Miguel has told me he loves me. Same with Haal."

"I know my conscience isn't nearly the size of yours, but isn't there something wrong with that? Even if you're just thinking about yourself, there's no point in being with someone if you have absolutely no feelings for them."

"Don't judge me," Alec said firmly.

"I'm not, Alec. It's just that-"

"Yes, you are. You don't have that right. You've done stupid things as well. You can't judge me!" Alec's head had somehow slipped downwards, and he found himself screaming at Magnus' chest. After his fit, the cool tears made themselves known on his face.

_You don't even know the meaning of the words, "I'm sorry." You said you would love me until you die, but as far as I know you're still alive, baby. _

"At least you know it's stupid," Magnus murmured. He quietly pulled his hand up and brought Alec's head closer. Maybe he'd seen the tears, as he let Alec rest his head on Magnus' chest, tucked away beneath his chin. "You're right that I shouldn't judge you. I've made mistakes too, and I don't want you to make them too."

"You want us to get back together," Alec mumbled."

_You don't even know the meaning of the words, "I'm sorry." I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart. _

"I'd rather you be happy," Magnus said into Alec's hair. "I'd rather you feel good about who you are. I know I'm not the most moral person, and I can't judge you. You should even try your best to make sure you make none of my mistakes."

"Go figure," Alec said, even more quietly than he had before.

"Honestly… I would leave you alone and never bother you again if I knew you were happy with someone else. But, I can tell you're not. I can see it in your eyes that you're carrying so much sadness with you... and if Miguel and the weatherman don't make you happy you shouldn't string them along."

"No," Alec said, more firmly than he'd known he could. "You're only saying this to get me to fall for you again."

_I tried so hard to be attentive to all you wanted. Always supportive, always patient… what did I do wrong? _

"No," Magnus said quietly. "If you really wanted me gone, and I knew you were satisfied with one of them, I'd back off. I wouldn't try to ruin what you had with that person if it's what you wanted."

"And you don't think I'm happy now, so you won't leave?"

"Something like that," Magnus spoke softly against Alec's head. "I can see that you're not happy, and I want to make you smile like you used to. I missed everything about you… and if I can get that back…" Magnus didn't bother to finish that sentence.

_I'm wondering for days and hours. It's clear, it isn't here where you belong._

"So… what are you saying?" Alec asked, truly confused with where Magnus was taking this conversation.

"Well, I'm wondering what you say," said Magnus, and he moved his head so Alec could look up at him. "Give a guy a chance?"

_Anyhow, anyhow I wish you both the best. I hope you get along. _

Alec froze. "Are you asking me out?"

"I'm asking you to go somewhere with me – just somewhere we can enjoy ourselves – as friends, so you can consider giving me another chance."

_You don't even know the meaning of the words, "I'm sorry." You said you would love me until-_

"Turn off the music," Alec said abruptly. Magnus instantly obliged.

"You didn't like it?" Magnus asked. Alec paused before looking right into Magnus' eyes.

"Like you said, this is a mood. That song didn't fit with the mood… and I really hope you don't play it when we go on this date - as friends."

AN: BAM! I finished it. After another ridiculously long wait, I have updated! Yeah, be amazed.

So, a lot happened in this chapter. I want to clear up any possible confusion that might arise: next chapter, Alec and Magnus will be going out (AS FRIENDS). Oh, and Miguel is engaged.

As it happens, I also have a few assignments for you. Firstly, the Spanish. I know I messed up somewhere. Please don't be mad or offended or whatever; just tell me if I'm wrong so I can fix it. There are two other things I want to ask you. You can choose to pick either of these questions, but I'm going to ask you to answer at least one if you review.

1) At one point in this story, Magnus mentions 'Montresor'. Just read that quick exchange and tell me what Magnus is talking about. Also, see if you can sort of get how that source hints something about this story.

OR

2) There is a song playing during that last bit, and if you know what it is, tell me (hint: the chapter title). Also, this is also a small hint, but it's something that's already happened. So this story started six years after City of Glass; what do you think the song indicates happened in that time?

You don't have to answer that "what does this hint" questions. If you know what Magnus is talking about or what the song is, just say that.

Best answers will be mentioned and I'll post the answers next chapter. Because there will be another chapter because I have finally gotten to the good part!

Thanks everyone who has reviewed, favourited, or subscribed so far. It means so much. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	11. Ma belle erreur

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 10: Ma belle erreur

"Believe it or not, I do have your best interests at heart and I don't want you screwing yourself over."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are. You're dating an engaged man! What's even worse is that you're sort of friends with his fiancée. How does that not get to you?" Izzy gave Alec another sceptical glare. "Does that not get to you at all?"

Alec sighed, knowing that Isabelle would be going at this for a very long time. That day had been very long and eventful, and, as it turned out, Isabelle had gotten to talking with Mireia. After getting to know her pretty well, it seemed that Isabelle had been granted full rights to be furious with Alec.

It wasn't as though it didn't get to him. He's felt so guilty the first time he met her. Alec remembered how he'd spent nearly every night for three weeks with Miguel, and suddenly he had a fiancée. That had really gotten to Alec. It shot through his core knowing what he was doing. It was the one time he had known what he was doing with Haal and Miguel was wrong and he told Miguel he wanted to end it. Miguel was the one who convinced him that he shouldn't be worried. It felt so wrong, but Alec just let it keep on going. And now, after years of sneaking around Mireia's back, Alec was now over most of the guilt that came with this territory.

"It does, but…" Alec sighed, unable to finish one thought today. "I can't even bring myself to feel guilty about Haal and Miguel, Izzy. Did you really think this was going to be different?"

She stared at him, stunned. "Do you honestly feel that way? Because if you do, I don't know you at all."

Alec winced at her words. "I don't know how I feel. Sorry, but that's the truth."

Isabelle closed her eyes, as though she was trying to clear her head. "Have we had that conversation about how I don't know the person you've become now?"

Alec frowned, mocking consideration. "I think so… maybe… I'm not sure. Probably not, but I see where you're coming from."

"Okay."

Alec sighed as she turned away from him, busying herself in the paperwork in front of her. Yes, he did know where she was coming from and he understood completely why she should be upset. He could barely connect with her anymore, despite several attempts at trying. Maybe he'd been fooling himself for the past few days. He'd thought they were reconnecting, but maybe he was wrong. It was almost ironic. As his relationship with his family was falling apart again…

"Magnus asked me out," Alec said plainly. He wasn't sure what reaction to expect from Isabelle, so he was sort of surprised when she jumped in shock.

"Are you serious?" she asked him sceptically. He nodded and she said, "Alec, that's… wait, what did you say?"

Alec smirked slightly, keeping her in suspense for a few seconds before he answered. "I said yes, but only as friends."

Isabelle snorted, though she was starting to look happier. "Bull. But I'm glad you're going out with him again. Where are you going?"

"I don't know," Alec said honestly. He wanted to ask, but a part of him was too scared to go up and ask Magnus about it. It made it feel more real. It was much easier to pretend he was ready for this date if he didn't think of it as real. In his mind, it was nothing more than a fantasy. He tried to remember it as a dream. He had dreamed Magnus had asked him out. Thinking like that calmed him down until he remembered that it wasn't a dream. He really was going out with Magnus tomorrow night… as friends.

But was it really? Magnus would probably spend the entire time trying to get Alec to fall for him again. If Alec was feeling particularly weak, or if Magnus pulled out some alcohol, he would fall for Magnus again. Alec was truly terrified to admit it even to himself, but he knew that he could fall in love with Magnus again if he let himself. He wasn't entirely sure if he was even over Magnus at all, and he was so scared of finding out if he did or not. He wanted so desperately t cancel it, but a part of him still wanted to do it. And it was too late to back out anyways…

"Say you and Magnus get back together," Isabelle started, but Alec could almost see where that conversation would go right away.

"We won't get back together."

Isabelle frowned at him. "It's a possibility, Alec. Don't give me that look. You know it's true. If you do get back together, what will you do about the other two?"

Alec sighed. He didn't want to think about it, but he knew what was right. If he did fall for Magnus, which was likely, he would have to let go. Whenever he thought about it, it was Haal he felt sorry for. It was partially why he was still dating Haal; he wasn't sure what would hurt Haal more, having Alec treat him cruelly for about a quarter of the time they were together or breaking it off with him once and for all. Either way, Haal deserved better.

"I'll probably end it," he admitted, though he took that moment to look Izzy hard in the eye. "Though I'm not going to fall for Magnus if I can help it."

He received nothing but an incredulous silence from Isabelle, which he let be. He didn't care what she thought of this now. After a few minutes of silence, Isabelle spoke.

"At least you don't have the sunburn anymore," said Isabelle. "That would be really hot for your date."

"It's not a date."

To that, Isabelle gave him a sceptical look. "Do you honestly believe, that Alec?"

Alec scowled. It was like she was reading his mind!

"No. But I won't let it get that far. You can count on it."

-Break-

Alec hit the ground. Hard. Right on the huge, growing puddle. It did not help that a huge wave of water immediately landed on him, soaking him in all the places the puddle had missed. He spat out the water in his mouth, absently thinking about the various diseases he could get from drinking this water.

He'd done a lot of thinking about Haal and Miguel since Magnus had asked him out. He was thinking of this… outing as some sort of test he had to prepare for. He was wondering how he would feel afterwards, not totally sure whether he would fall for Magnus or not. Would Magnus really leave him alone? Or would he continue to try to get close to Alec? And then of course, what if Alec couldn't help himself?

He couldn't imagine it. Being with Magnus again… Alec didn't even know if he could go back to the way they'd been before. All the memories of their previous dates together, conversations; all of it felt so unreal now. That was what was getting to Alec. He'd spent five years trying to get over Magnus and forget about the time they had been together for. Alec had no idea what he would do if he accepted the option to go back to all of that. He didn't know if he could go back to that.

Magnus was right, in a way. Alec wasn't completely happy, dating Haal and sneaking around with Miguel. On the other hand, Alec had always been happy with Magnus. Even when Magnus was slowly pulling away from him, Alec only had to imagine that he was still close to Magnus or that Magnus still loved him, and he felt happy and satisfied. Maybe happy was overrated. Alec didn't need to be happy, as he'd experience firsthand how hard you fell when it ended. And he knew that it would end at some point. Regardless, happy was over. He didn't need it to live.

That was all Alec needed. He just had to feel his own pulse, slow while he thought to himself or fast with adrenaline after a fight. Feeling emotions, now that he did not need.

He didn't have to get upset at Haal, who was laughing his ass off at Alec, who was now soaked to the bone. Alec glared at him.

"It wasn't that funny."

Haal was still chortling as he walked over. He at least had the heart to help Alec to his feet. "Come on, Alec. You look like a wet rat."

Alec huffed and rolled his eyes, not annoyed in the slightest. He actually preferred it when Haal wasn't acting totally smitten. It made him seem less… well, Alec at least had the heart not to think pathetic, because it certainly wasn't that. "Oh, shut up."

"Fine, fine," Haal laughed. "I'll grab you some towels."

Alec was shaking his head to try and get the water off when Haal came back up again. Alec heard the laughing and decided to jump at Haal. It was a fast motion, and Alec grabbed him, hugging him tightly and getting Haal soaked in the process. Haal was still laughing, and he managed to tell Alec to get off. Of course, Alec had hugged him willingly, so Haal wouldn't refuse it. Alec eventually pulled away to get one of the towels Haal had brought up. At least they were still dry. Sort of.

"You know I love it out here," Haal called to him. "But if this wind keeps up, we're going have to go in."

Alec moaned. "It's not that bad."

"You're soaked," Haal said flatly. Alec raised an eyebrow, causing Haal to roll his eyes. "I won't have you freezing out here."

"You keep me warm," Alec said firmly. It wasn't seductive in any way, but it wasn't a playful joke. It probably was just so he could stay out on the boat for longer, but Alec was finding himself more willing than usual to be kind to Haal. Haal looked surprised, but they both knew that he wouldn't last long.

He came over to Alec and wrapped his arms around him, letting Alec tuck his head beneath Haal's chin. It really was a lot warmer… and if he turned his neck in just the right way, he could still see the mid morning sun glittering off of the water.

Alec tried to imagine himself just staying with Haal. It could be like this… for how long though? That was the thing; he could never think too far ahead with him and Haal. It just ruined whatever Alec felt at the time, because he couldn't really think about staying with Haal for the rest of his life.

"Just wait," Haal mumbled softly into Alec's hair. "Now we're both going to freeze to death out here."

"What a shame." Alec placed his chin on Haal's chest and looked up into his eyes, grinning.

"They're right. Only the good die young," Haal said sadly. Alec snorted, starting to laugh as much as Haal had just been. Haal frowned as Alec started giggling like a maniac. Alec couldn't help himself, burying his face in Haal's neck. "Ouch, Alec."

"No," Alec tried to explain, thought it was hard when he was still laughing. "You're good, but me…" and Alec erupted into another fit of giggles.

"Alec," said Haal, shocked. "You're a good person-"

"No, I'm not," Alec insisted. At least he'd stopped laughing, but he couldn't keep a smile off his face. "You're a good person, Haal. I just hope you don't die young."

"Alec," Haal said firmly. "Neither of us will die young."

"Ooh, we're naughty boys-"

"Hey!" said Haal, laughing with Alec now. "We won't die young _and_ we're good people."

"Well, well, look at you Haal. Honest, kind, sexy, brilliant," Alec said as he pulled away from Haal to lean against the rail. He turned back to look at Haal. "And modest."

"How much do you wanna bet there's a law against drinking while boating?" Haal asked Alec. Alec rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he said overdramatically. "Take the boat in… and we will mysteriously find a case of vodka in the cabin."

He heard Haal laughing as he headed over to the steering wheel. "Seriously, Alec, do you want to head out to a bar tonight?"

Alec felt something deep inside him twinge with guilt. "I can't. Family thing."

"I understand," Haal called. Alec was feeling a lot more guilt now, and he had to remind himself repeatedly that it was _just as friends_. He was not going on an actual date with Magnus. _He wasn't. _

Alec walked up to where Haal was situated. He carefully took in the sun reflecting off of his wet hair and skin, and Alec wondered again what would be so wrong with being with Haal. He knew that he had his reasons, but he didn't want to feel them now. He wanted to get in a good mood so he'd be ready for a long night of _refusing_ Magnus. Because he would refuse him.

So Alec stepped a little closer to Haal and started singing.

"_Come out, Virginia, don't let me wait. You Catholic girls start much too late." _

Haal turned, smiling, though he did look as though he thought Alec was crazy.

"_Oh, but sooner or later it comes down to fate. I might as well be the one."_

Haal laughed and sang: "_Well they showed you a statue, told you to pray, built you a temple and locked you away."_

As he sang, he pulled Alec's wrist and spun his around, eventually dipping close to the ground. Alec found himself clinging to Haal to keep himself from falling. Meanwhile, Haal continued the verse.

"_Aw, but they never told you the price that you pay, the things that you might have done…"_

And together:

"_Only the good die young."_

-Break-

"You showed." Magnus sounded surprised. Alec sighed, forcing himself to look up from the floor.

"I told you I would." The sun was setting now, casting a faint orange glow over the front steps of the Institute. That added to the fact that he had been worrying in his room for the past four hours was making Alec very restless. He carefully took in Magnus' appearance; there was plenty of glitter involved, along with a bright array of cool colours, which contrasted noticeably with the sun. Magnus took in his appearance now, smiling.

"And here I was reminiscing about those old sweaters of yours," he said. Alec rolled his eyes.

"I haven't worn those in ages," he said dryly. He could've easily predicted the smirk on Magnus' face when he said that, but he could see that that genuinely surprised Magnus. Not that Magnus was complaining about the blue jeans and three quarter sleeved shirt he was wearing. "So where are we going?"

Magnus grinned. "I remembered you preferred when I kept things simple, so it's just a picnic." Alec actually grinned, raising an eyebrow. Magnus nodded, showing him the basket he'd been hiding behind him. Alec chuckled.

"A picnic? How unoriginal."

"Don't mock it yet," Magnus insisted playfully. "I haven't even told you where we're picnicking."

Alec sighed. "Okay where are we picnicking?"

"Now that's a surprise."

"Magnus-" Alec began, trying to explain that he didn't want to put up with a ton of Magnus' bullshit tonight.

"Alec, please, you just have to wait for a little bit," and with that, Magnus pulled him over to the courtyard on the left side of the Institute. Alec huffed when they stopped, already getting annoyed.

"What-"

"Alec, we're not having a picnic here," Magnus said. "If I had to pick such an _unoriginal_ idea, I get to choose where we're going."

"You could still tell-" Alec tried to say, but Magnus turned at him, placing a finger to his lips, then turned towards the courtyard wall and began chanting something. Alec sighed, looking around to make sure no one was looking. He already knew that no one would be looking, but he felt the need to distance himself from Magnus a little more. After his morning outing with Haal, he was feeling more and more uncomfortable about this thing with Magnus.

After a minute or so, Magnus turned around. "It's done."

Alec turned to look at him, only to blink at the sight of the portal Magnus had conjured up. Alec opened his mouth, then closed it, not knowing what to say. Eventually, he said, "Where is it? Hawkesbury valley? Parramatta? Cabramatta?"

"You know," said Magnus. "That I am much more unique than that." He gestured with his hand for Alec to come closer. As soon as Alec was right beside him, Magnus grabbed his left hand and placed something in it.

Alec frowned as he looked down at the… well, he didn't know what it was. It was small and wooden, so the closest he could get was a toothpick.

"Now Alec," said Magnus. "You have to hold that in front of you, and when I tell you to, drop it."

"Why?"

"Because I am going to do some tricky multi-tasking." With that said, Magnus took Alec's other hand and held it tightly. He turned to look at Alec, grinning. "Ready?"

"Maybe."

And they stepped towards the portal. Alec felt the world rush by him as the portal swept him up. He felt the familiar sensation of falling, although this time it was accompanied with a bit of worry; he had absolutely no idea where Magnus was heading. Out of nowhere, he felt blast of warm air hit him and, suddenly, he really was falling. He heard Magnus shout something, and Alec remembered just in time to drop the piece of wood. He shut his eyes, afraid to look where they would land-

He hit the ground with a loud thump. It reminded him of when he'd fallen earlier that day, when he'd fallen onto the deck of his boat and he'd set the whole thing rocking. Well, as soon as he hit the ground now, he felt himself being rocked. As though he was on the water…

He glared up at Magnus, who was sitting cross-legged on the other side of the small boat.

"What. The-"

"Alec," Magnus said softly. "Look around."

He did. And he was amazed. He and Magnus were sitting on a small wooden gondola in the middle of a long, winding river. It shimmered in the soft light of the sun (which was barely managing to penetrate through the cool mist that covered everything), reflecting the emerald of the foliage around it. The river itself was calm, and he could see tiny fish moving within, darting away as soon as the boat got too close. Alec turned to his left to see a large patch of bushes beside the river… and an alligator sitting beneath them. He was in too much awe to wonder about the strength of the boat.

And then there were the hills… Were they even hills? They looked like mountains, except they were far too small to be mountains. They were like huge, jagged, moss green teeth extruding from the ground.

And it was breathtaking. Alec couldn't help but be stunned by his surroundings. He sat back in his side of the boat, and forced himself to look away from the scenery.

"Where-"

"We're on the Yangtze River, in China. This area is part of the city Guilin, though the city itself is a little way up the river."

Alec grinned. "You didn't like the other continent we were on?"

"Are you saying you don't like this?" Magnus asked with raised eyebrows. Alec laughed quietly, unwilling to break the calm silence that hung over the river.

"I love this," Alec said calmly. "Thank you."

Magnus smiled too. "I'm glad you like it." And suddenly the air was thick, and Alec felt that compulsion to move closer and closer to Magnus. "Oh! We can't forget the food," Magnus said, and the moment was quickly broken.

Magnus placed the basket in front of Alec, who moved forward to look inside before Magnus could actually take it out. Alec didn't know what he'd been expecting, but when he saw what was in the bag, he looked up at Magnus with a shocked look on his face. Magnus just shrugged.

Alec closed his eyes. It was Magnus. What else should he expect?

And so, Alec reached in and pulled a fully prepared, piping hot dish of food from the basket. He could easily recognize the dish he had selected; _Niupai ganguo_, or griddle cooked beef steak. He breathed in the delicious aroma, staring hungrily at the pieces of meat mixed in with vegetables and noodles. He was tempted to just dig in, but he waited for Magnus to hand him the fork before attacking the dish. At first, he was simply amazed by the delicious flavour. After a few bites, he was able to recognize, his culinary experience kicking in, the tastes of chili, cassia bark, and fennel, all a part of the spicy steak that he would not have been able to get back in New York.

He'd finished about half of his meal before he looked up at Magnus, who was alternating between looking out at the water and eating his own meal of _Zongzi _(Traditional Chinese rice pudding) at a much slower pace. Alec mimicked him, looking out at the beautiful scene around him. This was the kind of thing he'd be sacrificing if he settled for Haal.

Damn… there were so many things that were wrong with that sentence. But it was true. He'd be settling for Haal, accepting that the best date he could offer was a trip to the beach or a very elegant restaurant. Well, there was always the boat. And, of course, that challenged everything Alec had solidified since he came to Sydney. He loved going out on the boat with Haal, but with Haal, everything else was planned out, predictable. Unlike with Magnus, he would never be taken somewhere completely random for their dates. A date with Haal would probably remain on the Australian continent.

"Can I ask you something?" Alec said, breaking the silence. Magnus turned to him, nodding. Alec opened his mouth to continue, but froze as he saw the dim sunlight glinting in Magnus' eyes. Alec took a deep breath… and chickened out. "Were you born in China? Or somewhere in Europe…?"

Magnus paused before answering, as though he knew Alec had meant to say something else. "No," he eventually said. "I mean, I was born in Spain."

Alec blinked in faint surprise. "Oh."

"I'm not surprised you'd think that," Magnus said. "This place does suit me," and with that said, Magnus whipped out an oriental fan. He placed it just below is eyes, fluttering flirtatiously. Alec smiled, unable to help himself.

"So you've been here before?" he asked casually.

Magnus grinned as he pulled the fan away. "A few times… each one better than the last." Alec carefully lowered his eyes again, feeling a slight blush staining his cheeks, though he had no idea was he was even blushing. "It's my turn to ask a question," Magnus said.

Alec looked up, ready for anything.

"Have you slept with the weatherman?"

Except that. Alec looked out at the water, his face fully red now. "I really don't see why you need to know that."

"Curiosity," Magus said simply. He waited, Alec's blush only getting worse. Eventually, Alec realized Magnus wasn't going to give up on this answer, so Alec simply nodded his head once.

"My turn," Alec said, still awkward and blushing from Magnus' question. "Did you honestly know I was in Sydney?"

There was complete silence. Alec looked up at him, confident that most of his blush was retreating. Magnus didn't exactly look angry, but he didn't look pleased with the question.

"I had no idea where you were," Magnus said firmly, looking Alec in the eye. "Isabelle simply came to me one day and insisted that we go to Sydney, Australia. She just said she thought we'd find a lead there. We didn't have anything to lose, so we went there."

There was a heavy pause before Alec spoke.

"I saw him." Magnus frowned in question. "Celior," Alec confirmed. "I saw him."

Magnus looked as though he'd been frozen. He simply stared at Alec for a moment, then said, "Why didn't you say anything? We could have-"

"Magnus," interrupted Alec. "It was in a dream."

Magnus looked confused, but Alec interrupted him before he could speak, deciding that he didn't want to talk about it.

"Can we talk about something else?" Alec asked, keeping his voice neutral, but silently pleading for Magnus to let him change the topic. Thankfully, Magnus obliged, and proceeded to tell Alec of Chairman Meow's ("Yes, he's still alive.") latest excursion. Within minutes, Alec was laughing, all weight seemingly lifted from his shoulders. He laughed in all the right places, and when Magnus was done, Alec proceeded to tell him the story Aaron had once told him as to why there was no cat at the Institute in Sydney. By the end of that, both of them were laughing like idiots.

"Most older shadowhunters I've met are total bores," said Magnus, who was trying to get himself under control. "But that man is something else."

"Yeah he is," Alec agreed, laughter infiltrating his voice. Magnus hummed absently, grinning.

"He's married, Alec," Magnus chided. Alec snorted. "What? That doesn't matter to you?"

When Magnus asked that, all his previous thoughts of Miguel and Mireia popped back into Alec's head, and he felt the familiar chill of guilt creep back up his spine. Magnus evidently had seen his discomfort.

"It's awkward again, isn't it?" Magnus asked, and Alec confirmed it by nodding. Alec looked back down, noticing his dinner, still unfinished. Alec picked it up and started eating, even though it was cold now, simply so he would have something to do with his hands.

"You know I don't mean to make you feel awkward-" Magnus began, but Alec really didn't want to have that conversation.

"Magnus, I'm sorry. It's not you, really. I really appreciate everything you've done," he said in a rush. He took a deep breath after he said it. Magnus didn't seem to mind being interrupted. He just smiled, letting Alec know that it was okay to feel awkward, and that Magnus really didn't want to make him feel that way. And Alec smiled back, because he did feel safe with Magnus. He felt good.

Or at least, he did, until Magnus said: "Alec, you have sauce on your face."

Alec blinked and tried to get it with his tongue, attempting to lick it off. Magnus tutted, reaching out to get it. But Alec didn't want Magnus touching his face.

"No, Magnus. I can get it!" Alec insisted.

"Alec, just let me wipe it off-"

"Don't!" Alec shouted. He stood up to try and make sure Magnus couldn't reach him.

Stupid. Move.

The boat wasn't ready for Alec's sudden movement, and it jerked violently as he stood. Alec waved his arms, trying to regain his balance; Magnus shouted for him to stop moving; finally, it gave. With a small moan, the boat flipped, sending Alec and Magnus into the water. Alec found himself submerged by water. He reached out, pulling himself up until his head reached the surface. He took a huge gasp of air.

"Magnus?" he called loudly. He couldn't see him. Alec swore loudly, kicking desperately to stay afloat.

Needless to say, the water was absolutely freezing. It occurred to him that China was in the northern hemisphere, where it was still winter. He swore again, trying to kick even though his shoes were still on his feet.

"MAGNUS!" he screamed, panicking now.

"I'm right here," a voice said behind Alec, and he lashed out with his arms, spinning himself around. Magnus was treading water behind him, makeup somehow still in place. His hair was another story though, deflated from the water.

"I'm so sorry," Alec gushed. "I tipped the boat-"

"You don't have to worry," Magnus assured him. "I should've invested in a sturdier boat anyways."

Alec nodded in agreement, quite willing to let Magnus take the blame for this one. Suddenly a thought occurred to him.

"Magnus, there are alligators in this river."

"I know," Magnus said. "It looks like we'll have to leave early." He reached out and grabbed Alec's hand. "Do you trust me?"

Alec blinked.

"Alec-"

"Okay! I trust you."

"Good," said Magnus. He pulled Alec closer. "You're going to have to hold your breath for a long time, okay?" Alec nodded in response. Magnus counted to three, and then they dove under.

Alec was trying his best to push himself downwards and hold onto Magnus at the same time. He looked around at the river, barely able to see anything. He noticed something a few feet away from him… something that looked bizarrely like a swordfish. He shook his head, knowing that only Magnus would find them a river with alligators and swordfish in it. He continued to push himself downwards, but he was running out of air.

If they didn't go up soon… yeah, that was a really bad thought. Alec squeezed Magnus' hand tighter, and he shut his eyes. His lungs felt like they were expanding, and they hurt like hell.

_Please, Magnus…_

"Alec!"

Alec took a huge breath, gasping as the cold air hit every part of his body. He gasped for a moment, completely lost, then looked around. They were standing on a city corner, cars moving by. Somehow, Alec thought it was just instinct, he knew they were back in Sydney. They must have been gone for a long time, because the air was much cooler, and the sky above them was black.

And then Alec realized that he still felt wet. He looked down at his sopping clothes, then up again at the sky. It was pouring rain. It was coming down so heavy, Alec hadn't even realized they weren't actually underwater anymore. He took another deep breath, and then turned to his right.

Magnus was there too, still holding his hand, and equally soaked. "Come on," he said to Alec. "My hotel's just up the street."

Alec nodded and started to walk alongside Magnus. Their hands remained clasped.

Within a few minutes of silent walking, they came upon a huge hotel entrance. Alec's eyes widened, but Magnus just pulled him forward, determined to get inside. The front of the hotel seemed to be made of glass, and Magnus was able to pick out the door handle and open it.

Alec immediately felt the difference in the air, still cold, but it was the mechanical breeze created by air conditioning that filled this place. Alec looked around the front hall.

It was surprisingly modern looking, with a grey tiled floor, and walls that looked like the outsides of marina houses. The whole room was diffused with bright white and blue lights, from where Alec wasn't able to tell. Ahead of him stood a grand staircase, sleek, grey and skeletal. To the left, another smaller staircase led up to an area that was partially concealed by curtains. Looking around again, Alec wasn't surprised Magnus had chosen to come to this place.

Magnus pulled him up the grand staircase, heading left at the top, which led them to a long, dim hallway. It took them a little while to get to Magnus' room, but eventually, Magnus stopped, saying, "This is it."

He hastily pulled the room card out of his pocket (How had that stayed dry?) and let them in.

The room… wasn't even a room. It was more of a loft. Immediately greeting them was a large cupboard, wooden, and as they turned left, Alec saw the living room. It was oddly chilling, with white walls and dark blue couches. The room itself was complete with a dining table, office desk and flat screen TV. At the opposite side of the room, there were long windows that stretched the entire way across. When Alec took a few steps into the room, he saw that the ceiling opened up, and there were two skylights above him.

"You should probably take your clothes off," Magnus said from behind him. Alec spun around, shocked at his boldness. Magnus snickered, saying, "Well, you're soaked to the bone. Just leave them to dry on one of the chairs and I'll get you a robe or something."

Alec nodded then, though he waited for Magnus to walk back along the hall, and turn right along another passage. As soon as he was gone, Alec pulled his shirt over his head, and quickly took off his pants. He didn't even bother to check if there was anything in the pockets, knowing that they would be soaked beyond repair or use. He waited for Magnus to come back down before taking off his underwear.

Magnus came back down after a few minutes, carrying a long robe with him. He tossed it to Alec, who felt the need to check it to make sure there was no excess of glitter on it.

"Don't worry," said Magnus. "I already altered it. It's plain enough now."

Alec smiled, partially from Magnus' assurance, partially because he'd finished his check; the robe was nothing but blue. He hastily put it on, becoming aware that he was shirtless in front of Magnus. Even when he had the robe on, he was hesitant to take off his underwear. He squirmed for a moment, awkwardly, before deciding he could suck it up. He carefully slipped them off and placed them on top of his pants. He then looked over to Magnus, who was naked from the waist up. He'd slipped on a pair of sweatpants.

"Thanks," Alec muttered, blushing slightly. Magnus smiled.

"It was no problem," said Magnus. He gestured for Alec to go and sit down on the couch, which Alec did. Magnus followed behind him, and sat down beside him. Alec noticed that a TV remote was sitting beside him, and he picked it up with a glint in his eyes.

"Do you mind?" he asked Magnus.

"Go ahead," he said. Alec grinned, but before he could turn the TV on, Magnus continued, "Do you want to stay the night?"

Alec froze then, very unsure of himself. He turned to Magnus and simply muttered, "Huh?"

Magnus shrugged, saying, "Well, you and your clothes are soaked, and it really is getting late."

"Huh."

"You know," said Magnus, stretching out his legs and leaning back on the sofa. "Sydney is actually about four hours ahead of Guilin anyways. I get that you might be confused by the sudden night."

"Huh," Alec said again, closing his eyes for a moment just so he could regain his bearings. Magnus was asking him to sleep over. Uh… Alec's mind went numb at the thought. He needed… to leave. But Magnus was right; his clothes were soaked. What was he going to do? Borrow Magnus' clothes? No. No, as long they slept in two different rooms, Alec was going to be okay. But first…

"Could we order room service?" he asked Magnus suddenly. Magus blinked in surprise.

"Really?"

"Well," said Alec, a little annoyed now. "You dumped half of our dinner in the Yangtze river. Don't blame me for being rather hungry."

"I didn't dump it in the river," Magnus said, looking rather amused as he strode over to the desk to grab the room service menu for Alec. "You stood up in the boat. Everyone knows you're not supposed to do that."

"Who the hell knows that kind of thing?" Alec asked as he took the menu from Magnus and reviewed the options.

"Haven't you heard the story about the fisherman who stood up in his boat when he had to go?"

Alec looked up from the menu, disbelief plain in his face. Magnus nodded seriously.

"Peeing while standing in a boat is a serious issue. Thousands die from it every year-"

"Fine! I won't order room service!" Alec shouted, feeling slightly sick from the conversation. Magnus was smiling, as though he couldn't help it.

"Alec, darling, you can still order room service. I was just telling you-"

"Uh huh, sure. You just don't want me to order something you have to pay for in the end."

Magnus chuckled, though he denied it. Alec rolled his eyes, also laughing under his breath. "Are you sure you don't want to order?" Magnus asked him again. Alec nodded.

"Although I will be using your shower," he told Magnus, who raised his eyebrows before directing Alec along the hall and up the stairs. Alec found the shower easily enough, and shooed Magnus away quickly so he could shower in peace.

Alec looked at himself in the mirror. He actually looked… healthy? Was that the right word? His face seemed to be glowing in the dim bathroom lights. His hair, finally cut properly, looked enchantingly black, glittering like a hundred onyx strands. He couldn't put his finger on what looked so different. Perhaps some part of his brain was trying to compare it to how Alec had looked before. Now that Alec had gone out with Magnus and was laughing and bantering with him again, he was trying to see the similarities between this self and the self that had gone out with Magnus five years ago. Because how different could they really be?

Alec slowly removed the robe and let it slide to the floor. He had to take a few deep breaths before he let himself look in the mirror this time. No, he didn't look different. And yet… he was an entirely different person.

Alec didn't like it. Well, he didn't like not knowing who he was. He wanted to know immediately when he looked in the mirror… but he was too different somehow.

He stepped towards the bathroom sink, which had an array of cupboards in it. He rummaged through them, finding about a hundred different types of eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, glitter, among other items. In the last drawer, he found candles, matches, and a small stereo. With a sigh, Alec pulled all the items out of the cupboard. Maybe this was Magnus' own relaxing kit. And even though he was using someone else's bathroom, Alec needed to relax.

He slowly lit the candles, which both let off very fruity aromas. He then proceeded to turn on the water, sprinkling flower petals in it that he'd found beside the tub. He waited for a few seconds, then switched on the stereo. A single gong echoed throughout the bathroom, then a few strange notes. Alec held his breath for at least fifteen seconds before the strange melody continued. It was a beautiful, enchanting song that reminded him of civilizations and people that had lived thousands of years ago.

There. He turned off the light bulbs hanging over the sink, and slipped in the now full tub. He had Magnus' own relaxation kit in full use now, and he was going to take advantage of that.

He wasn't going to waste all the hot water worrying and panicking about Magnus. He was going to enjoy the hot water, the aromas, and the music.

After all, if you couldn't use their bathroom to relax in, what good were ex's for?

-Break-

He did not fall asleep in the bathtub. Of that, Alec was certain. Yes, he had closed his eyes, but he had been fully awake for every song that played on the stereo. He had noticed every time the scent of the candles changed. He suspected that they were enchanted, because he wasn't quite sure how candles could go from smelling like fruit, to pine trees, to roses, to vanilla, to sandalwood, and to about a hundred other scents. The music had changed too, going from mysterious, to warm, to welcoming, to seductive, to tragic; Alec felt he had experienced an entire lifetime within the music, from birth to death.

And he had been reincarnated again when he opened his eyes to see Magnus leaning against the door. Unwilling to let go completely, Alec shut his eyes again and leaned back. He heard a rustle of movement, and then a brush of air against his ear.

"If you wanted to sleep in the bathtub, all you had to do was ask." Alec smiled dully.

"M'sorry," he mumbled. He felt a rush of air as Magnus laughed quietly.

"Don't be," Magnus whispered to him. "Why don't we get you out of here?"

Alec felt something disturb the water, and the sound of the music was penetrated by the sound of the bathtub being drained… oh. Well, the water was getting cold anyways. He still heard Magnus moving around, and after a few moments, he noticed the scent of the candles was getting fainter. What the heck?

After about thirty seconds, the scent was gone, leaving nothing but the after effect lingering in the air. Alec frowned at the loss. After a few minutes, Alec heard the sound of the music slowly leaving. He moaned quietly in discomfort.

"It's okay," he heard Magnus murmur from some distance. Slowly, Alec felt arms wrapping around him. Without protest, Alec let himself be lifted from the tub, and onto a soft fabric. A towel maybe? It felt good as it was rubbed against his wet skin. As soon as that was done, the same arms lifted him up and carried him somewhere. Alec had no idea where he was being taken, but he didn't care anymore. He just didn't…

And he felt himself being laid down on a bed. It was a very soft bed. The sheets were very soft too, Alec acknowledged as he was slipped under the covers.

"There you go," a soft voice said from above him. Out of nowhere, a soft pair of lips pressed themselves against Alec's forehead. Alec hissed at the feeling; it was as though he was being burned. The lips retreated… but Alec didn't want that!

"Magnus," Alec said, more coherently than he'd thought himself capable of. He opened his eyes and found Magnus standing by the side of the bed. Only half of his face was illuminated by the dim candlelight. Alec took deep breaths as he reached out. "Stay with me," he commanded.

Magnus looked uncertain. "You should sleep…"

"No." Alec reached out, feeling the burn spread from his forehead to the rest of his body, searing his skin. He grabbed Magnus, probably on the same spot he'd grabbed when they were in the Yangtze River. This time however, he was much more aggressive when he tugged Magnus closer. Alec drew Magnus very close to him. "Not yet."

Magnus looked into Alec's eyes, as though asking if he was sure. To show his answer, Alec grabbed at Magnus' chin and kissed him.

It was everything he was used to feeling with Magnus, except this time, he was burning up with fever and passion and pure lust. The kiss was so intimate and fiery; Alec let his tongue sink deep into Magnus' mouth, and he moaned at the contact. Magnus wrapped one arm around Alec's back, and the other gripped Alec's thigh as he pushed Alec backwards onto the bed.

Alec wrapped his thighs around Magnus, determined to get that warm warlock as close as he could.

But he shouldn't… why was he… Alec knew that…

He was done worrying. He was going to shut up and feel something for a change.

So, knowing he would come to regret this, Alec pulled Magnus close to him, ready for a long, hot night.

-Break-

The rain was coming down in buckets over the streets of Chinatown. Deimus de Neige watched the rain attacking his window with blank eyes. He'd been reading an ancient copy of a spell book written by an old Chinese emperor, but the patterns of light created by the falling rain caught his attention instead. After a few long hours of staring out the window, the thought occurred to him that he should probably bring the lawn chairs in from the balcony. So, he stood up and turned, only to find himself face to face with Demetri Celior.

Demetri was a frightening boy when he could be. There was a manic energy in his eyes, something that often chilled Deimus to the bone. It didn't help that the boy had the Devil's Mark burned into his forehead.

666. The number glared at Deimus with contempt.

"D-Demetri," stuttered Deimus. "You're much later than I thought you'd be."

Demetri smiled. "I'm so sorry, Deimus. My business in Bulgaria took much longer than expected."

"Everything is g-going according to p-plan?" Deimus enquired nervously. Demetri smiled and nodded.

"The fortress will be ready and built in a few months. By that time of course, he will need to be contained. And we will have the means of doing so."

Deimus nodded.

"Are they here?" Demetri enquired. Deimus nodded. "And Alexander Lightwood?"

"He was with them. He's been in Sydney for years, as it would seem-"

"I'm already aware of this," Demetri said, annoyed. He strode around Deimus, taking in the cluttered apartment. "What did they think of you?"

Deimus chuckled nervously. "They think I'm a m-mad old warlock who doesn't know his hocus from his p-pocus."

Demetri nodded grimly before turning back to Deimus. "You know what to do now."

Deimus swallowed, but nodded.

"You cannot ruin this, Deimus," said Demetri solemnly. "If Alexander Lightwood is harmed before I can get to him, rest assured my master will punish you quite severly." Demetri let his threat dangle in the air over their heads, paralyzing Deimus.

"I understand," peeped out Deimus. Demetri smiled then, as though he enjoyed watching Deimus in such discomfort. He strode over to the golf trophy they both knew Alec had touched. Demetri sighed as he placed his fingers where Alec had placed his.

"Alec…" murmured Demetri. He looked up then, at a mirror that hung on the wall. With a wave of Demetri's hand, Alec's face appeared in the glass, the same way it had when the group of shadowhunters had visited. Demetri sighed at the image, his fingers caressing the image of Alec's soft skin. After a moment, he turned to Deimus.

"They're at the Blue Hotel, the wharf at Woolloomooloo." Deimus nodded. "Go," Demetri instructed.

Deimus nodded, turning to his right to pull something out of an old boot. It was a long, flint dagger.

AN: Holy shit, that was almost 8 000 words. And I'm not even done the author's note yet. So, I've got a lot to say and I'll try to be quick about it.

1) A funny thing happened when I was writing that scene with Haal and Alec. Originally, I just put it in because I thought this chapter needed more than Alec and Magnus. I was right, but when I was writing this scene, something happened: I started to have fun. Alec can angst about his feelings for Magnus all he wants, but this thing he as with Haal is fun for me to write about, and I'm getting conflicted over Alec's feelings now. AH! Tell me what you think about this, please.

2) The song used in that scene was _Only the Good die Young_ by Billy Joel. I am in love with that song, and I felt like dancing while I was writing this scene. I'm trying to learn the piano riff for this song, but it is friggin' hard.

3) Last year, in my Mandarin classes at school, our teacher had us invest about half the year in a project that basically revolved around us researching various Chinese cities. One of these cities was Guilin. Seriously, my words cannot capture the beauty of this place. Google it, please. You will be amazed too. I just wish I had a boyfriend who could take me on dates to China.

Also, the food Magnus and Alec ate are common, well-known dishes served in Guilin, China (I think). Google these too. I got hungry writing about them.

4) While I was writing this scene, I just looked up Chinese music on Youtube. Seriously, these Chinese people have some beautiful music. I just let that play in the background while I was writing this, and it really fits.

5) I was interrupted in the middle of the date by some art history homework that had to be completed. It was on the art of ancient Egypt, which got me thinking of some sexy Malec poses. I'll try to draw them and show them to you guys. It also got me playing some beautiful Egyptian music in the background. Look up "Meditation Music of Ancient Egypt" on Youtube. It has 9 parts to it, and it is about an hour long (ALEC TAKES LONGER BATHS THAN I DO!). This is seriously some amazing music, and I took some of the comments posted there to heart when writing that bit about the music.

6) I really wanted to write a Malec lemon, but it's 11:30 as I'm typing and this story was already over 7 000 words. I'll try to include one later on. But hey, tell me what you guys think about this. Is it too soon? Is Alec being an idiot? Or a manwhore? TELL ME!

7) The Blue hotel is a real hotel in Sydney. It got great reviews online, and it was rated as one of the best hotels in Sydney. I highly suggest you look it up online. They offer a virtual tour of the hotel. If you do look on there, Magnus has the "Ultra Loft" suite. It's got a nice big bed for the two of them to roll around in. I kind of want to go to this hotel. I was tempted to put in a scene about the bar or the pool when I saw them on the virtual tour.

8) Right at the end of that scene where Alec pulls Magnus onto the bed, the music changed from beautiful Egyptian music to Ke$ha's latest song, _Blow_. I don't know what happened, but the mood really changed for me. Let's just say those weren't ordinary candles. Yep, they seem to have gotten Alec very hot and horny.

9) I hope you guys like that bit at the end with Demetri and Deimus. Let's just say these boys are giving us quite a bit of angst for the next chapter.

10) I know I've told you guys what songs I'm listening to for these last couple of chapters, but I really want to hear what you guys think would make a great background track for every chapter. At the very end, I'm gonna post a huge soundtrack with two tracks per chapters, and I want to hear what you guys have to say. So please, tell me what's playing in your head when you read this.

And for my little challenge, thanks to akazia022. You were right on both counts. The "Montresor" reference was to The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allen Poe. The song was Illegal by Shakira. I appreciate hearing your opinion, and I'm glad you looked it up.

Everyone else, akazie022 raised a good point: The explanation of the Malec breakup is kid of unreliable, as there's only Alec's POV. Well, I can tell you now that the first part of this story (Renaissance) is only going have four more chapters. So, I can assure you that at some point between then and now, I'll explain what really happened from both Magnus' and Alec's point of view.

Thank you so much if you just read all of that and I really hope you guys review. Thank you everyone who has so far. Please review!

Enjoy!


	12. Tuez les innocents

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

AN: I feel compelled to put this here. I just want to warn everyone of some foul language in this chapter. Kiddies, do not repeat anything you read.

Chapter 11: Tuez les innocents

The world was made of silk. Alec breathed in the soft surface, so grateful that it was warm. The soft sheets covered his entire body, leaving him quite content. The arms that wrapped around him also felt like silk. They were so soft against his bare skin, and they offered nothing but warmth to his body. Alec was falling in love with that feeling.

The smell of Satsuma wafted around him, only making him feel happier and sleepier. God… he was so tired. As the smell made it's way his brain, he also felt another twinge in his stomach. It was… lust. He needed to be close to someone. And that was where the arm came in. He smiled to himself as he let the warmth from the arm radiate throughout his body

But was that what he really felt? Alec shifted slightly, and everything changed.

The silk was freezing. Alec's body may have been running a very uncomfortable fever, but the silk sheets began to feel like ice against his skin, and pulling them closer only made it worse. He tried to move closer to the body laying beside him, trying to get warm, but the body was too warm. It was like lying down in a bonfire, when the heat from Alec's body was no more than that of a lit match.

Alec opened his eyes and slowly pulled away from the arm, letting it fall back down to the bed. He was in a small bedroom, a railing at one side. Alec looked up at the slanted ceiling, seeing the moonlight from above shining through. That's funny, he thought. It had been pouring before. Alec shook his head, as though shaking it could order his cluttered thoughts.

He looked back over at the bed, seeing Magnus lying there. That had been the warm body. Now, the sheets only came up to Magnus' shoulder, but Alec knew that Magnus was just as naked as him.

And Alec was disgusted as he remembered what he'd done. He had caved. He had fallen for Magnus, and thrown caution to the wind. He had offered himself up for Magnus, and, of course, Magnus had taken him and used him. Alec hated Magnus for doing that (for doing _him_), but he hated himself more for wanting it and asking for it and taking it.

Still feeling disgusted, Alec quietly but quickly walked down the stairs and back out to the living room. Where were his clothes? Oh, he'd put them on the chair. Alec felt them to make sure they were dry. They were a little damp, but they were dry enough to last him a walk back to the Institute. He pulled on the damp clothes in the darkness, feeling a shiver as the wet material covered every part of his body. Well, after last night, he deserved to freeze. Even though it was summer, it would still be chilly at night. As he past the stairs, Alec looked up.

_Why, Magnus? Why did you let me do this? _Alec rushed to the door, opening it quickly and stepping out. As he walked out, he couldn't help but shut the door with a little force. Aware that Magnus might have heard it, Alec started to run back along the hall. He rushed down the hallway as it slowly turned into a blur. It was almost as if he was detached from his body. It was someone else's body that ran along the still lit hallway, shaking with sobs.

-Break-

If the hallway wouldn't let him keep crying, the night would. As Alec stepped out the front doors of the hotel, the chill of the streets around him forced upon him the chill of the salt water falling down his face. It was as though small pieces of ice littered Alec's cheeks. And that only made Alec cry harder. He put his face in his hands, hating himself for his mistakes.

And as soon as he could catch his breath, Alec began walking down the streets, letting himself cry as he walked. He thanked God that Sydney was so much quieter in New York. At whatever-it-was in the early morning, the streets of Sydney were mercifully quiet. Yes, there were cars on the road, but not as many as there were in the day, and not enough to illuminate the tears streaking down Alec's face. One way these streets compared to New York was how no one could give a damn about the young man who was sobbing as he walked along the street.

How could Alec have been so stupid? He felt like such an idiot. It hadn't been Magnus' fault this time. Alec had initiated the act, and now that his mind was clear, Alec couldn't understand why he'd been so stupid. He knew what Magnus wanted, and he knew that he still had some feelings for Magnus. But he also knew that he was already playing two guys. He knew that he was a total ass these days. Why had he gone and done something so stupid?

A thought struck Alec then, as he considered how Jace had seemed distant from Alec ever since the four of them had come to Sydney. Alec knew then that he had changed. It had taken five years and the return of his siblings for him to realize that he had changed into a sick, sadistic, bastard. He took people for granted, used them for his own pleasure, and then what? He'd told Haal he loved him out on that boat yesterday, and then? He'd gone out with Magnus and, to add a cherry on top, he slept with him. Alec was a horrible person, and a part of him knew he would be punished for these mistakes tenfold. If not by someone else, then Alec would punish himself.

For, after whoring himself out to Magnus, what was Alec supposed to feel? Was he supposed to feel all mushy, like he'd been reunited with Magnus after all this time? No. He felt like a dirty slut.

He couldn't put his finger on exactly what was making him cry. Maybe it was knowing that he had become a real whore since he came here. But he also knew that, if he had to choose between Miguel, Haal, or Magnus, he would choose sex with Magnus. And he felt so guilty for using the other two, because neither or them knew how immediate or definite that decision was. Haal didn't even know Magnus existed. So how was it fair that the moment Alec had the opportunity, he found himself kissing every part of Magnus he could reach.

Magnus at least could've stopped him. But no, he'd let Alec continue on, _graciously _accepting Alec when he offered a blowjob and accepting Alec's offer when he offered up the rest of his body for Magnus to use. It was bullshit! Magnus had used him. Alec had offered himself up, like a slut. But Alec had wanted it just as much as Magnus. Then what was wrong?

It was guilt, plain and simple. Alec let the memories of Haal flash by his eyes. Talking, laughing, singing Billy Joel together; there was so much good feeling that came with Haal and all of those memories. So why wasn't it enough for Alec? Why did he have to cheat and sleep with other men to feel something?

What if he had to choose between Haal and Miguel? Alec had been offered multiple times to choose, and he simply refused to make the decision. He let it slide by, thinking that there would always be other chances. And now that he was offered the chance to forget both Haal and Miguel, and to be happy again with Magnus, what would Alec choose then? He didn't know. He didn't want to deal with Magnus and all the emotional problems that came with him.

He could run. And at that thought, the tears stopped falling from Alec's face. He had run once already, and where had that gotten him? But no… the idea of running was soothing. It offered a world of possibilities in which Alec could leave behind all of his worries. And this time, he would not make the same mistakes. He would not offer his heart or body to anyone else. If he was approached by anyone, he would refuse, because love, lust, and friendship were all feelings to be taken for granted. Alec would waste more opportunities, and he would break someone else's heart. Maybe he would even break his own again.

It was pathetic, the idea of running from his problems. It made him look like a total chicken, but Alec's mind was already buzzing with the thoughts of running. He could run to China, some place where Cantonese was spoken by all of the people. He wouldn't exactly blend in there, or anywhere in Asia for that matter, but it was a start. And if he went to China, he already had the prospects of finding some sort of culinary job in a city. Or he could retreat to the rural countryside, and find some sort of work at a farm.

Or he could run away to Spain. He spoke enough Spanish to live there, and he could again find an assortment of possible jobs. Yes… he would go to Spain first. Get himself started up. But of course, anywhere in Europe was far too close to Idris. So he would slowly make his way farther from Idris. He would have to start close though… from Spain, he could go to Italy, or Germany. He would have to find somewhere to learn either language, but he was prepared to if it meant he could run. If he went through France and to Italy, he could take a boat to Greece or Turkey. Another matter of learning languages there, but he was prepared to. That route south could take him… well there was another problem. The farther south he went, the more Alec looked foreign.

If he decided to stay around the Mediterranean though, he would have to invest in a tan or something. And he could wear contacts, and let his hair go wild with curls. But for someone who hadn't given much interest to clothing and appearances for all of his life, the idea of constantly having to change his appearance to blend in seemed too tiresome.

Now if he went to Germany, he could slowly make his way north. This was the riskier route, as it would take him closer to Idris. But if he made his way through Poland and Belarus up to Russia. Now there wouldn't be a problem with how he looked there. He knew that he was treating the matter of learning these various languages with too much lax, but he had confidence he could learn to adapt. And anyways, Russia was huge. He wouldn't bother learning multiple Russian dialects, but he could just learn the official language. And once he had done that, he had all of Russia to hide in.

He didn't even have to be Alec Lightwood anymore. He would go by Sasha, not Alec or Alexander… and then he simply had to find a surname to hide behind. This time, no one would find him.

"Alec!"

As soon as the voice penetrated Alec's silence, he found himself split into two separate entities. There was his body, which kept on moving at the same quick pace. And then there was his mind, which refused to listen to anything Magnus may have said. He was too broken to let anything break him anymore tonight. He couldn't do it. His heart was already in a million pieces, so how was he supposed to defend himself? He just wanted Magnus to go.

But… if Magnus accepted that, would Alec even have the strength to watch him go?

With that thought in mind, Alec stopped walking and turned to look at Magnus. He looked very ruffled, as though he'd just grabbed jeans and a T-shirt as soon as he woke up to find Alec gone.

"Why-" Magnus began, but he saw Alec's face, and at that moment, they both knew it.

"How could you do this?" Alec asked him, anger causing his voice to shake slightly. He watched as anger infiltrated Magnus' poker face.

"You wanted it," he said bluntly, truthfully.

"You should have stopped me." And Magnus should have. It would've spared Alec all this pain. It would've saved him the trouble of running away again. Alec really hoped Magnus didn't speak Russian.

"Why can't you just accept this?" Magnus asked, frustrated. "You know you'd rather be with me than anyone else. Why do you insist on running away from me_ every time_ _we get close?_"

"I can't be close to you again," said Alec solemnly. He looked Magnus straight in the eyes.

"Alec, I love you," Magnus said, shattering Alec's nerves completely. Now Alec really wanted to run. "Now I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me."

Well that was impossible. It was impossible to look away from Magnus bright eyes. It was impossible to get anything out, because Alec's voice seemed to have vanished entirely. And, even if his voice was working, it would have been impossible for Alec to have said that he didn't love Magnus. Because he couldn't say he loved Magnus.

Alec's mouth just hung open, unable to say anything. After a moment, Alec shut his mouth and his eyes, determined to at least gain some grip on his emotions. He was nowhere near ready to confront his feelings for Magnus, and no amount of friend dates could change that. What Magnus had done… was irreversible. Alec heard footsteps.

He opened his eyes to see Magnus stepping backwards away from him.

"Don't think you can run from me, Alec," he said, still firmly, but softer this time. "I will get an answer."

Alec just stood there, unable to say anything yet. He had to turn away and start walking then, just so he wouldn't have to see Magnus walking away. And as Alec walked, he let the tears fall down his face.

Everything would have turned out differently then if that moment had simply continued. Alec could've kept on walking, kept on running, and he would be in Russia within a few months. But that was not the case.

For, as Alec walked, some unknown force hit his side and sent him flying. He cried out, loudly, as he was flung out into the middle of the street. Not for the first time, he thanked God that this wasn't New York. The lack of traffic had probably saved Alec's life.

"ALEC!" he heard Magnus shout. Alec looked up at where the force had come from. And he was shocked at what he seemed.

"Deimus," Alec murmured, recognizing the warlock they had spoken to… weeks ago. The warlock had seemed crazy. Maybe this proved it.

"Kill the Lightwood boy," Deimus said in an eerie monotone. Alec's eyes widened, trying to remember the harmless man they had met weeks ago. He couldn't see that now. All he saw was a man hell bent on murdering him.

"Not a chance!" shouted Magnus as he sent a bright blast of blue flame at the warlock. Deimus deflected, only barely, Alec noted. Maybe there was a chance he could be stopped easily.

Magnus sent another bout of magic at him, this time a much more solid-looking blue lightening bolt. Deimus deflected again, though he seemed to struggle a bit more with this one. As Alec watched magic of varying shades be exchanged between the two warlocks, he felt something nudge his thigh. He looked down to find a seraph blade strung on his belt. He pulled it out of the sheath he had it in and looked up again. If he could just get the warlock with it… the seraph blade could kill him.

Alec quietly said the name of the blade, then stood up. He slowly moved forward, right as Deimus sent a particularly strong bout of magic at Magnus. Magnus wasn't quite able to defend himself, and sparks from the attack landed on his arm. He cried out in pain, clutching his arm. Alec took that as his cue to attack, and he rushed forward. He just barely registered that Deimus hadn't moved when Magnus cried out:

"ALEC, RUN!"

Alec looked at him in confusion… until he saw the car. He was forced to jump between the two warlocks to avoid the car, which swerved madly at the sight of a man walking around on the road. Alec landed on his back, the blade being forced out of his hand. He looked up straight into the face of Deimus, who held a bolt of magic in his palm. He made to strike Alec with it, but a shower of blue flames shot at him before he could shoot.

Alec took that opportunity to get up and dash around Deimus. He made to attack Deimus from behind, but another force of magic hit him. He was sent sprawling again, but he jumped as quickly as he could. Deimus was facing him, and he held his arm out, prepared to strike. And he did.

The bolt of magic moved slower than the others, giving Alec enough time to move out of the line of fire. He was satisfied with the move for three seconds. When they ended, he heard the cry of agony from behind him. Alec turned to see two things: the driver who had very nearly run him over had pulled over and gotten out. He also saw that the driver had been hit by Deimus' attack. It only took Alec one more second to see who the driver was.

…_the worst luck in the world…_

Haal. No. Not him. Alec reached out, as though he could touch Haal from this far away.

"No," said Alec, the word barely escaping his lips. He didn't know what he would have done then, just that Deimus had taken advantage of Alec's stillness. Alec felt the blow of magic send him flying again. And he hit the ground, rolling for a moment before he came to a halt. Less than three feet away from Haal.

Alec didn't bother to listen to the last few shots beings fired. He knew Magnus had defeated Deimus, but Alec didn't care. He had gotten Haal hurt. He had…

No.

"No," Alec sobbed, for tears were indeed falling. He grabbed Haal's shoulders and shook them. "Wake up!" he shouted, as though that would work.

"Alec-"

"NO!" Alec screamed at Magnus. "Wake up!" he sobbed again, still shaking Haal. Haal wasn't moving at all. His eyes were shut, and Alec had the terrible feeling that they would never open again. He sobbed harder.

"I'm so sorry," Magnus murmured softly behind him. Alec shook his head, knowing Magnus had no idea how much this hurt.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," insisted Alec, as though his trembling words could undo the effect the magic had had on Haal. "He wasn't supposed to know about… any of this."

Alec felt himself overcome with sobs again. Through the blur caused by the tears, Alec could easily see that Haal was either dead or almost there. His skin was pale sallow, and he could see where he had been burned. The black scorch marks ran up Haal's arms and just reached his still face.

"Alec," he heard Magnus say more insistently beside him. "We have to get out of here before someone sees-"

"No!" Alec shouted, desperate. "We can't go- I can't-"

_Can't what?_ Alec wanted to ask himself.

_I can't go on knowing that I killed him. _And that hurt even more, just knowing the truth. He was shaken to the core and heartbroken to know that Haal was going to die because of him… but it hurt even more just feeling the guilt that came with killing Haal. He reached out and gently stroked Haal's burned cheek.

And he suddenly remembered something. He remembered when he had been burned from head to toe, and Magnus healed him. If he could heal Alec…

Alec looked up at Magnus. "Can you heal him?"

Magnus pulled on a poker face at the question. "Alec, I really don't think I-"

"Please," Alec begged. "You have to try."

"I don't _have_ to do anything, Alec. And anyways, he's a mundane! I doubt he can take the magic necessary to heal him."

"Magnus, please," Alec sobbed, looking Magnus straight in the eyes. "For me."

Magnus looked at him long and hard, before saying, "All right. But I won't forget this."

Alec nodded, eager for him to just help Haal. Magnus knelt down beside the body and reached out with his palms. Instantly, blue light began to descend from the tips of his fingers. Magnus quietly asked Alec for a bit more room, and Alec backed off. He watched from a few feet away as Magnus slowly weaved his fingers in an odd fashion, as though he was speaking with some sort of sign language. Alec forced himself to take deep breaths as he watched Magnus healing Haal.

It seemed as though an entire lifetime had passed before Magnus pulled back from Haal and turn to Alec. "He's fine."

Alec could see the effect Magnus' magic had had. Haal looked so much better now, with the burns gone and his skin the right colour again. He looked strong and vital. Alec took a deep breath, then moved to kneel beside Haal as well. After Magnus had healed him, Haal looked as though he could be sleeping.

"Thank you," Alec breathed quietly, and he looked up at Magnus. There was something in Magnus eyes, but Alec didn't have the energy to place it.

Magnus had said he wouldn't forget this, and Alec knew he would end up repaying him. Some part of Alec knew he should be worried about that, but he didn't want to get confused in his own thoughts again. Instead of thinking, or saying anything, Alec simply leaned in closer to Magnus and kissed him.

There really wasn't much to say about it. It was short, sweet, and Alec simply tried to express how grateful he was to Magnus and that he wasn't at all mad at him. Yes, Alec did feel a multitude of other sensations as well, but he just wanted to focus on the thank you. He pulled away after a couple of seconds, turning back to Haal.

"I'll have to take him back to his place," Alec decided out loud, and he ruffled through Haal's pockets as he searched for his car keys.

"Will you be able to?" Magnus asked. "Last I remembered you couldn't even drive."

Alec laughed quietly to himself, and looked up at Magnus. Their eyes met for a moment, and in that moment, Alec knew that Magnus had understood him. Alec smiled.

"I'll be fine."

Magnus nodded. He looked as though he wanted to say more, but the only thing he said was, "I'll see you later then." And he walked off.

Alec sighed, knowing that his situation with Magnus was far from over. He looked back at Haal's vital form. There were no words to describe Alec's relief that Haal was all right. Was Alec happy though? He didn't know. He was still tired. Too much had happened too quickly, and he just needed to calm down and breath.

That being said, Alec lifted Haal up and deposited him into the back seat of his car. Alec got in the front, hoping the drive to Haal's place would be calming enough for the next morning.

-Break-

Alec pushed open the door to Haal's apartment, glad to have made it up here without being noticed. He didn't quite know how he'd explain why he was carrying Haal around like this at four in the morning. He carried Haal into the room, pulling him down the hallway to the bedroom and laying him down on top. As he carefully laid Haal out, he saw him move slightly, unconsciously recognizing the feel of his own bed. Alec smiled to himself at this sight.

He had far too many memories of this bed, which was quite large. He sighed, unwilling to remember half of those nights right now. Instead of thinking, Alec just sat beside the sleeping Haal and play with his hair, gently twisting the light hair of his lover.

Not thinking actually worked out quite well, as after a while of simple silence, Alec looked up at the clock on Haal's bedroom wall. It read 5:02. Alec sighed, knowing that he would probably not get any sleep tonight, and that he really should stay here to make sure Haal was okay.

Beneath him, Alec heard a quiet gasp break the silence. He looked down to see Haal, eyes open. He didn't exactly look awake, as his eyes weren't focused enough to truly be awake.

"Alec," Haal gasped. He looked as though he as drowning, and he was desperately trying to reach out for a lifeline. Alec gripped one of Haal's hands tightly and placed a hand along the side of his cheek.

"I'm right here," Alec assured him softly. "I won't leave you."

But that didn't seem to calm Haal down. He still looked so frantic, and he kept repeating Alec's name desperately. Alec tried to soothe him, but something seemed very wrong.

Suddenly, a loud thud echoed through the apartment. Alec froze. There was no one else in here. Right? He turned to the bedroom door, half expecting someone to jump in. His sense were buzzing with the nerve and anticipation. He slowly stood, taking slow steps toward the door.

"Alec!" Haal shouted behind him. Alec spun around, surprised by the coherency with which Haal spoke. But he was shocked by the sight that greeted him.

Deimus de Neige stood over Haal, a dark blade lined up against his chin. Alec's eyes widened. The warlock didn't even look as though he had been injured recently, let alone killed. At the very most, he looked tired and angry. Well, that kind of darkness might not be _anger_, but determination. Anyone could make that mistake when the determined warlock's goal was murder.

"Shut the door," he told Alec quietly. Alec glanced back down at the blade, knowing he had no choice but to give in. As he tried to close the door while keeping his eye on the warlock, he started coming up with a plan to escape. It only lasted a few seconds, as he looked at the blade that was so close to Haal's throat.

As soon as the door was shut, the warlock beckoned for Alec to come closer again. He did so, wondering if he could grab the blade fast enough to knock it out of his grasp. Alec looked up at the warlock then, staring him straight in the eyes. After a moment, a crooked smile began to form on the warlock's face.

And Haal went flying. Alec cried out, but that was all he had time to do as Haal was lifted up into the air and a long strand of golden light wrapped itself around his throat.

"Don't-"

"I won't kill him," the warlock said slowly. "But only if you do exactly as I say." He waited for Alec's nod before continuing. "Take off your shirt."

Alec froze in surprise, but when he saw the magic tug upwards on Haal's neck, he quickly did as instructed.

"Now lie on the bed." There wasn't any hesitation this time. He kept his eyes locked on the warlock as he moved to stand over Alec. He slowly reached out a hand and placed it on Alec's chest. Alec stiffened at the contact.

There was something in his eyes… he looked as though he was searching for something. Alec strained his ears to listen as he heard the warlock muttering something.

"Well, he wasn't wrong."

Those quiet words were the last thing Alec heard before Deimus' hand retracted quickly and the dark blade plunged into Alec chest; the warlock had been searching for, and had hit Alec's heart.

There was a moment of silence as Alec gasped. Some part of his fading mind thought to look for Haal, but a hand wrapped around his chin, forcing it upwards. A bottle was placed between Alec's lips. Then a wrist. Both times, a liquid trickled down his throat. As the wrist was removed, the face of the warlock looked down at Alec, who continued to stare at him as the life slowly left his body.

"Magnus…"

AN:… hee hee. Well, I've become totally evil now. Don't know if you noticed (Or if it's right), but the chapter title meant "Kill the innocents". I'm not sure if I just did.

I almost feel kind of sorry for this cliffhanger. I wanted to keep going (I would've had to if I wanted to keep Renaissance at thirteen chapters), but something was urging me to leave it be. Besides, you should be happy about this. I updated.

I'm sorry for all the Alec angst at the beginning. He just loves to go on and on and on and on and on and on... but I hope you enjoy this cliffhanger.

See, I'm at a rough point now. The next chapter... wait for it... will have Magnus' POV. AND, the chapter after that will give y'all the whole story of how Alec and Magnus broke up. Of course, we may not have Alec's POV seeing as he dies in this chapter... duh duh duh!

So, this POV thing is hard, and I'm so friggin' busy. I'm working last minute on too many different things, and I don't know how much writing I can even get done. I don't have the time to get myself in the mental state that keeps me writing. Usually I want to finish the next chapter before I post the previous one (ie. I wanted to finish 12 before I posted 11). However, that is not the case here. I'm posting this early because I approve of the response I got from the last chapter. However, if you haven't reviewed and you don't want more characters to die, I suggest you start typing. Sorry, but it's my only feedback and you'd be amazed at how much it helps me.

Here's the deal. My next update will be Christmas. Canadian time (ET). I'm sorry, but I promise it will be worth it. I will update at least 2 chapters of Esperons Inutiles, I will start another multi-chapter fic (unless you think it's too much), and one or more one shots (I get inspired by random things. And I did leave out a sex scene in Esperons Inutiles). And, yes, I will post Pointless, the sequel to Selfish (my first MI fic). I know, it's a lot, but from now to Christmas is a really long time, and I'll have whole days to work on this as soon as I get my break.

So... I hope you guys can wait. Remember what I said about reviews. I really hope you're enjoying this fic.

Lots of love... see you at Christmas.

- Immy.


	13. Chaque rose

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 12: Chaque rose

Summers in Australia were usually quite nice. Warmer than New York in any case. But the two became almost the same when given the rush of city life. Smog filled the air, and the stench of the city ruled. Natural human smells filled the air, good and bad. And so long as Magnus was willing to let go for a few moments, he could simply it back and watch the busy lives of people around him.

He was all too used to seeing humans throw themselves into everything they did, and it was almost amusing to watch people walking down the street (or running) as if their lives depended on reaching their destination. Magnus was content with simply ignoring the bustle of their lives so long as he was able to enjoy his. He stared out at the busy harbour, wondering which boat Alec had often gone on.

He hadn't decided yet whether or not to Alec exactly how much he'd done to try and find Alec. It had been about four years since Magnus had woken up and seen the wreckage he'd created by hurting Alec. And the next years would be spent doing nothing but trying to find him.

He'd heard a statistic once that most people in North America checked their email as soon as they woke up. It was routine. Well, for Magnus, his waking up routine involved a tracking spell, using a T-shirt that had belonged to Alec. It was tattered and black, not bought for him by Magnus, so he knew it would probably work well. But he never found Alec. Asking around amongst Downworlders who were important within the Clave, having other warlocks perform the tracking, spell, monitoring all calls into the New York Institute in case Alec ever phoned home.

Had Alec even called home when he left? It hadn't come up once in their recent conversations, as Alec was obviously ashamed that he'd left his family. Magnus had told him that he'd seen people do much worse when they let their emotions control their actions. Alec would glare at him, then look away. Alec might subtly indicate his shame in leaving his family, but he would never admit how much he'd been hurt by Magnus, save the times when Magnus pushed him far enough.

Magnus sighed, breathing in the air of the morning water. The sun shone down brightly, reflecting the many glitter particles that dusted Magnus' limbs. How could he describe the dread and fear that had coursed through his veins when he'd heard of Celior's threat. There was no way for him to tell Alec that, though he'd had Alec's hurt eyes burned into his memory for years, that threat had scared him more than anything in eight hundred years.

Perhaps he should have left this alone. Five years ago, he'd seen the other route. He could leave Alec, let him go live his life, and no problems would occur. Though Magnus had always been enticed by the beauty of mortals, he knew that it was better not to get too close. It always led to complications and too many sleepless nights.

And they were not sleepless nights in the good way, but the type where he spent hours arguing, and the next day feeling terrible.

Getting rid of Alec was a smart thing to do. Tactless, the way Magnus had done it. But smart.

And too late. Why was it only when Alec was gone did Magnus realize that it was too late for him to just leave Alec? That he was incapable of doing so.

Magnus stared down into the dark water below him. He frowned slightly. What the…

It was as though he could see Alec's face beneath him, shimmering. He tried to call out, but something seemed very wrong with the image. Alec was hurt in someway. As soon as the thought formed, Magnus knew it to be true. But what could he do?

He shut his eyes. Then the thought occurred to him. And he turned and ran back into the hotel.

-Break-

_Alec was floating along a river. He'd been moving slowly for quite a while, but he knew he didn't really need to look at his surroundings. He let himself be absorbed by this surreal calm. _

_He was at peace. There was no worrying about Magnus here. _

"_Alec!"_

_It could never last. Alec opened his eyes to find he was back in Guilin, and he was floating along the Yangtze River. He looked out to see that Magnus was sitting in the same boat they had ridden in earlier. Alec sighed at the memory, remembering how much he really had enjoyed their date. _

"_Why are you out there?" Magnus called. "Get out of the water." His voice was stern, but it was also playful, and he said it with quite a bit of warmth. Alec smiled teasingly at him before beginning to swim closer to the boat. _

_He was only a few feet away when something grabbed at his foot. He cried out as he tried to kick whatever had grabbed him, but it only gripped him harder. _

"_MAGNUS!" Alec screamed. "Help me!" _

_He couldn't see how Magnus reacted, for it was at that moment that he was pulled down to the darkest depths of the river, and he could only look up to see a trickle of sunlight. He tried to look down, but something hit his face. He cried out, although he couldn't make much noise underwater. _

_It was as though something had cut his face. And he felt it again, this time on his legs. He cried out and tried to squirm, but he was trapped. The same thing slashed him over and over, on his chest, his legs, his arms, his back, his face. All the while, Alec was loosing air. He was dying. _

_It felt like hours before the feel of the cutting vanished. And by now, Alec was quite willing to let himself die slowly at the bottom of the river. He couldn't breath, and he knew that he was soaked not only from the river water, but also by the blood seeping out from his body. _

_It would be so easy to die... _

_Alec opened his eyes one more time, and saw a person in front of him. That was all he could say about this person, because as soon as Alec looked at the being in front of him, the details vanished. He closed his eyes, not caring now about this person. He didn't want some stranger to be the last thing he ever saw. _

_And suddenly, something grabbed his jaw. Alec gagged as the water rushed into his throat, along with something long and thin. This thing… it pushed downwards, moving through Alec's body and it was growing inside him and he couldn't move and it felt so, so wrong…_

Let go of me_, Alec felt like saying, but he couldn't, for many reasons now. _

Let go…

Let go.

-Break-

"Let go," Alec mumbled. He lashed out, then slowly opened his eyes. He was in a bedroom. After a moment of thinking, he realized it was Haal's bedroom. He sat up, wondering how the hell he'd wound up at Haal's place.

He… he'd gone out with Magnus. They'd gone to China, Alec had tipped the boat, and they'd wound up having sex in Magnus' hotel room. Alec blushed at the memory, but slowly begun to realize that he couldn't remember what had happened after that. It wasn't like being drunk and waking up with a hangover; if he'd been hung over, there at least would have been a scattering of images. There was nothing. He'd slept with Magnus, fell asleep… and woke up at Haal's place.

Alec shook his head in confusion, then stood up to find his clothes.

Fear. And… and confusion. The blood continued to drip to his body.

Alec tried to take deep breaths. Then he slowly walked into the bathroom. He looked at the floor as he turned to face the mirror. He took another deep breath, then looked at his reflection.

He was covered in blood. He stared with an open mouth at his body, which had turned a deep crimson.

"No…" he gasped. What had happened to him? He looked down at his legs, his arms, and all he saw was blood. Shaking his head and taking quick gasps, Alec hastened to the shower, praying that he could just erase this memory.

He turned it on and stepped under the streaming water. He didn't care that it was freezing; he just had to get it off. Alec wasn't squeamish around blood, but something about this sight…

Shouldn't he have been hurt? Alec wondered this as he scrubbed at the blood covering his arms. It came off easily enough, and Alec couldn't remember being hurt. He supposed it had happened last night, but he couldn't remember getting hurt. He didn't feel hurt. He felt perfectly fine. He wasn't stiff or in any pain whatsoever.

Left with nothing but these uneasy thoughts, Alec hurried to get the rest of the blood off of him. It took a while, but eventually, he decided he was clean. He turned off the shower and got out. Thank God Haal just left the towels out.

Alec tied it around himself, then looked back to the mirror.

Why couldn't he just see his normal face anymore?

Yes, the blood was gone. His skin would have returned to being too pale. But it didn't.

He'd probably been right about being hurt…

Long, red scars decorated his body. They were everywhere, his limbs, his torso, and what scared Alec the most was that they almost formed pictures. Or… marks.

They weren't typical marks. No, he could still see the faint silver runes that decorated his skin. They were just hidden beneath the red scars. Looking at these scars now, Alec could just imagine a knife carving every single one into him.

It was nearly impossible for Alec to try and calm himself down. Confusion and desperation were filling him up and crashing around in his head. How could he think knowing that he had been hurt last night, though he couldn't even remember it. Alec tried taking a few deep breaths, then sat down against the bathroom wall. He pulled his knees up to his chest, holding them close to him. Some part of his brain acknowledged that he shouldn't be acting like this, but he couldn't care anymore.

Alec's head was spinning so fast, and he had to just calm down. He took a few deep breaths, wishing there was a window in Haal's bathroom. After a few minutes of deep breaths, Alec felt himself go calm. Thank the Angel.

And then the knock came. Someone knocked gently on the bathroom door, and Alec froze as the sound echoed around him. He didn't answer right away, instead waiting for the knocker to talk.

"Alec?" It was Haal. Alec immediately calmed down again. It was just Haal.

"It's open," Alec said very quietly. The door opened slowly as Haal looked in. He looked perfectly fine, but Alec felt oddly scared for him. What, so now Haal was in danger? Alec quickly got over the thought and smiled sadly at Haal. He did try to look happy, though he knew he'd failed. He didn't even need Haal's confused look to confirm it. Haal came up beside him, sitting down against the wall. Alec tried to say something, but he was just at a lost for words. Instead of talking, he just leaned against Haal and sighed. Haal seemed to clue in, and he wrapped an arm around Alec, gently rubbing his back.

Did he love Haal? Alec wondered that for the hundredth time. Now that his head was clear (sort of) he could answer it easily. No, he didn't love Haal, and if he wanted to be happy for the rest of his life, it couldn't be with Haal. And knowing that… it would only be a matter of time before he could let go of Haal. It would be much better for both of them if they ended things. But first things first…

Alec needed some clothes.

-Break-

Alec jogged along the pier, anxious to get to the boat. He needed some sort of peace right now, and he knew this would work. As soon as he'd gotten the clothes, he said goodbye to Haal and headed back to the Institute. Only when he'd gotten there, he found that everyone was out. Hunting, Alec supposed. There wasn't even a note left behind, which was an indicator at how pissed Ziyi was for him leaving again. The same with Isabelle, though with her, it was more the problem of Alec constantly vanishing. She was probably dying to find out what had happened on the date, but he had no idea what she thought of Alec not coming home.

After the surprise he'd gotten with the scars and blood this morning, he knew he couldn't take that conversation with his sister just yet. What he needed was a nice long ride out on the waves. If he really felt like it, he could just anchor out in the water and not come home for a second night. It was already 8:00 in the evening.

Unwilling to spend much time thinking, Alec hastened to follow the familiar motions of getting the boat out onto the water. It took about half an hour, but he soon found himself sailing smoothly away from the harbour. He let the breeze caress hi body as he steered the ship onwards.

It was a very nice day, the sun shining brightly all day. The sun was now setting, painting the sky, crimson, rose, citrine, and a thousand other colours that created the beautiful patterns amongst the clouds. And those patterns were created anew, but replicated in colour in the calmly moving waters below.

Alec beheld the sight of the sky with a heavy heart, thinking about Magnus. After spending a few hours with Haal, Alec was really beginning to grasp how much happier he would truly be with Magnus. He hadn't yet ended it with Haal, but he felt no more compulsion to keep it going. He now considered accepting Magnus back again.

Magnus had told him over and over how sorry he was, and Alec could easily tell that he always meant it. He supposed he would just have to be careful with Magnus now. They could go back to being lovers, though Alec would remember not to be so trusting of him. Magnus would have to earn that back.

Alec smiled dimly at this thought.

And then felt his phone buzzing in his pocket.

He frowned as he pulled it out and checked the ID. His heart skipped a beat when he saw it was Magnus. He opened it cautiously.

"Hi."

"Alec, are you all right?" Magnus asked him. Alec's frown deepened at the serious tone of Magnus' voice.

"I'm fine," he assured Magnus. A sigh emanated from the phone. "What's going on?"

"I…" Magnus drifted off. "I don't know. I just thought for a bit there that… that something was wrong. I suppose it was me."

"Oh." Alec really didn't know what to say. Magnus had thought he was hurt? Did he know about the scars? Alec was too disturbed to ask.

"Sorry I bothered you," Magnus said gently.

"You didn't."

There was a beat of silence as Magnus evidently absorbed the words. "How's the weatherman?"

Alec frowned, completely caught off guard by this questions. "Fine… why do you care?"

"Not sure," Magnus said bitterly. "You seemed pretty broken up last night. He really matters to you."

Alec opened his mouth, unsure of where to start. "I don't… I don't know what you're going on about."

"Fine. I'll stop talking about it." There was another beat of silence. Alec was, of course, completely confused by this whole conversation. He closed his eyes, then said:

"Magnus, I've been thinking." He let that settle in for a moment.

"Oh?"

Alec took another breath, then said, "There isn't any chance of Haal comparing to you."

"I should hope not."

"A-and the same holds true for… how he makes me feel." Alec heard a rustle of movement in the background.

"I love you, Alec," Magus said tenderly. And for the first time since Magnus had arrived in Australia, Alec welcomed this knowledge instead of hiding from it.

"I know."

"And you know," Magnus said, "If you want to get back together-"

"I do," Alec whispered. Magnus went completely silent. It was almost as if Alec were speaking to him right there. He could see the way Magnus would close his eyes, a glorious smile forming on his face. And Alec smiled too at the face of his warlock.

"We need to talk about this," Magnus calmly insisted, though there wasn't much force behind it. Alec grinned.

"Tonight?" he asked, trying not to seem like he wanted it too badly.

"Okay," Magnus agreed. "At the Institute?"

"I'll come by your hotel?" Alec suggested. "It'll take a while, but I don't think I'm too far."

"Sounds like a plan," Magnus suggested, a touch of glee prominent in his voice.

"I might be a while," Alec told him. He could practically hear Magnus shrugging.

"I can wait." Alec closed his eyes as the words wrapped themselves around him.

"I'll see you then."

"Bye, Alec."

Alec hung up, though he really didn't want to. He let out a laugh at what he had just done. He was going to get back with Magnus… he wanted to.

He thought about how he had felt only two days ago about getting back together. He hadn't been ready. Well, Alec probably wasn't still ready, but he was now able to see that he did miss Magnus. The thought of getting him back was like a light in the darkness that had shrouded him. Or maybe, the shadows. He had chosen to live in the light, letting it blind him of the truth. But now, he was willing to dim the lights a little and see the truth.

Magnus had crushed him, breaking his heart completely. He had shattered Alec's heart into tiny pieces. And yet… Alec had still cared about him with all the little pieces.

He didn't have to trust Magnus entirely, he knew. He was just rekindling the feelings that had been hidden in the embers of his soul for years. It was nice to know he was loved, but he knew what he needed was a real relationship where he could love back. He wouldn't have to trust him. No… he could make Magnus work for it.

Now that was a nice thought.

Alec chuckled to himself as he moved from his position at the rail of the boat to the wheel, but as he moved, he saw it. The man.

He had probably been there the entire time Alec had been talking to Magnus. He had undoubtedly been on the boat the whole time, as there was no way he could have gotten on the boat while it was in the middle of the water.

Alec patted his thigh to make sure there was a blade there. Thankfully, there was. But as he stepped closer to the figure, a hand was raised in Alec's direction. A huge rush of wind hit Alec, and he stumbled backwards. He hit the deck hard, and he could hear the sound of his weapons splashing in the water.

He looked back up at the figure, trying to see it's face. And the man stepped forwards.

Alec gasped. He knew that face… he had seen it in his desert dream. But… how… why…

"Hello, Alec," Demetri Ceilor said, a smile playing on his lips.

AN: Um... I am so sorry. I wish I had an excuse as to why this is late. Honestly? I wasn't sick. I was just... busy. And lazy. And indulging, which I don't want t o let go of. I didn't quite grasp how busy Christmas really was going to be when I made my promise. That was during a time when I was very busy, and I figured Christmas break would be, well, a break. Turns out, there was a lot to do to get ready for the big day. Second, I've really been goofing off during the time I do have to myself. There have been ads for some paid fic sites around FF, and I clicked one, found a story, and was hooked. I spent another few days solely determined on getting membership to that site. I spent the next few nights (Always around 11pm-4am) reading all the stories on this site. Pretty much... well, I've indulged in this freedom and laziness and I've spent too much time reading, watching movies, and eating chocolate. I love writing, but it is like work for me, and I'm not ready to work hard just yet.

Writing is kinda hard for me. One chapter (take for example, the one above) takes me 2-4 hours. Yep. It's sad, but... I don't know. My thoughts are always better in my head and I have a hard time getting them down on paper.

Well, you have this now. It's a fairly meager offering considering it was due two days ago.

Don't worry, I'm not going to slack off again. I want to finish Renaissance before my break is over, and I'm ready to start working again. I've got the next few chapters planned out, and I should warn you, they're gonna be dark. The chapter right after this... well, I'm not sure if I should actually change the rating to M or not. I'll just warn you now that it's dark.

The song that I had on loop while writing this chapter: Every Rose has it's thorn by Poison. Your challenge is to find me a song that you would play while reading this.

I'll start working on the next chapter, and expect it soon.

My humblest apologies for lateness. I really hope you're enjoying this story.


	14. Les etoilés

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

AN: PLEASE READ THIS: All right, I warned you all at the end of the last chapter, but here it is again: this is a dark chapter. I almost changed the rating, but I've decided to make it as not explicit as possible. There is some serious dark stuff in here, and I suggest you proceed with caution. You don't actually have to read this. The next chapter is gonna state clearly enough what happened, so I'm telling you to proceed with caution.

Chapter 13: Les étoiles

_He looked back up at the figure, trying to see it's face. And the man stepped forwards. _

_Alec gasped. He knew that face… he had seen it in his desert dream. But… how… why…_

"_Hello, Alec," Demetri Celior said, a smile playing on his lips. _

Alec stared up in shock. This really was the warlock they'd been hunting for weeks now. The one who was wanted by the Clave. The one who had promised to harm Alec. Alec tried to scuttle backwards, away from the warlock, but it was as though he had hit an invisible wall. He couldn't move.

"You can't leave me now, Alec," the warlock laughed. He stepped closer to Alec, and Alec fought against the invisible wall to move away. "I just found you."

Suddenly, Celior raised a hand. Alec felt the wind rush over him again, though this time, he knew that it was to make sure he had no weapons. An odd sensation ran over Alec's body, as though he was being tied in place, though he couldn't see any bindings. So long as the warlock kept Alec bound, there was no way Alec could fight back.

"What do you want with me?" Alec growled. The warlock smiled now.

"You don't know how long I've been searching for you." The warlock stepped up beside Alec, and knelt down beside him. Alec didn't bother to fight now, knowing that any efforts would be futile. "So many years I've spent searching… and I finally found you." He reached out and ran his hand through Alec's hair. It felt horrible not being able to pull away, though Alec was at least able to scowl deeply. The warlock chuckled.

"I was really quite flattered when you joined in the search for me. Because you see," he said smugly. "It's usually the other way around. Usually I do the hunting."

Alec was trying to stare solely at the deck, but a firm hand forced his chin up and he found himself staring into the frighteningly dark eyes.

"At least you knew to find me," the warlock continued. "You knew your destiny, and you came to find me. You were so determined to find me, you couldn't even be killed by Deimus."

Alec stared in shock, intending to tell the warlock that he was completely insane, when something stirred in his memory. He remembered leaving Magnus in the middle of the night, and being attacked by the warlock… Haal had gotten hit. So he had taken Haal home and… and… he'd been killed.

"You're crazy," Alec spat out. "I was never looking for you. I only wanted to find you so we could throw your sorry ass in prison! You were supposed to be punished by the Clave! You're insane!"

"And you're immortal," Celior said with a smile. Alec stared at him, lost for words. This warlock really was crazy.

"What kind of lunatic are you?" Alec shouted at him. Lunatic really was a good word for this guy. Nothing he did made any sense. For example, after Alec said that, the warlock chuckled to himself, leaned in, and kissed Alec.

"Mmph!" was all the noise Alec was able to make as he found himself trapped with the man's lips on his. He couldn't even fight back as one of Celior's hands wound itself in his hair. The warlock tugged slightly on Alec's lower lip, eliciting a squeak of surprise out of Alec. And then he pulled back.

Again, Alec found himself staring into those dark eyes. He refused to let himself be scared by this man, so he glared with all the hatred he could muster. And the warlock smiled.

"Only you, ягодка."

-Break-

Magnus stared contemplatively out of his window, simply considering the dying sunlight as it glinted off the water. He was waiting. Patiently. As he would be continuously as he waited for Alec to show up.

Magnus looked back, further into the hotel room where the door was, as though looking at it would make Alec knock on it. He glared a little harder at the door. Still no Alec. Magnus slammed his head back against the couch. Why was he acting like a love struck little girl? Alec would show up when he was ready. Magnus didn't have to angst over it until he got here.

He didn't doubt that Alec would show up. He didn't. He wasn't going to start pacing.

Magnus sighed, knowing there was one thing to do. He stood up and started pacing.

What was wrong with him? 800 years old and he was getting all nervous at the thought of seeing Alec again. Pathetic. But… it really did matter. He knew by now that he couldn't lose Alec again. The hurt he'd felt after realizing that Alec was really gone had been too much. He could not screw this up.

Magnus sighed and flopped back on the couch.

He didn't know how it had gotten to this. He'd had too many experiences like these, falling for a human. Falling too hard for a human. Hadn't Magnus learned by now that love came and went as regularly as the tide? Why did he choose to become so attached to Alec?

Magnus could recall his past days with Alec with incredible ease. He'd remembered every moment they spent together, from what they said, to when Alec blushed, and every moment when he saw within Alec true feeling. He genuinely enjoyed his time with Alec. In the short time they spent together, he felt himself falling for Alec, in a way that would last for quite while. Was he in love with Alec? Sure, that was a nice label to put on his feelings, but he didn't need it.

Sometimes that got him in a bit of trouble, but he couldn't help it. Magnus didn't really care what his feelings were. He didn't need to be able to document every feeling he'd ever had towards a lover by a certain title. It made it easier, but still. Magnus knew what he felt, and that was all he needed.

Thankfully, Alec had understood that (though Magnus had the feeling it was simply because Alec was too uncertain of his own feelings to even bother contemplating Magnus'). So they loved each other. Magnus could still remember those times when Alec wondered what would happen to them; him being mortal and Magnus being immortal. And Magnus smiled at the memories that followed, where he brushed away Alec's worries like troublesome flies.

Magnus frowned slightly. This was true completely, he knew. He had a feeling Alec would admit it too is asked. So what had changed to make Magnus so… enh, _helplessly in love_. He rolled his eyes at the phrase, and he called up the night when things had started to change for him.

-Break-

If Alec could only fight back, he'd be safe from this warlock. He'd be able to fight back against him, and if there wasn't any hope of beating him, Alec could always just jump out into the water. If luck was on his side (it had to be once in awhile) he'd be safe from Celior's magic.

But he wasn't safe. He was bound by invisible ropes as the warlock pushed him onto his back. He leaned over Alec, keeping his face only inches away from Alec. He winced as Celior pressed his mouth against Alec's again, and Alec felt long fingers on his chest, gliding downwards from his collarbone. The warlock pulled back slightly, admiring Alec's still form. Then he grabbed Alec's shirt.

Alec gasped as it was torn from his body. As the chill of the evening air attacked his torso, it began to dawn on him what Celior intended. "No! You can't-"

"Mолчание," Celior said firmly as he placed his hand on Alec's chest. Alec closed his eyes and turned his head, trying to place just a little more distance between himself and the warlock. He wasn't having that.

Alec's head was jerked forward again, and he saw the warlock smirking at him as his probing hands explored his body. They ruffled his hair. They wrapped themselves around his neck, though they never squeezed. They made their way along his arms, feeling Alec's biceps. One dark hand found Alec's nipple, and grabbed it. Alec cried out in surprise, and he found himself gasping as both hands began touching him.

The warlock laughed at Alec's responses. "I can tell you like this, Alec."

Alec scowled in response. He managed to pull his legs up, making sure they kneed Celior and pushed him away from Alec.

"_Alec, wait! Please!" Alec ignored the pathetic cries coming from behind him, and he continued to walk along the dark streets. He heard the frantic footsteps behind him. He almost wanted to laugh. _

_A few seconds later, Haal reached him, stepping in front of him and blocking Alec's path. Alec tried to step around him, but Haal grasped his shoulders and held on firmly. Alec simply glared up at him. _

"_Please just let me explain-" Haal started, but Alec didn't care enough to let him finish. _

"_Forget it, Haal. Just let me go home."_

"_No!" Haal begged. "Just hear me out." _

"_I don't want to hear you at all. Ever again," Alec said cruelly to Haal's pleading face. Was he really supposed to feel guilty about this? Haal had been a bastard, so Alec had a right to speak without being nice. His words had the intended effect, as he watched Haal wilt, misery becoming clear on his face. Being so near, Alec could easily see the tears threatening to spill in Haal's eyes. _

_Not for the first time, Alec compared Haal to a child. A little boy who started bawling if someone was ever mean to him. And it was always up to Alec to comfort him. Ugh._

"_Alec, please, I never meant for this happen-" Alec snorted at this. _

"_Like hell you didn't."_

"_I didn't!" Haal exclaimed tearfully. "It was a mistake, I swear it!"_

"_So was this." That being said, Alec tried to pull away from Haal, but he found that the firm grip could be broken. _

"_Alec, you can't just leave-"_

"_Watch me."_

"_Alec," Haal pleaded. "You have to understand. I-"_

"_Couldn't care less, Haal," Alec growled, and he pulled harder to get away from Haal's firm grip. He stopped struggling then, knowing it was useless, and decided to get rid of Haal with his words. "If you were so eager to get with someone else, you could have told me that when we were-"_

"_I love you, Alec!" Alec blinked in surprise as Haal practically screamed it at him. _Oh shit,_ he thought. As soon as the 'L' word was brought up, Alec knew it was time to run. _

"_No, you don't," Alec said harshly. "If you did, you wouldn't have been up that guy's ass!" Alec felt a stirring within himself at those words, as though he was honestly hurt by Haal's actions. But he didn't care. And because of that, he wasn't really hurt by Haal. Haal couldn't hurt him. Touch him. Make him feel…_

_Haal's eyes widened at this accusation. He shook his head. "I was never with him like that!" Haal cried. "I couldn't be with anyone after you."_

"_Yet you were."_

"_I wasn't! He came onto me-"_

"_Original," Alec commented sardonically. "How often that work for you? Or any of the other guys that use it?" _

"_It's true," Haal said firmly. "I – I've known forever, but I didn't know he felt that way. Alec, please, I could never be with anyone else."_

_Alec stared into his eyes, almost wishing Haal was lying. He decided to say silent, knowing that it was better to let Haal have his moment, then leave. _

"_I've been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you, Alec," Haal said softly. "I can never get your face out of my head. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. And… I can't tell you how much I wish this hadn't happened…" To his credit, Haal did not falter once during this speech, even though it was tearing Alec apart. Damn that stupid 'L' word! _

_Alec closed his eyes. _

And opened them. And gasped.

What the hell had just happened! He'd been with Haal… but that couldn't be true. He was back on the boat, looking into the grinning face of Demetri Celior.

"But…" Alec started. The warlock sighed.

"I don't like what happens next," the warlock said sullenly. "You lie and forgive him and… ugh! I prefer the part when you were being honest with him." He looked Alec in the eyes, without any sort of humor.

Alec frowned in confusion. "What… I was with Haal-"

"Don't you remember, Alec?" the warlock asked innocently. "You saw Haal passionately kissing someone else and decided you'd pretend to be mad? It's actually very entertaining when you bitch at him."

And he did remember. It hadn't mattered to him that Haal wanted someone else. It had actually been a relief. But how did this warlock know?

"That-"

"You really shouldn't be surprised," the warlock said placidly, and at that moment, he pulled Alec's naked body against his. Wait… when had he taken off the rest of Alec's clothes? There wasn't time to wonder as hands wrapped themselves around Alec. Alec felt the horrible feel of those hands slowly moving down his spine.

And he still couldn't fight back! He stared in horror as the warlock ran his hands through his hair again, and pulled Alec's face near.

"I've been with you for years, Alec."

-Break-

"_Don't do it," Magnus said firmly. He narrowed his eyes, raising his hand in warning. "I swear, if you take another step forward…"_

_His adversary took one step forward. Magnus pointed at his adversary with mock anger. "That was the last straw! If you move any closer-"_

_It was no use. There was no point in trying to fight. The battle was lost as Chairman Meow pounced on the last cranberry bliss bar. Magnus swore as the cat took a tiny bite out of it and looked up at him smugly. _

"_Damn cat," Magnus muttered as he stalked off. "They don't even make those anymore." _

_It was probably for the best. He really didn't need anything sweet. He looked back up at the clock. 2:06. Damn_

_Magnus walked back to the living room, ignoring the cat and flopping back on the couch. He wasn't normally one for the insomnia, but these days he seemed to get no sleep. It made for a terrible day and night… unless Alec showed up. He was the one cure for Magnus' tired sulkiness. _

_And speak of the angel…_

_Magnus got up again, a smile forming on his lips. He quietly stalked back down the hall to the room where he knew Alec was still sleeping like a baby. He was two steps away from the door when he heard a quiet thump. He froze for a second, and then entered. _

"_What the hell are you doing here?"_

_Magnus kept his voice quiet, but there was enough venom in it to kill a blue whale. Demetri, who had been looking down upon Alec's sleeping form, casually looked up, undeterred by Magnus' rage. _

"_Just came to say hello," came the silky voice. Magnus' eyes narrowed in genuine anger this time. And he welcomed this feeling, letting only Alec's __presence keep him from slaughtering Demetri there and then._

"_Get out," Magnus said, the same rage filtering through his voice. His anger only seemed to please Demetri. _

"_Calm down," Demetri said, using his voice to mock Magnus' anger. "I just want to talk with you." _

"_You can't. Get out."_

_Demetri raised an eyebrow. "What's this? Feeling bitter? It's charming that you'd remember me__ but I really do need to speak with you. And, no it can't wait." _

_What was it about that accent that got on Magnus' last nerve every time? Magnus took a deep breath before saying, "Fine, but not in here."_

_Demetri grinned. "Why? It's as good a place as any-"_

"_Out to the kitchen," Magnus ordered through clenched teeth. Demetri chuckled, but obliged Magnus. _

_Magnus kept his eyes trained on the other warlock as he made his way to the kitchen. Before Magnus walked away from the bedroom, he shut the door and murmured quietly in a language no human could speak. He then followed Demetri away from Alec. _

"_So what do you want?" Magnus asked as soon as they had walked through the door. Demetri leaned back against the counter, clearly at ease. _

"_He's quite a catch," Demetri said, choosing to ignore Magnus' question. "But then again, you always had a knack for bedding the beautiful ones." _

"_And you've always had a knack for saying the exact thing that'll get you kicked out."_

"_You know," Demetri said exasperatedly. "I was hoping we could have a nice conversation Magnus. You'll want to hear what I say." _

_Magnus raised an eyebrow. _

"_Like I said" Demetri continued, the warmth vanishing from his voice. "You've always had a knack for bedding the beautiful ones. The useful ones. I take you remember my cause?"_

"_You're not going near him."_

_Demetri scowled at him. "Perhaps I haven't been clear. That boy" he said angrily, pointing in the direction of the bedroom where Alec was undoubtedly still sleeping. "Is everything I've been looking for."_

"_DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?" Magnus shouted at him. Blue sparks crackled from the tips of Magnus' fingers in his rage. He stepped towards Demetri, who coldly raised his eyebrows at the movement. "If you go near him… I don't give a damn about the deal, I'll kill you." _

_Demetri stood silent for a moment. He then nodded to himself. "I'll see myself out then."_

_Magnus forced himself not step any closer to him, for if he did… _

"_One last thing," Demetri called. Magnus shut his eyes, fists forming at his sides. If Demetri had any sense in that microscopic brain of his, he'd get out. "I'm not the only one who going to notice. My cause is growing; my allies are everywhere. If you, a High Warlock, insist on throwing attention onto the boy… they'll notice. And they won't show you my restraint." _

_Magnus had completely frozen. _

"_And speaking of my restraint, we will speak of this again."_

_And he left. Magnus had all of two seconds to try and restart his heart before he heard quiet footsteps coming from the bedroom. He spun around to see Alec at the doorway of the kitchen. He was blinking, still half asleep. _

"_Magnus?" Alec murmured. "Why are you up?"_

"_I couldn't sleep," Magnus mumbled back, and he pulled Alec into his arms. Thankfully, Alec was too tired to question the hug. Or why Magnus was shaking. Or why Magnus didn't let go for hours. Because after a minute, he was asleep again. _

-Break-

"_Hey! You can't fall asleep yet! I did not come out here just for you to fall asleep on me!"_

_Alec was grinning as he placed his hands behind his head, eyes blissfully shut. It was very satisfying annoying Miguel. Well, until Miguel dumped a handful of sand on Alec. Okay, it was still kind of satisfying. _

_Alec laughed as he brushed the sand off of him. "Oh, give me a break. As if you came out here expecting to find sea demons."_

_Yeah, there was no way they even existed… or maybe… yes? Alec didn't care. _

_Didn't… couldn't think after downing a few shots. _

"_You've been drinking," Miguel sighed as he sat down beside Alec in the sand. He looked tired for some reason. Alec frowned playfully. _

"_Maybe I have. And judging by the look on your face, you should get some too." Miguel rolled his eyes. Then he leaned back to lie down in the sand. _

"_You're crazy, Alec," Miguel said softly as he beheld the sky above him. Alec briefly considered the man beside him. He registered the beautifully dark, tanned skin and the gorgeous brown locks. _

_Maybe it was the liquor coursing through his veins, but Alec really didn't care what Miguel thought of him. Okay, he probably would've felt that way if he was sober, but it was important to say that the liquor did have an influence in his actions. _

_So Alec slowly reached out and curled his fingers in Miguel's think hair. He smiled as Miguel looked at him with shocked eyes. Alec ran his fingers down Miguel's face, enjoying the surprised sounds that came out. _

"_What-"_

"_I am crazy," Alec agreed quietly. "And I've decided to make you crazy as well. Like that song… La Vida Loca."_

"_Yes… oh…" Miguel's eyes were shut as Alec pressed his lips against his throat. Alec grinned. _

_Alec gently kissed at nipped at the warm base of Miguel's throat, slowly making his way up. When his lips landed on Miguel's jaw line, he found Miguel stopping him. _

"_Alec…" Miguel seemed at a loss for words. Even through his drunken haze, Alec could see the fear that was eminent in his eyes. "I-I am engaged. I was raised as a Catholic… I can't do this with you-"_

"_You can chill out," Alec insisted, a little annoyed at Miguel now. "This is a one time thing. With any luck, we'll learn from this experience." _

_And that being said, Alec moved forward to press his lips against Miguel's. _

When Alec found himself kissing the warlock instead of Miguel, he knew that the warlock would push him over the edge. He knew that he would be harmed before the day was over. And he knew, especially after Demetri showed him that memory, what exactly Demetri planned to take from him.

-Break-

At that moment, Magnus had known he would do anything for Alec. If he had to pinpoint a moment when everything had changed for good, it was the moment when he'd held his sweet, innocent little angel against him, as though he could protect him from any danger the world presented. In that moment, he went from simply feeling love for Alec to being in love with him. It was such a profound difference to Magnus.

There was something about the oncoming threat from Demetri Celior that made Magnus want to pull Alec closer to him. And so he did. He let their relationship flourish even farther, and he found more and more that he needed Alec. He was easily much more relaxed with Alec near, and anyone could notice.

What Magnus kept hidden were his worries. He knew from experience exactly what Demetri Celior was: a worshipper of Satan. He was a dangerous psychotic, and he was solely dedicated to finding a way to free the Devil. Having had more than enough experience with the satanic culture, Magnus was happy to ignore Demetri.

Thing was, Demetri didn't work that way.

It started happening a couple weeks after their midnight discussion. Magnus and Alec would be out enjoying a date together, when Magnus saw him lurking. He would stiffen at the sight of the warlock, who smiled cruelly in return. Every time he appeared, Magnus felt a rush of fear running through him. He would always grab Alec's arm, too tight, and flex his fingers, readying for an excessive use of violent magic. But it was pointless. For when someone walk across Magnus' line of vision, Demetri would always be gone.

It was torture for Magnus. Though he was loathe to admit it, he truly was in a panic over Alec. He would cast protection spells over Alec whenever he was leaving, and when the two of them were together, Magnus never let Alec out of his sight. He was not going to let Demetri get anywhere near his Alec.

However, Magnus hadn't quite anticipated his own actions. Though he was determined to keep Alec safe, he would never let Alec know about Demetri. He knew it wasn't the best option, but there would be more harm done than good if Alec found out about his past with the warlock. So the impression Magnus gave Alec was that whenever they were together, Magnus was always focusing on something else. His need to keep Alec safe seemed to erase his showing of love for Alec.

Deep down, he knew Alec was hurting. But he was safe. And that mattered more.

-Break-

There were certain levels of humiliation. There was the mundane type, where you simply farted or got toilet paper stuck to your shoe. There was the type Alec often experienced when being beaten by Jace during training (vastly different from the times when he was beaten by Isabelle). And there was the type he felt when Magnus stood him up.

But this was new. He had never before experience the humiliation he was feeling now, as he endured the most horrible pain in existence at the hands of Demetri Celior. It was heightened so every time Alec opened his mouth to scream and he found magic blocking him from making any sound. His cheeks were coated with tears.

It hurt. So bad… and he wanted Magnus. If Magnus were only here… to save him…

"He isn't coming," that cruel voice murmured in his ear. "You know he isn't coming."

Alec frantically shook his head, eyes clenched shut. He wanted so bad to launch all of his hatred and anger at this warlock

But he couldn't. And he found himself silently shrieking in agony as a stronger pain flashed through him. It was much worse this time…

It was like he was being burned from the inside out. And all around him, that horrible laughter rang loud and clear.

_And enough was enough. That was Alec's only thought as he walked along the streets of Brooklyn toward Magnus' loft. It wasn't fair. Alec put everything he had into their relationship. Magnus was his first. And there were no words to describe how much love Alec felt for him. No words to describe the immediate rejection of even the idea of letting Magnus know this. _

_He was fed up with the way Magnus was treating him. The damned warlock was supposed to care about him! And he didn't even look at Alec anymore…. Alec shook his head in frustration as Magnus' building came into sight. As soon as he made it there, he quickly walked inside, pulling out his key. _

_He was going to make Magnus listen to him. _

_He quietly opened the door to Magnus' apartment, stepping in through the doorframe without making a sound. He let his eyes scan the bare looking room. No Magnus._

_So Magnus was hiding? Did he know Alec was coming? Or was he just out?_

_Alec shook his head in exasperation, checking the living room and the kitchen. Nothing. Alec sighed, considering where Magnus could be. Well, he'd stood Alec up only the night before. Maybe he'd thrown a party and was nursing a hangover. Alec half ran to the bedroom, needing to find Magnus. _

_He stepped through the bedroom door… oh. _

_Alec stopped in his tracks. It was as though the world had frozen, the air going still in his lungs. There was his Magnus. Quietly sleeping, letting the suns rays reflect off his shimmering hair. His nose. His lips. The man that was nestled quietly beside him. _

_No. Magnus would never… but he had. Alec shut his eyes, praying for a moment that he was dreaming. And his heart died again when he opened his eyes and nothing had changed. _

_The man beside Magnus was… there wasn't any word for him except beautiful. He curled up against Magnus, lips unconsciously pressed against Magnus' hair. Behind the man, huge wings were stretched out on the mattress. Huge wings that were almost like angel wings. Except they were the deep, dark, pitch black of midnight. _

_So Magnus was sleeping with another warlock. A beautiful, immortal man who could obviously hold Magnus' attention for longer than Alec. _

_The scene in front of him seemed to blur. For a moment Alec prayed he was waking from this horrible dream. But no. Those were the tears that seeped down his cheeks. This scene was real… all too real. _

_Alec struggled to breathe. He couldn't get air down his throat. He was trying frantically to push air out then in, but instead, a sort of keening sound came up. It was the kind of sound a wolf might make while slowly dying. And Alec was slowly dying. _

_There was a rustle of covers as Alec stared on in horror. Magnus was waking up. He slowly opened his heavy eyelids and raised them to Alec's face. And froze…_

"_You-" was all Alec was able to get out before stumbling back against the door. He couldn't look back. He couldn't. So he ran, and as he did, a cruel laughter teased his ears mercilessly._

-Break

_Magnus swore in a hundred different languages as he desperately grabbed a pair of jeans off the floor and ran after Alec. He was not one for running, so chasing after Alec was harder than he'd anticipated. _

_But something was wrong with Alec. He could barely walk in a straight line, and every step seemed to drain him completely. Determined and scared as he was, he was able to reach out and grab Alec's arm. _

_Alec yelped at the contact and, seeing Magnus' face looming over him, fought hard to resist Magnus. _

"_Alec, you have to listen to me-"_

"_Oooohhh," Alec moaned, and Magnus' eyes widened at the pure pain and misery that dominated Alec's voice. "Noooooo… ugh…" _

_Alec was shaking with terrible sobs. Magnus couldn't even hear him breathing. "Alec, please, something's wrong-"_

"_NOOO!" Alec shrieked at him, pulling away again. "You…"_

_Alec looked at him. Magnus swallowed as he looked in Alec's eyes and saw, not misery as he expected, but… destruction. His eyes reminded Magnus of the aftermath of 9/11, which he had seen clearly many years ago. Much like the towers, Alec had been destroyed. And only the destruction was left. _

"_I'm so sorry…" It came out as a gasp, simply because seeing the destruction in those beautiful eyes was simply too much for Magnus to bear. _

"_You... bastard," Alec gasped. "You fucking bastard…"_

_Magnus studied Alec in horror as the boy began to shake uncontrollably. Magnus tried to grasp Alec to stop him, but that only made it worse. Magnus, in all his panic, couldn't do anything as Alec crippled and fell to the ground. Magnus knelt down instantly and tried to calm Alec down. _

"_Alec, can you hear-"_

"_You lied! You lied!" Alec's voice cracked as he yelled. Magnus' eyes filled with tears. He reached out again and held down Alec's arms down. _

"_Alec, listen to me!" Magnus shouted at him. "I love you!"_

_It was useless. Alec would never hear him. Magnus didn't understand what was wrong. Alec… Alec wouldn't react like this. Something truly was wrong. But what to do…_

_An idea came to Magnus, cooed to him by a little voice in the back of his head. In all of his desperation, Magus could not bother himself to stop and consider what he was doing. He reached out and placed his palm on Alec's forehead and looked into Alec's mind. _

_Alec's mind was a tangled mess, but Magnus quickly picked out the memory of Alec finding him in bed with another man. And he destroyed that memory. Now to replace it… _

_Alec had come over to Magnus' loft, but hadn't even gotten a chance to speak. Magnus didn't want him anymore. So he ended it out. _

_As the memory took shape and Magnus pulled out of Alec's mind, he felt tears streaming freely down his face. He slowly backed away from Alec, who already looked better. Just as Magnus knew he had hidden himself perfectly from Alec's sight, Alec stood up. He was crying, but he looked healthy. Alive and vital. _

_But miserable. Alec continued to shake with sobs as he walked away from Magnus' loft and back to the Institute. He turned a corner, and Magnus knew Alec was gone forever. _

_What had he done? _

_He still didn't have any idea when a few minutes later, Demetri approached him. _

"_I haven't thank you yet for last night," Demetri said calmly, in a cruelly cheerful tone. _

"_Don't bother." _

_Demetri grinned broadly at him. "Our deal still stands."_

"_Yes, it does."_

_The other warlock started walking away from him. _

"_Alec will be safe. You know I won't go near him. And I'll make sure none of my followers do. So look happy." And he walked away. Magnus shut his eyes and buried his face in his hands. _

_Alec would be safe. And Magnus would never have him again. _

-Mysterious Break-

Both men recalled that horrible day with tears spilling out of their eyes.

Alec remembered the truth on a boat, being harmed by the same winged man who had hurt him so long ago, simply by being. Now tears poured down his face as the warlock hurt him yet again.

Magnus stared resolutely at the ground as he remembered the greatest mistake of his life. He'd been tricked by that damn warlock. It had been to protect Alec, but instead it hurt him.

Alec shook with heavier sobs as a familiar misery came over him. He wasn't as hurt as before, but how he could his heart not be permanently wounded after this?

Magnus swore to himself that he would never hurt Alec like that again, and he would do whatever was in his power to kill Demetri before he could get to Alec. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice his phone ringing. After it rung three times (it could've been more), he picked up.

Alec stared through tear-filled eyes up at the sky. There were so many stars out…

"_Do you know where Alec is? He hasn't shown up all day and when I try his phone, there's no answer."_

Magnus frowned at Isabelle's words. "He said he would come over to my hotel. I don't know where he is now, but if he shows up…" His voice drifted off as he looked out the window and instead in the direction of the harbour. Even from this distance, he could see still see the bright white light that seemed to emanate from one of the boats. He knew that light. He knew he was too late

Oh, yes. The stars were beautiful.

AN: Ah, there's nothing like the stars in the night sky to take your mind off all the heavy stuff. Well, if you were actually in the middle of a city like Sydney, you might not even be able to see stars, but too bad.

I'm really sorry now about the updating issue. I don't know how writing this got so hard, but maybe it's just a lack of inspiration. I know what I want to do, but I can't force myself to write these chapters. I'll try harder now. And this chapter in particular… was supposed to be easy. But it turned out I couldn't do the **** scene with Alec and Demetri. That was impossible for me, so I resorted to implications. And also, Magnus originally had a very different reason for leaving Alec, but those reasons changed for story purposes. I think this reason makes more sense, and it's genuine. You might want to yell at Magnus, you might want to sympathize with him. Either way, I get to put my OC to some use.

Now, the content. You may have noticed me tampering with the rating awhile back. That was when I wasn't sure if I could do the scene with Alec, but I changed it back because I could alter the story. It's still T.

But anyways, tell me what you thought of it. Were you horrified? Did you think anyone was extremely OOC (Ale's reaction to the unfaithfulness seems kinda OOC even to me, but I have my reasons for doing this)? Does anyone kinda envy Demetri, who has done the nasty with both of our favourite boys? REVIEW AND TELL ME. Please. It honestly will encourage me to continue at this point.

I really hope you're enjoying this. If you think I actually should change the rating, you'll have to review and tell me. Thanks.


	15. Nous descendons, mon amour

Espérons Inutile

A Mortal Instruments Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Any familiar names, places, etc. are property of Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 14: Nous descendons, mon amour

Alec woke up as soon as the sun brushed over his eyelids. Well, he was awake in a sense, but he refused to move his body or even open his eyes, for fear of what would remain.

The cold, oceanic breeze that blew through the air reminded Alec of somewhere else he had been. It brought back a vivid memory of green mountains surrounded by a grey sea. It might have been a picture he'd seen in a book, but he'd never been there. Somehow the idea of a beautiful place that was out there, but that he hadn't seen made him feel oddly happy.

Because every place he'd ever known held real memories of pain, loss, and heartbreak of the worst kind.

And so he finally woke when he realized that the salt water on his face was not from the ocean spray, but from all those memories that Alec didn't want to keep anymore.

Alec opened his eyes. He was lying on the deck of the boat, fully clothed, and yet completely frozen. Slowly sitting up, Alec winced in pain. It was a familiar pain that he knew how to get through, but tears were still falling uncontrollably. Alec let a fe soft curse words leave his lips as he wrapped his arms around his knees.

Leaving the pain aside for a moment, there was another terrible hurt that Alec had to deal with. Why had this happened? Was this karma coming back to bite him in the ass for every terrible thing he'd done since he came to Sydney? Well, maybe this was the kind of pain he caused Haal and Miguel. Because for every time his heart beat last night, there was a lifetime's worth of pain to follow in it's wake. It left him with an oddly hollow pain, which hurt all the more, because every cry of pain would bounce right back at him.

_If this really happened because I came to Australia, _thought Alec, _then there are other people I can blame for this._

If Alec was willing to move away from the terrible feelings Celior had left him with, he would still be left with another type of hurt.

Only one image was needed to cause Alec to cry harder, and was the one he kept seeing of Magnus in bed with another man. In a sick way, he was glad to know the truth about why Magnus had left him. It wasn't simply that Magnus would rather have nothing than have Alec; it was that there was someone else who could entertain him in ways Alec could not. If Alec had known that while he was still in New York, he might not have gone to Australia.

He would've gone to hell.

Alec struggled to regain his breath and stop crying. He still wasn't the type of person that cried easily, and he didn't like it when he did cry. He thought back to the last time he had felt this low; when Magnus had left him. And although it hurt to think about, there was comfort to be found in the memories of when he had gone home that day. He saw his parents, letting him cry and be upset, knowing they had been right about Magnus all along, but still there for Alec. He saw Jace, who was ready to murder Magnus. He saw Isabelle, who was even more comforting than his parents and even more bloodthirsty than Jace. For every bad memory, there had to be a good one. That had to be true, for Alec's sake.

Once the tears had stopped falling, Alec stood up, leaning on the side of the boat for support. He stared around at the oddly quiet Sydney harbour. There was very little life, as far as he could tell. The grey clouds above made it hard for Alec to tell the time, but there was a certain brightness to the sky that made him think it was morning.

_See? Light behind the darkness, _Alec thought wryly. He chuckled as he then thought, ironically, how it would be nice to see Haal right about now. Haal would be clueless, but just that Alec was hurting would be enough for him to go into comfort mode and bring out the vanilla milk.

He placed his hands on the boat, leaning forward. While he could hold his hurt away temporarily, he couldn't keep out the confusion. How had life gotten to this? Alec shook his head. He was asking the wrong questions.

_I just have to believe that nothing I did caused Celior to…_

Alec swallowed. "Nothing I did caused Celior t-to… hurt me."

His voice sounded hurt and broken, but when he said the words aloud, he knew there was a grain of truth to them.

So if Alec hadn't done anything, what had caused Celior's actions? First Alec had had the dream about Celior that had led to him being stranded in the middle of the desert. Now this. Why was this warlock out for Alec.

And then more of Celior's words from the previos night began to come back to him.

"_You don't know how long I've been searching for you."_

"_You knew your destiny."_

"_Only you, _ягодка."

The cold, chilling voice, caused Alec to shake with pain and fear, but he was still left very confused. To put a lot of very confusing thoughts simply: what the hell did Celior mean?

Alec wrapped his arms around himself again. A horrible thought was taking over him, and that was that he was going to have to tell someone about what had happened. It was a frightening thought, and Alec didn't think he could do it. Ignoring the fact that he couldn't think of someone who would just listen to him, Alec didn't believe he had the strength in him to really say it out loud. There was no way-

"ALEC!"

He froze. He knew that voice. And that voice should not be here. Not on his boat.

"ALEC!"

The sound of frantic footsteps could be heard now, and Alec turned to look at the docks. He took a deep breath as the footsteps drew closer, holding his arms tighter against himself. It was the only defense he had.

"ALEC, DAMNIT! WHERE ARE YOU?"

At first Magnus simply ran past Alec's boat, sprinting to the end of the dock before realizing that Alec was not on it. He spun around, starting to run in the other direction, when he looked Alec's way. Stopping abruptly, Magnus stumbled a little before regaining his composure and staring at Alec.

"I…" It almost hurt Alec to know that Magnus wanted to say so much to him, but the look in Magnus' eyes told him that he knew everything. Or just that he was too late. There was so much for both of them to say, but they just couldn't.

Magnus walked down the jetty and stepped lithely into the boat. He was dressed in jeans and a thick black coat, leaving his tanned chest visible. And his chest rose rapidly as he tried to slow his breath after running so hard. Alec looked down, away from those beautiful eyes, and saw that Magnus was barefoot. When Alec looked back up, Magnus was right in front of him.

Those eyes pinned him down for a few moments, and then Magnus spoke.

"Are you okay?"

Alec didn't really have to think about it.

"No."

And Magnus had the slap coming. He shut his eyes briefly, then looked Alec in the eyes.

"What was that for?" he asked, all to calm for Alec's liking.

"For lying," Alec spat. "For cheating. For leaving me. And for taking my memories of it all, so all I remembered is that you dumped me because I wasn't good enough for you."

He felt a small bit of satisfaction when Magnus' eyes widened slightly. _So there's something else he knows I should be mad at him for._

"I remember, Magnus," Alec said, breathing hard. "And I just keep seeing it – over and over again in my mind – you with that… that guy! And I don't understand. I still want to kill you. But more than anything, I just want to know why!"

Magnus had the grace to look away. He shook his head at Alec.

"Answer me, Magnus!" Alec shouted. "Tell me why-"

"I can't," Magnus said firmly to Alec's face.

"You have to," Alec said, his voice cracking with pain and frustration. "I have to know why… you… and… a-and then Celior comes along and-"

"What?" Magnus said sharply, staring Alec straight in the eyes. "Why'd you say that name?"

"I-"

"Alec!"

Alec shut his eyes tight. By the Angel, if he started crying again-

"Look at me, Alec, please." Magnus spoke so softly to him… it hurt Alec all the more. He shook his head, keeping his eyes shut tight. He couldn't look Magnus in the eyes. Hell, he couldn't even tell Magnus what had happened.

"Alec," Magnus said, as he pulled Alec into his arms. Alec fell willingly into Magnus' embrace, pressing his face against Magnus' chest. "I know that I hurt you, and I know that you're hurting now. All I can do is try to explain. I need you to let me do that, and then you have to tell me what happened to you last night. I knew something terrible was going to happen, and I'm sorry I couldn't get here soon enough. But will you just listen, please?"

Alec nodded into Magnus' neck, temporarily sedated by the warm of Magnus' arms.

"I met Demetri Celior about two hundred years ago. I knew he was crazy then, and I'm sure he's still crazy now. His goal was to raise Satan from the depths of hell – a notion that made me laugh at the time. But he had many followers, and I was one of many who didn't like Celior. It was a very hostile situation, and to prevent any violence, Celior stepped forward with a treaty of sorts. He and his followers swore to leave the rest of us alone, and continue on with carrying out their goal without harming any of us. That was enough to satisfy most of us for the time being."

"But I could never shake my suspicions of him. He's the type of person to linger in the background of any scene, and I couldn't just ignore him. He was like the fly that wouldn't go away. So I kept a close eye on him, and one day it paid off."

Alec shivered slightly, and Magnus just held him tighter.

"I caught him murdering a mundane. That was enough to break the treaty on its own, and I was fully prepared to report him to the others and have him become a wanted man."

"Why didn't you?" Alec murmured softly. Magnus sighed.

"To this day, I haven't any idea. I don't know why, but I could never really take him seriously. He was right there, before me, covered in the blood of a mundane, and I knew that he deserved to die, but something made me stop and listen to him. He told me the devil would remember me. I laughed. And Celior told me that, just as he had taken a life, he would spare one, if I asked him. That wasn't the only reason, but I persuaded to let him go."

"Fast forward to about six years ago. You and I were together, and you were staying the night. And… I woke up to find Celior in my apartment. He told me that after all his years of searching for the key to unlock the Devil's prison had led him to you. I basically told him to fuck off. But that wasn't enough. He approached me later to warn me that soon his followers would be led to you as well because of your affiliation with me. And I was scared."

"It hurt so much to be away from you, but if it meant keeping you safe, I thought it was worth it. So I pushed you away. But even that wasn't enough. I was woken in the middle of the night to have Celior tell me that one of his followers knew about Alec, and that had only a few days before you would be harmed. And so," Magnus said with a dark chuckle, "I made a deal with the Devil. To save your life, I had him murder that follower. But apparently that wasn't enough. He told me that keeping the rest of his followers away required a price. And sadly, I was willing to give."

Alec was no longer standing of his own accord. He rested his weight entirely against Magnus, too many emotions just pushing him down.

"That's why you slept with him."

"Yes," Magnus whispered softly.

"And that's why you left me."

Magnus simply nodded, and buried his face in Alec's hair. "I'm so sorry,"

And that's when Alec broke. He cried into Magnus' neck, needing some way to get rid of all the pain that filled his mind, heart, and soul. Nothing could extinguish his love for Magnus, and finally hearing why he'd had to try was so earth-shattering to Alec. Pieces of the puzzle were starting to click together much too quickly, and while everything was starting to make sense, it did so in a way that caused even more hurt.

And Magnus was there for him. Those solid, true words sent Alec flying, while keeping him firmly on the ground. Magnus' scent surrounded him like a warm blanket, and his arms stroked Alec's back so gently, it seemed as if Magnus was afraid of breaking him.

"I don't want you to leave," Alec forced out. "And I want to hate you for doing that."

Magnus pulled back slightly so he could put Alec's face in his hands.

"I'm glad you don't," he said simply, and that brought even more tears out.

Instead of pulling him in again, Magnus leaned down and slowly brought his lips to Alec's. And Alec was filled with an intense longing, so powerful after being hidden for so many years. That one kiss was all Alec needed to remember every reason why he loved Magnus.

-Break-

When you loved someone, it was more than just being filled with an emotion. Your entire being rested upon that one person, and you can feel it in your bones that you will die without that person. Maybe Magnus did keep away from such extremes, but it was moments like this that reminded him of why he could never lose faith in that, no matter how many years he lived.

If Alec were happy, Magnus would feed off his energy. If Alec were sad, Magus would be there to raise him back up. And when Alec was broken, like he seemed now, Magnus would find every piece of him and put it back together.

Ah, the power of reunion kisses.

That one kiss could've lasted another eight hundred years and Magnus wouldn't have realized. There was something about just having Alec back, even for these moments that truly took time away, in a way that immortality couldn't.

When they finally pulled apart, Magnus swore he could feel a million stars exploding and vanishing.

He looked into Alec's deep blue eyes. He was almost scared to find all the emotion that was hidden in those eyes…

But what was love without the fear?

"Alec," he said softly, "I know I'm ruining this moment, but it's time you told me what happened last night."

The brightness that had been in Alec's face dimmed considerably, and while it hurt Magnus to see, he knew that it had to be done.

Alec looked afraid, as if whatever he needed to say was right there, but just could not be reached. So Magnus gripped Alec's hands in his own, holding them tightly to his chest.

"It's okay," he reminded Alec. "I'll always be here to catch you if you fall."

A single tear fell from Alec's eyes as he took one deep breath.

"Celior."

He took another deep breath.

"He raped me."

And Alec fell, sobbing and broken once again. And though he was filled with intense shock and rage, Magnus was there to catch him.

AN:... the bitch is back.


End file.
